Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #1  
Old 06-16-2011, 01:35 PM
TL4everu2's Avatar
TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Clearwater, Fl.
Posts: 907
Default separation anxiety?

Ok, so this morning, Cotton Candy (LT) and I were talking about me and her going on dates alone with other people. She has been on one for real, and one...KINDA. But that's a WHOLE different story for a different day. I've only been on one alone. Now, neither of us played or anything else on our dates alone. Further, those dates were YEARS ago. (like almost 10 years)

Cotton Candy and I have been married for 20 years. I know...WOW! Right? Yeah, to us too! We're proud, yet also scared at the same time. For about 12 years, we actually worked together. Which meant that we were together from the time we woke up in the morning, to the time we fell asleep at night. Then, we were only separated by our dreams. Which, in an odd turn, often were VERY similar.

We have found it VERY difficult to actually allow the other person to go out and "date" other people alone. We find ourselves feeling jealous and upset when an actual date looms on the horizon.

Have any of you ever felt this anxiety?

We have likened it to separation anxiety that is often found in children. This morning, Cotton Candy asked me "When you leave a new puppy alone in the house, what does he do?" Well...."A puppy alone will whine and cry until you return" I answered. Then she asked me "Ok, what does a little child do in the same situation?" "The same thing I suppose" I answered.

Then, she explained to me how when leaving a puppy or a child alone at first, such as for daycare, we have to go with little steps. a 5 minute time apart......Then bump it up to a 10 minute time.......Then 20 minutes.....Eventually, the puppy AND/OR child realizes that mommy or daddy WILL come back to THEM.

So, she concluded, that maybe we need to simply set up a 30 minute or hour long "mini-(alone)date" with our new found interests.

An interesting concept to be sure. How did you guys deal/cope in the beginning? (I realize that some of you have never had this problem personally, but you may know someone who has. So please post up examples and/or results.








P.s. I have to say that it was kind of a shock to me to come to this realization about myself. Realizing that I was doing this too, and not just Cotton Candy, was a bit of a shock as I've always THOUGHT I would be fine with "whatever"....But now, I'm clearly not. I think that part of the problem, is that Model is so much like myself when I was his age. (He is only 25) and maybe THAT scares me.......That he is the younger, more attractive (than I EVER was LOL), more virile, version of myself...and I might loose her to him. She and I have been together so long, I couldn't bear the loss. Weird....I know.....as I've never really had this feeling before.
__________________
There is a lid for every pot...Sometimes even two or three...

Last edited by TL4everu2; 06-16-2011 at 03:19 PM.
Reply With Quote
 

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:29 PM.