I Think I'm Polyamorous!

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by serialmonogamist

Right, but if you make yourself attractive for yourself, why would it surprise you if other people find you attractive too?

I am always surprised when people find me attractive, just 'cause I'm not that conceited to believe that everyone would. LOL. Sure, certain people, in certain situations, I know will be attracted to me, but I'm usually more in tune with if I feel good and attractive for ME.

Originally Posted by serialmonogamist

Why would a woman who puts effort into making herself attractive for whatever reason blame her partner for finding other women attractive who use similar techniques for appearing attractive? Attractive = attraction, no?

Well, that's a blanket generalization if there ever was one! Personally, I never "blamed" my partners for anything if they checked out other chicks. In fact, my husband loved the fact that I would point out pretty women for him to look at. And I'm totally straight. Never been the type to be jealous of a roving eye. I like to look at hot guys, why shouldn't my partners be able to look, too? Just because you've had already dinner, doesn't mean you can't still look at the menu.

[serialmonogamist]

Originally Posted by nycindie

Well, that's a blanket generalization if there ever was one! Personally, I never "blamed" my partners for anything if they checked out other chicks. In fact, my husband loved the fact that I would point out pretty women for him to look at. And I'm totally straight. Never been the type to be jealous of a roving eye. I like to look at hot guys, why shouldn't my partners be able to look, too? Just because you've had already dinner, doesn't mean you can't still look at the menu.

I can loosely generalize that people always assume I mean everyone when I really am just referring to a pattern I've noticed among some people. I'm not foolish enough to think there is a generalization that applies to everyone or even the majority. Diversity is the rule, not the exception.

You seem to have have the shopping/buying thing in perspective. Many women seem to feel like they're in the wrong relationship if their partner has eyes for anyone but them. There is a big difference between seeing physical attraction and being holistically attracted to someone. Looks are only skin deep.

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by serialmonogamist

I can loosely generalize that people always assume I mean everyone when I really am just referring to a pattern I've noticed among some people. I'm not foolish enough to think there is a generalization that applies to everyone or even the majority. Diversity is the rule, not the exception.

Well, when you say "women" instead of "some women", what do you expect?

[serialmonogamist]

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

Well, when you say "women" instead of "some women", what do you expect?

Well, how could anyone speak about "all women," "all men," or "all people?" Maybe I should have said "some" but the deeper question is why would anyone assume that anyone could legitimately be saying anything about "all" since they can't possibly know "all" people? Besides, if I said that some women are not attracted to attached men, that would be more incorrect because I have never had a woman tell me she's not attracted to attached men whereas I have heard several/many tell me that men in relationships are more attractive. No one else has heard women say this?

[TruckerPete]

Originally Posted by serialmonogamist

No one else has heard women say this?

No. But I'm a woman. Maybe they don't tell me their secrets. That said, I also don't say this to myself.

Attached men make me nervous, because I am a naturally flirty person. I worry that I'm overstepping my bounds by well, being myself around them.

[serialmonogamist]

Originally Posted by TruckerPete

Attached men make me nervous, because I am a naturally flirty person. I worry that I'm overstepping my bounds by well, being myself around them.

I understand this feeling, but it doesn't really address the issue of whether you tend to find men more attractive when they are in relationships. Another reason I've heard for this is that being in a relationship makes a man more self-confident, which adds to his attractiveness.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by serialmonogamist

I understand this feeling, but it doesn't really address the issue of whether you tend to find men more attractive when they are in relationships. Another reason I've heard for this is that being in a relationship makes a man more self-confident, which adds to his attractiveness.

In my experience, I have found it much easier to be around and talk with women when I am attached. I also found them more responsive to that level of relaxed interaction regardless if they knew I was attached or not. From my perspective it is easy to see the why. When I was younger and single, I was driven by the desire to get laid. I think this came across through my energy and general tone. I was in "hunter" mode for lack of a better term and I think women are very perceptive to that.

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by serialmonogamist

I have never had a woman tell me she's not attracted to attached men whereas I have heard several/many tell me that men in relationships are more attractive. No one else has heard women say this?

I am a woman and i am not more attracted to people just because they are in a relationship (men or women). There. i said it. There is a first time for everything. Never say never.

Originally Posted by serialmonogamist

I understand this feeling, but it doesn't really address the issue of whether you tend to find men more attractive when they are in relationships. Another reason I've heard for this is that being in a relationship makes a man more self-confident, which adds to his attractiveness.

According to this line of reasoning, you must not be in a relationship right now.

I'm a little curious though. Do you also get your information about "what women like in bed" from porno flicks?

[TruckerPete]

Originally Posted by serialmonogamist

I understand this feeling, but it doesn't really address the issue of whether you tend to find men more attractive when they are in relationships. Another reason I've heard for this is that being in a relationship makes a man more self-confident, which adds to his attractiveness.

Alright, apparently I have to precisely state, no, I do not find attached men more attractive.

And even if I did, the second one would make a move, he would instantly become unattractive (assuming this is a mono relationship), because he's a cheater.

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by TruckerPete

Alright, apparently I have to precisely state, no, I do not find attached men more attractive.

And even if I did, the second one would make a move, he would instantly become unattractive (assuming this is a mono relationship), because he's a cheater.

Wow! There's also a second time for everything! And on the same day too! Pretty cool.