I Think I'm Polyamorous!

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by serialmonogamist

Is the only way to be totally monogamous to completely emotionally distance yourself from everyone you interact with except your one partner?

Based on how I work: (and I can only speak for myself)
If you are merely acting mono due to conditioning, or your current situation, then keeping a distance would be a strategy to prevent new intimate connections that conflict with an existing one. If however, you are truly internally mono, there is no need to distance yourself from anyone. You only have that one type of intimate connection with a single person. All other relationships involve a different type of connection. The only time these other connections can cause a problem is if you have an insecure partner who views platonic friendships as a threat.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by serialmonogamist

Do you consider a person's behavior polyamorous if they just experience platonic love with multiple people? Do you think it's polyamory when people channel feelings of attraction into non-sexual interactions such a friendships and positive conversation?

to answer these two questions from my perspective; yes, I do consider non-sexual love poly. Asexual people can be poly too and for whatever reason anyone else who does not wish, or doesn't have the ability or it just isn't in the cards right now can have poly relatiionships. I myself have a boyfriend I don't have sex with. Its just not an option right now. I love him as I do my other partners; he is more than just a friend. That feeling I get with friends and the work we put into our relationship is more than that of any of my friendships.

[serialmonogamist]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

Based on how I work: (and I can only speak for myself)
If you are merely acting mono due to conditioning, or your current situation, then keeping a distance would be a strategy to prevent new intimate connections that conflict with an existing one. If however, you are truly internally mono, there is no need to distance yourself from anyone. You only have that one type of intimate connection with a single person. All other relationships involve a different type of connection. The only time these other connections can cause a problem is if you have an insecure partner who views platonic friendships as a threat.

That makes sense but how do you know if the connections you have with people are truly totally platonic or if there's a potential for more? To me it seems like if you find a person attractive and interesting there could always be a potential for a relationship, but the reason you don't pursue every relationship is because there's also a potential for damage.

It's like shopping. You can go shopping and see lots of things you think you would maybe like to buy or at least try out but you limit yourself to only buying the things you really need because you don't want to end up buried under a pile of credit-card bills. With monogamy I think the problem is that many people feel jealous if they just feel like you're paying attention to other merchandise in the store. But I think that may have to do with the fact that women do more work to make themselves appear attractive than men. Women should probably stop competing for male attention unless they're open to polyamory.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by serialmonogamist

. . . With monogamy I think the problem is that many people feel jealous if they just feel like you're paying attention to other merchandise in the store. I think that may have to do with the fact that women do more work to make themselves appear attractive than men. Women should probably stop competing for male attention unless they're open to polyamory.

Excuse me, but I like to appear attractive for myself. I feel good when I am dressed and groomed in a way that I like. If you men can't handle it, look at your own shit.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by serialmonogamist

That makes sense but how do you know if the connections you have with people are truly totally platonic or if there's a potential for more? To me it seems like if you find a person attractive and interesting there could always be a potential for a relationship, but the reason you don't pursue every relationship is because there's also a potential for damage.

.

For me there is a very clear distinction in the types of connection. I agree if you find some one interesting or attractive there might be the potential for more, but for me that is a function of being unconnected or single. When I am connected to a partner I can truly enjoy the company of others because there is no potential for anything beyond friendship. Therefore I don't have that "hunter mentality" to cloud the friendship that is possible when I am unattached.

Monogamy makes me a better friend without an agenda. I'm not trying to get laid or win your heart if I am currently connected so people can relax around me. I'm spending time with you because I simply enjoy your company so to speak

[serialmonogamist]

Originally Posted by nycindie

Excuse me, but I like to appear attractive for myself. I feel good when I am dressed and groomed in a way that I like. If you men can't handle it, look at your own shit.

Right, but if you make yourself attractive for yourself, why would it surprise you if other people find you attractive too? Why would a woman who puts effort into making herself attractive for whatever reason blame her partner for finding other women attractive who use similar techniques for appearing attractive? Attractive = attraction, no?

[serialmonogamist]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

Monogamy makes me a better friend without an agenda. I'm not trying to get laid or win your heart if I am currently connected so people can relax around me. I'm spending time with you because I simply enjoy your company so to speak

This is another reason women seem to find attached (monogamous?) men more attractive.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by serialmonogamist

This is another reason women seem to find attached (monogamous?) men more attractive.

Well, if you are a poly or mono woman looking to date I guess I would be the least attractive There is no unknown factor to me LOL, no suspense of what might happen!

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by serialmonogamist

This is another reason women seem to find attached (monogamous?) men more attractive.

Which women?

[serialmonogamist]

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

Which women?

The ones that feel uncomfortable with being "hunted" and who are unsure about how attractive men are until she sees them with another woman.

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

Well, if you are a poly or mono woman looking to date I guess I would be the least attractive There is no unknown factor to me LOL, no suspense of what might happen!

Many like the challenge of the unattainable, I think - like the way some women are attracted to gay men.