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Old 06-25-2011, 05:24 PM
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ray ray is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: USA
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Question For the passive folk, dealing with sharing when you're angry

I tend to be a fairly passive person. I don't like to rock the boat, especially in relationships. It often ends up with me being a doormat even when the other person isn't trying to put me in that position. I have an extremely hard time expressing wants and even needs. In poly, where open communication is paramount, this makes things tricky. Well, it makes life tricky.

For instance, the person I'm currently interested in, seems to have have a habit of saying that he wants to hang out on a certain day but then having other things run late, gets tired, doesn't have the energy to hang out. But also, doesn't let me know this or lets me know too late so I can't make plans with anyone else. It's driving me absolutely crazy and I find it to be hurtful and inconsiderate.

Still, I haven't been able to say a word about it. Because I feel bad. Afraid that if I say anything, he'll just tell me I'm being overly sensitive or being worried that maybe he just doesn't want to hang out with me.

How have you dealt with feelings like this? I know I'm not the only one who has trouble with this? Has anyone made significant progress in learning to express their needs and wants that had a tough time with it?

Have you found that poly helped teach these skills? How do you decide a reasonable request/expression versus being demanding/a drama queen?
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communication, conflict, polyamory, time management

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