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Old 06-21-2011, 03:22 PM
Chimera Chimera is offline
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 66
Default How have people dealt with issues of cheating/betrayal?

Hi folks,

I'm new to this forum, posted an introduction in that area.

I found the forum looking around for advice on how to do deal with issues of recurring cheating in LT poly relationships.

I have an almost 20-year relationship that continues to be incredible, wonderful, fulfilling in many ways. Yet, my partner cannot stop breaking our agreements/boundaries. What we have is fairly minimal -- you must communicate BEFORE you do anything sexual with another person. Since we opened ourselves up to our circle of mutual friends, this has been an important agreement. He cannot seem to abide by this and every so often (every 8 mos? year?) cheats. He tells me after (he's moved on from an episode of lying), but it's still cheating. We've both broken our boundaries in the past and I've changed my behavior -- he seems to, but then it happens again. My sense is that he has some underlying issues that are motivating this, but he can't/won't deal with them. I believe people have the potential to change, but I'm tired of being hurt. The hard thing is I know he loves me and there are many positives about our relationship.

I am, however, at the point of ending it. I can't see a way out. That's why I wanted to ask others, if you've been in similar scenarios, what have you done? What has worked/helped you out? Any advice potential paths for going forward?
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