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  #21  
Old 06-13-2011, 03:22 PM
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Default Ah, so here is the hitch

I knew it was going too well. It is still going well, mind, but I've found the caveat. Knight's ex has been sort of orbiting his life and screwing with his head for a while now. She really knows how to hurt him. There is something special between them, I know, but it just bothers me to know how much he ends up hurting because of her.

Anyway, he told her about us last night. She was not happy. There were many tears on both sides.

I know I've contributed to his hurt, if indirectly, although he insists that he is happy with whatever is going on between us.

He is staying in contact with her and trying to be a friend to her. I don't really see that working without hurting him, but I support whatever he decides to do. I do have something of a fear that they will get back together and she will insist that he cease contact with me, but I think that is a risk worth taking. If they get back together and he is happy, I will be happy for him, although I would miss what has been growing between us.

I'm glad he told her, though. Openness, honesty. It's good.

Oh! And I told my mom. She actually took it pretty well. I wouldn't have told her so soon, except that she's been talking about possibly sending my younger sister to live with me for a while, and I thought she should be aware of whatever situation it is that she'd be sending my sister to be around. She was baffled and concerned for Romeo's and my relationship, but accepting. I love my mom. She is seriously awesome.
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Last edited by vixtresses; 06-13-2011 at 03:23 PM. Reason: forgot I'd already mentioned a part in a previous post, so deleted a paragraph.
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  #22  
Old 06-15-2011, 01:17 PM
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Well, so far, nothing much turned out over that "hitch". I told Knight after he saw his ex last night that I was a little worried he would get back with her and she would forbid him from seeing me, and he laughed and cuddled me close. Looks like that's not going to happen. Yay!

We've been telling people. Romeo's told a couple of our friends, I've told my mom, my dad, and a couple of friends, and Knight's told his mom. So far, so good. People are a little dubious when we say that Romeo and I are just fine, but whatever. Time will speak louder than we can.

It's been ten days since I brought all this up to Romeo. It's been five since I broached the topic with Knight. It's been a really great ten days. I hope there are many more really great days.
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Old 06-15-2011, 05:47 PM
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Ouch. First pain, and not from either Knight or Romeo. I've always had a very close relationship with the oldest of my younger brothers. I consider this an important deveopment in my life, so I told him. He is very, very angry. I guess it was maybe too soon to tell him anything, but I think he would have been equally upset or even more so if I had waited until things developed further.

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Old 06-16-2011, 08:17 AM
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Why angry?
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  #25  
Old 06-16-2011, 11:28 AM
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He didn't go into too much detail. He said Romeo is not going to really be OK with this, that he wouldn't be OK with it himself, and that besides that, he doesn't approve of Knight for any of his sisters. He didn't elaborate on that besides saying that he finds Knight intolerably irritating within ten minutes of hanging out with him, and that he thinks Knight has too many issues. He had to go abruptly to "go blow off some steam", and didn't go into much more detail other than to tell me he doesn't want to see Knight when he comes into town.

I'm really inclined to think this is my brother's problem, not mine. I love him, but I really felt like he was being possessive about this whole thing for some reason, which I really wasn't expecting. I don't think I'm going to bother trying to persuade him this is a good thing, I'll just let it play out as it will. Time will speak louder than either of us can.
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Old 06-16-2011, 12:05 PM
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I don't know if it's wise to be out in the open with everyone you know until you feel established with poly and have something solid you can hold up in the light, rather than in an exploratory stage.

And yes, it's your brother's problem that he doesn't believe Romeo's okay with it when he is. But that shouldn't matter to you, does it?
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  #27  
Old 06-16-2011, 12:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I don't know if it's wise to be out in the open with everyone you know until you feel established with poly and have something solid you can hold up in the light, rather than in an exploratory stage.

And yes, it's your brother's problem that he doesn't believe Romeo's okay with it when he is. But that shouldn't matter to you, does it?
Yeah, you're probably right about it being kind of premature to be so out in the open with people just yet. I just feel kind of icky about people thinking that I'm sneaking around on Romeo.

It shouldn't matter to me, I guess, but it still does affect me. I've always been close with this brother. I wonder if his feelings on the matter are at all influenced by him being in the Navy now?

ETA: More thoughts. I think I need to retreat to myself a bit. I'm overwhelmed. I feel like we're moving slowly (mostly because my body wants to go faster ), but in my head I know we're not. We've taken some pretty huge steps in a short period of time. There's been a whole lot of exhilaration, and there have been a couple of downers, and I think I'm feeling kind of emotionally tired. I am an introvert by nature, so I need to remember to take time to myself to recharge and gather my thoughts.

