A Jack & Jill Story
Jack and Jill were out for a stroll one day. They had never met one another before, and were walking from opposite directions. There was a hill near the horizon and that's where each of them had decided to walk, so they could look down upon the town and ponder it all.
When Jack arrived atop the hill, Jill was there, sitting on a bench and drinking lemonade. And Jill was happy to see Jack and said hello and introduced herself. Pretty soon Jack and Jill were happily drinking lemonade on the bench together and talking about the pondering of it all. They were both a little shy and awkward at first, but as time went on they got comfortable with one another. They decided to meet atop the hill again, next Saturday.
After weeks of meeting atop the hill, one fine Saturday, Jack shyly and awkwardly reached out and touched Jill's hand. Jill was happy about this, and she opened her hand and gently held Jack's hand in hers. And together they pondered things atop the hill.
Next time they met they held hands immediately upon meeting, but first they exchanged hugs. After pondering things together a while they kissed.
And things were going alright for a while, and there was much joy and happiness shared, and many things pondered. But Jill began to lose her joy. The seed of a worry that had at first been very small had grown larger. Jill began to worry that somehow she would end up hurting Jack. Jill loved Jack very much, but the fear that she might hurt Jack grew larger and larger until that fear began to close Jill's heart right up when she was with Jack, or even when she thought about Jack.
And Jack's heart also began to feel a little tight when he was with Jill, because Jill no longer smiled quite as much or radiated much happiness and peace. Jack began to feel some hurt when he was with Jill. He felt rejected. "She doesn't love me much anymore," thought Jack.
And Jack didn't smile quite so much anymore, either, and began to feel mostly sad and hurt around Jill.
Jill's fears were confirmed. She had hurt Jack! And this made her feel really awful about herself. And the more awful she felt about herself the more awful she felt about herself, because now Jack feels even worse and worse each day, because Jill is in too much pain about hurting Jack to warm Jack with handholding and kisses and smiles.
By this time Jack and Jill would meet atop the hill and wonder why the hell they're even doing this any more. They're both all caught up in "I'm a bad person" stories. "I'm not good enough."
But the pain of it all made Jack ponder all the more. He looked deeply into things and saw what was happening. This made him smile again, for there was still hope.
"Jill," said Jack, "I have a plan."
"What is your plan?" asked Jill.
[By this time, Jill had shared with Jack her fear that she would one day hurt Jack.]
"Let's let each other go, said Jack."
[Jill was afraid she'd hurt Jack by leaving him one day.]
"But I really do love you, Jack, and I want to be with you now."
[Jack's heart began to open and soften again, hearing this.]
"Yes, Jill, but all of our fear that one day things between us may go badly are actually causing things to go quite badly right now, when we really do love one another."
[Jill saw that this was true, and realized that there was indeed hope, and this caused her to feel great joy and love, which she shared with Jack. And they held hands and kissed and pondered some more.]
"I love you so very much, Jack," said Jill.
[Jack looked into Jill's eyes and at her bright smile and saw that this was true, which
And so Jack and Jill, because they loved each other ever so much, held each other tightly as they let each other go.
And years passed and whenever they are together you can see them holding each other tightly and letting each other go.
"I love you so much!" said Jack and Jill.
Well, I told you folks I was working on being "naked" (vulnerable, honest, expressive, myself, etc.), so in that light let me share with you that I was really struck by the beauty of the little girls at the grocery store this evening. There's something about throwing your heart open to a woman that does that to a bi guy who's been mainly with men. My female love interest was once a little girl, just like these. And so they shine, they glow with the young and tenderest of the feminine. They are beautiful, are they not? Little girls?
Please don't call the cops! I'm just sayin' they're so beautiful.
there is this image
and the image is the knot
and the image of myself
tender and self-loving enough
to be held and loved tenderly
is this knot of self-rejection
this longing and fear
is the knot
these hopes and dreams are
and the idea that there is really
no knot is the
because it is an idea
please hold me
as I hold
I was impatient, yesterday. I wanted it all and I wanted it then. Today, I'm much more tender toward myself. Time is my friend again. And I realize how lucky and blessed I am. And the freedom and joy have returned, somewhat. And that's enough. It's enough to have the window open and the cool air.
Spent hours with cuddle-buddy Russell yesterday evening. We talked heart-and-soul talk with one another, naked words (literal clothes on). I told him how I've really been needing the sort of intimate friendship we are having now, and how little of it I have had in my life. .... I find myself truth-telling everywhere I go, as much as is possible and not too nutty. I want to release the apparent gap between what I am and how I am. I suppose this is all I do now--, let go.
I want to be here for each sunrise and sunset, every child's eyes, every flower, every wound, every star, moon, cloud, earthworm, kiss, joy, hurt, fear.... I want to be here. Here is where I want to be.
Last edited by River; 06-30-2011 at 01:59 PM.
Climb Mount Fuji,
but slowly, slowly.
Even in Kyoto --
hearing the cuckoo's cry --
I long for Kyoto.
I want to be here, I said. And I thought to add, now.
I want to be here now. Now when the rains threaten not to come in the cool wind above the dank and also dry Earth. Now amid the distant turtles and snails which are also so near. Now when whole fractions of mountains slide off. Now when the rumbling cool of welcome and the collapse of syntax. Now when I refuse to pay a sin tax. Now and here in crazy puns and rhymes. Here and now where I've always already been.
The gifts! I played it on my saxophone, but couldn't hear the music -- deaf, dumb and silly, wanting to melt like spring.
Unhidden in this ordinary world, Matsuo Basho blows his own horn!
Last edited by River; 06-30-2011 at 08:40 PM.
"Rocks will open and make a way for the lover."
~Hazrat Inayat Khan
I love Catfish and Charlie.
the violet lovedrunk ribcage!
swimming steady silent
notice it and it grows
attend to it and it blooms
stay with it and it awakens
it opens its barred door
the door flies from its hinges
there was never a door!
the moon is up
the tides are in
the breath rises
the heart pulses
why was i then
afraid of falling?
what's all of this business
about rising all the time?
letting go is falling
didn't i always say
the burden of holding on
was too much?
Last edited by River; 07-02-2011 at 05:26 PM.
Wanting to nap
Hot, July, naked on the bed
Where is the deep rest?
I wonder to myself
Here I am
Like a silent memory
Of a Greater Breath
~Alice in Wonderland?!~
And the cliche
No poet should touch!
The ubiquitous image
Of a water droplet falling
Into a rippling center
I have become stars
I am weary
After this many millennia
Sleeping in my
And find rest
|journal, life experiences|