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  #171  
Old 06-18-2011, 12:52 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
And a personal lifestyle is not a shared "Lifestyle." Polyamory is part of my personal lifestyle, yet there is no "polyamory lifestyle" that I share with anybody else on these boards. Please reread the thread and you'll find a good explanation of the differences between a personal lifestyle and a shared "Lifestyle."
I don't think Swingers is here to read what other people have written.
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  #172  
Old 06-18-2011, 02:08 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I totally get the distinction between "a lifestyle" and "the lifestyle" by the way, and I'm glad you mentioned that.
However it still makes sense to use "the" depending on the sentence... Like, you can't say "how are you enjoying a lifestyle?", you know what I mean?

I actually came to the thread because today there was a guy on TV who had two horses. He commented "it's a lifestyle". I thought I had to repeat it here, because every time I hear that word now I think of this thread. Heh.
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  #173  
Old 06-19-2011, 04:04 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Lifestyle implies a .. temporariness, or.. lack of importance.. Poly isn't a "lifestyle"...

No one says "thats a monogamous lifestyle".. people would look at ya funny. Poly is the same way.. period. Not swinger vs poly.. not poly vs mono.. nothing.
Well how about the word "culture" or even "subculture?" After all, monogamy is the ruling culture in the West. It's ipso facto, the default. Poly people are in a subculture. We do have a culture, even if one of us is a vegan, another loves those UFC fights, another one is a poet or lactivist or computer geek.

We share concerns and issues, even if we are black or white, straight or queer, old or young, vanilla or kinky. How to communicate openly and honestly (even more important for us than for monos), how to find local poly people, how to progress in a new relationship with little or no damage to the primary partnership, dealing openly with jealousy/envy, degrees of sexual intimacy with a 2nd lover that the established partner is ok with, how often to text, call, or message, how to schedule dates with 2 or more partners, how to be "one's own primary" when a lover is out with someone else, how to come out to family and friends, whether to share childbirth/child-care with the other lover(s), more LDRs (because good local polys can be hard to find), co-housing with 2 lovers, how to be friends with a metamour, higher percentage of bisexuals in our group, etc etc.

I feel fine with calling it a poly culture.
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  #174  
Old 06-19-2011, 04:48 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Maybe its because I sit so far outside of the poly norm. There are definitive groupings of who poly people are. They can usually meet on political and religious grounds and have poly be included.

I find labels that group people badly constraining. You can look at any culture or subculture, or lifestyle, and you immediately create limitations on who they are. Polyamory as a "collective" does that.

Hell, I am a conservative.. that sticks me with a lot of very harsh criticisms sometimes. To take that further there are poly people that will refuse to talk to me because I lean on the right side of middle. They won't even allow an explanation of my stance.

We.. as a whole may want polyamory culture to only define how we love.. but thats simply not the case. The reality is polyamory brings with it stereotypes and conditioning.. now if I had the time or inclination I might be willing to stand there and fight against those stereotypes, but I just can't. So I have to be clear that poly for me is a way of loving, not a constraining "sub-culture" or "lifestyle"...

You can even look at kink, most people make massive assumptions when you say you are kinky. I HATE being tied to that. The subculture of kink and fetish lock you into certain beliefs perpetuated by their need to be different. How many vanillas have I met that believe my immediate sexual desire is to beat them.. because of the myths perpetuated by lifestylers...

Now are their lifestylers, can they be people existing within the sub culture.. sure.. absolutely.. My personal take on it is that I don't. These pieces of my life are all small parts of me.. not some greater movement..

I like to flog my bi-sexual lovers who are being video tapes, while debating the importance of fiscal responsibility and the absurdity of religious constrained.. and loving them at the same time. All the while not being dressed in pleather and demanding the attention I didn't get at a younger age and of course doing this in the privacy of my own home.

*shrugs*.. poly is poly.. I love more than one in a non-monogamous way.. I enjoy the people I meet because of poly, I hang out with poly people... their is no sub culture or lifestyle there for me.

ps, this is all about me and my views. I could be way off in left field. Maybe there is a sub culture to making chilli (something else I enjoy and do often) but again, I just like to eat.. its not a subculture for me either.. poly isn't any different. (well, except the level of spiciness)
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  #175  
Old 06-19-2011, 05:41 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post

I like to flog my bi-sexual lovers who are being video tapes, while debating the importance of fiscal responsibility and the absurdity of religious constrained.. and loving them at the same time. All the while not being dressed in pleather and demanding the attention I didn't get at a younger age and of course doing this in the privacy of my own home.
Really ? Thank gawd you weren`t like that with me. I`d of snapped your flogger, and thumped you with my Rosary. haha !


As for the topic,.... don`t really see the problem with 'lifestyle'. You don`t like the word for yourself, don`t use it. If you do,..use it. Words morph, and gain new meanings over time. The argument that 'monogamy' doesn`t call itself a lifestyle is leading the topic a bit stray, I think.
Monogamy is taken for granted, and so are the implications of it. Words to describe it, are very basic, and simple. It is assumed to be 'natural'. Requiring less explanation, and less labelling.
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  #176  
Old 06-19-2011, 07:13 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Well how about the word "culture" or even "subculture?" After all, monogamy is the ruling culture in the West. It's ipso facto, the default. Poly people are in a subculture. We do have a culture, even if one of us is a vegan, another loves those UFC fights, another one is a poet or lactivist or computer geek.
I'd say that is also incorrect. Monogamy is a default assumption in the predominant culture of the West. That doesn't make monogamy a culture unto itself. A culture is described by noting a collection of shared assumptions and practices.

That also doesn't mean that the folks who act outside cultural expectations automatically share a subculture, as subcultures, too, rely on a collection of characteristics that define them. There are no characteristics beyond poly that are shared by even a majority of polyfolk, so no actual sub-culture definition is possible.

There is no Poly Lifestyle and there is no Poly Subculture. There are only folks who have multiple, ethical, romantic relationships as part of their personal lifestyles.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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  #177  
Old 06-20-2011, 08:05 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
A culture is described by noting a collection of shared assumptions and practices...

There is no Poly Lifestyle and there is no Poly Subculture. There are only folks who have multiple, ethical, romantic relationships as part of their personal lifestyles.
Agree to disagree. I feel like I am in a subculture and this board is part of it. *shrug*
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miss pixi, 37
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  #178  
Old 06-20-2011, 04:50 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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In sociology, anthropology and cultural studies, a subculture is a group of people with a culture (whether distinct or hidden) which differentiates them from the larger culture to which they belong.

By this definition I think that poly does qualify as a subculture within western culture. Most people in western society believe (on the surface anyway) of loving only one at a time. Poly people obviously do not, making poly people distinct in that way from the larger culture.
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  #179  
Old 06-20-2011, 05:21 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
Really ? Thank gawd you weren`t like that with me. I`d of snapped your flogger, and thumped you with my Rosary. haha !
.
And I would have liked that
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  #180  
Old 06-20-2011, 05:38 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
That's it. If you want to ask Poly folk about their Lifestyle...you just need to substitute the word Lifestyle with Poly. Otherwise the poly folk get confused and think they're being confused with swingers...with similar reactions to Kiwi's being assumed for Aussie's, Canucks for Yanks, or pudgy for pregnant...and that should be enough generalizations to choke a medium equestrian mammal.
Damn, forgot the first rule of the forum - don't drink beverages while reading!

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