Today I think I'll go see Knight for a couple of hours before he goes to work tonight, and then I'll snuggle with Romeo all night. Tomorrow, I have my therapy appointment after work, and I think I'll find some quiet place to spend the rest of the evening by myself. I'll bring my crochet and a book and just disconnect for a bit.
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Last edited by vixtresses; 06-16-2011 at 02:17 PM.
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  #28  
Old 06-22-2011, 12:11 PM
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What is there to say when things are going well? I definitely got over my funk on Friday. Went to get a pedicure, read a little, then went to Knight's place.

I think I spent about 3 or 4 nights over at Knight's place. Things have been getting pretty hot and heavy, but we have to wait to have sex until we've both gotten tested for STDs... we're both going today to get tested. I hope the results come in soon. In the meantime, I'm not spending the night over there again until this weekend... we could both use some distance to cool down a little. I'll still go see him, though.

Meanwhile, Romeo and I have been making like rabbits... is that normal? He sure isn't complaining, at any rate. We've always had good and relatively frequent sex, but it had slowed down to maybe 3-5 times a week. Lately it's back up to at least once a day, maybe more. Again... not that either of us is complaining.

I called out sick from work yesterday. Romeo and I both came down with a cold at some point. Knight went with me to go get Tylenol and stuff, and then came back to my place and made us chicken soup. After soup, I sat between Romeo and Knight on the sofa while Romeo played videogames and Knight and I surfed the internet. It was really nice to be close to both of them.

It's kind of weird how normal this all feels, if that makes any sense at all.
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Old 06-23-2011, 11:57 AM
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OK, our resolve not to have sex until STD test results came back completely dissolved last night. We both (Knight and I) had gone to get tested that day, and were just waiting to see what the results were... I went to his place last night after class, things got hot and heavy, one thing led to another, and... well, you know how this ends. We started out with a condom, but finished without one (I know, I know, totally defeats the purpose of having one).

I think I was a little too idealistic when I set those particular boundaries. I should know myself better than that... I've never liked condoms. I know, I know! They're basic protection, essential, etc., but... sex just doesn't feel the same with a condom. It just doesn't. The friction's different, there are weird sloshy, squeaky noises with a condom, the material bunches up and chafes... Excuses, excuses, I know.

Anyway, I did tell Romeo. He wasn't upset or surprised that we had sex, but he did say he was upset that we didn't use a condom. He said it in a sort of teasing way, so I couldn't quite tell how upset he was exactly, but I believe him when he says he was upset. We decided to hold off on having sex ourselves until Knight's and my results come in. I'm skeptical that'll actually work... Romeo's and my resolve to do things properly in the sex department has always sucked, too. We tried using condoms once upon a time, too, and soon gave them up because we both hated them.

Honestly, though, I'm trying to beat myself up about this and I'm still too stupid-smiley from the sex last night to even feel very bad about it. I am fairly confident Knight's clean - he gets tested every six months anyway. If anything, I'm the one to worry about, since I've never been tested, and he knows that and my sexual history.

Bah. Clearly, I suck at being a good poly.
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  #30  
Old 06-23-2011, 08:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vixtresses View Post
We started out with a condom, but finished without one (I know, I know, totally defeats the purpose of having one).

I think I was a little too idealistic when I set those particular boundaries. I should know myself better than that... I've never liked condoms. I know, I know! They're basic protection, essential, etc., but... sex just doesn't feel the same with a condom. It just doesn't. The friction's different, there are weird sloshy, squeaky noises with a condom, the material bunches up and chafes... Excuses, excuses, I know.
This is just stubbornness and a bit of deliberate ignorance, I think. There are hundreds of brands of condoms for all different shapes, lengths, and girths of penises, and in all types of thicknesses (hello, ultra-thin, anyone?), and with a variety of ribs, dots, colors, whatever. Buy an assortment and find which ones you like best. Lube helps with friction. Make friends with lube, it's fun and pleasurable to use. It's not only your own life you're playing fast and irresponsible with, it's your beloved's too. There are good prices to buy assortment packs online (undercovercondoms.com is one place, drugstore.com has some).

It isn't funny. If you're going to be open or have poly relationships, you've got to use condoms. It takes a long time and a great deal of trust to go without. Not using condoms because you have this idea that you hate them is simply childish and unrealistic in this day and age. I know I might come off sounding harsh, but it's tough love. Ya gotta wake up and grow up.

Thwack! (that was me smacking you in the head)
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Last edited by nycindie; 06-24-2011 at 12:40 AM.
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