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  #11  
Old 06-20-2011, 11:19 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post

I was very surprised by the responses. All were initially negative.
I'm not surprised at all.I think most kids would have a hard time believing that this wouldn't hurt the other parent. It's in our nature to protect those we love and I believe most children would see this as a betrayal.

On a similar note; How many people would want to see their kids in a poly relationship? Of those questioned how many actually have kids and want their kids to have children of there own? I bet people with children who want grand children would have statistically different answers.
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  #12  
Old 06-21-2011, 04:25 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I think as always it's an expectation that any new person would be a stranger taking people away. They probably don't think "hey, one more person to show up for my games if the others can't!" yet it would happen if they develop a close bond over time. No, to them it's one person to take their parents away from taking care of them, not one more person to help with stuff.
Yet with three people, one can imagine there could be one there helping while the two others are together. Even more so with more people obviously. That could mean letting their parents spend more time together from time to time, as well.

But I'm not surprised at all. Especially since you said they're boys, and well, when I grew up boys that age had that weird thing with their mothers, even suggesting they had sex with their dads was like an insult, because they were their moms, and they were pure and holy or something. So having a relationship with someone else? Inconceivable for them.
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Old 06-21-2011, 05:33 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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mono ...I guess I expected a more laid back, go with the flow....what ever makes them happy type response. The other thing I thought was interesting was when one of them brought up that this seemed to be like a hobby that included sex.

The group 8 males 1 female ....female 1st time married 2 kids 32, male 26 single no kids we know of , male 29 single never married has 1 small child with live in gf , male 38 married 4 kids ,1st marriage. And none of the boys/young men had kids or wives.

The question or questions related to grand children didn't come up that I heard ....with 10 people there were lots of side conversations going on all at once. The older folks were trying to put themselves either back as a teen confronted with said question or thinking about the "what if" mom and dad announced today they were going to open their marriage....how they would feel and respond.

Tonberry I didn't hear anyone make comments about strangers taking a parent away. It was centered around time or their perception of the lack of..and the commitments of the parents. Or the parents getting lost in a hobby ....and then by extension this newest hobby ...open marriage.
As an ex-player and coach the stands could be completely full people but the kid only want the parents or grand parents sometimes girlfriend/boyfriend there.....mom or dads new play mate not so much.

I think you summed up their( the boys ) thought process perfectly ...Inconceivable.... that is it in a nut shell.
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  #14  
Old 06-21-2011, 06:26 PM
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It was centered around time or their perception of the lack of..and the commitments of the parents. Or the parents getting lost in a hobby ....and then by extension this newest hobby ...open marriage.
As an ex-player and coach the stands could be completely full people but the kid only want the parents or grand parents sometimes girlfriend/boyfriend there.....mom or dads new play mate not so much.
Parents that get "overly involved" in any hobby or activity causes issues.

They may not want the "new" play mate, but someone that has been part of the family for years, they do want there. It makes a difference, if this person has always put the kids first. The kids know when they come first and it does make a diffference how they perceive/relate to others. My husbands bff is like this. She will and has dropped everything, because one of my kids forgot their lunch or needed a change of clothes brought to them at school, etc and the kids know it.

Most kids don't even give a second thought to what goes on outside of their presence, unless it is causing serious waves in their life. If it is causing Mommy and Daddy to argue more, if one or both parents are more absent, etc.

I agree, for most kids the sexual aspect of their parents is just inconceiveable until they gain alot more life experience (mid 20s +). However, knowing it weirds out the teenagers, makes them so much more fun to tease.
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  #15  
Old 06-23-2011, 01:48 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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SN ....the topic of new playmates attending events didn't come up in that discussion. I've seen the reaction of my teammates or players to divorced parents with new love interests or new step parents. It has ranged from indifference to annoyance. If the thought of this strange new guy banging your mom is disgusting having him there to watch you play or perform may not be a positive thing ...in fact it could be a negative. I agree that treasured family friends will always be appreciated. I was thinking in the context of the new open marriage hypothetical.
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Old 06-23-2011, 04:50 PM
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I've seen the reaction of my teammates or players to divorced parents with new love interests or new step parents. It has ranged from indifference to annoyance. If the thought of this strange new guy banging your mom is disgusting having him there to watch you play or perform may not be a positive thing ...in fact it could be a negative.
Like I said, with most kids it's all about how much havoc they see this new person making in their lives. Is the other parent constantly bad mouthing their ex's new bf/gf and vice versa? Does the new bf/gf give off vibes that the kids are an annoyance? Are the kids just angry because their parents are no longer together?

Bringing people who don't have a relationship with the kid to that kid's events is a bit odd to me. Going to their important events is NOT the time to build the relationship, unless the kid specifically asks them to come.

Quote:
I agree that treasured family friends will always be appreciated. I was thinking in the context of the new open marriage hypothetical.
I guess I couldn't even imagine telling the kids that there was anything more involved until the new partner was accepted as a family friend by the kids.
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