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  #11  
Old 06-15-2011, 02:27 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
The point will be to help poly people who love mono people cope and understand them so that they can be sucessful in their relationships.
Hey RP,

I think I would try to work in the concept we talk about - i.e. "Fullness".

I think there is a percentage mono people that don't necessarily struggle with the concept of poly from a theoretical basis as much as they can't see it being applicable to them because of their own lower 'fill point'.
Does that make sense ?
I think Mon is one of those so if I'm fuzzy here he may be able to elaborate some.
I think this is one of the sticking points that you have to get through. Many mono people fall into the trap of feeling insufficient when a partner says they want/need more - be it social interaction, affection, sex, love etc. When in reality it's really just a variation in 'fill points'.

GS
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  #12  
Old 06-15-2011, 04:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
It is a list I came up with from being on here and reading peoples stories. I realize that mono people can and do operate from other perspectives also, and that poly people operate from different perspectives...
Well the people who come here are a small sliver of the population at large, it might help to find other sources to research this workshop. How far away is it? Meaning how much time to you have to plan?
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  #13  
Old 06-16-2011, 05:09 AM
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Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
Maybe something like:

"Mono relationship structures tend to be more focused on feelings of security and "belonging to" each other."

Feel free to use, edit or generally mess about with if you find the wording helpful.
well I feel I belong to my men, but I don't feel owned by PN. I feel owned by Mono though. Hm. I'm not sure belonging is quite it either. Its a matter of freedom, ones independence in every way. It's a. Mind set some how that I hope to protray.

Thanks dinged. I realize that some people will disagree, I'm not here to dispute that. I'm hoping to get to the bottom of explaining the difference to those attending the workshop so that it can be useful to explain to a potential partner at some point.
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  #14  
Old 06-16-2011, 05:16 AM
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Thanks GS and NYCindie. All good points. Yes I am taking many avenues into account. I have about a month. There are definitely different ways that one who is mono look at this. As there are differing poly ways to look at it also.

I guess it comes down to sharing or not. What is behind that. I have seen the three points mentioned. Are there more?

For Mono and I and our family, everything came together at the right time. I don't see that happen often. Most of the time poly and mono partners drive each other crazy and hurt each other. Why?
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  #15  
Old 06-16-2011, 09:10 AM
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A question just came to my mind: how different from each other "philosophically" are monogamy and a closed polyfidelitous arrangement? Not much, I think.
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  #16  
Old 06-16-2011, 10:33 AM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
A question just came to my mind: how different from each other "philosophically" are monogamy and a closed polyfidelitous arrangement? Not much, I think.

I'm not really interested in poly-fi arrangements because why should they appeal to when monogamy doesn't? So I agree, contrasting poly-fi and open polyships with each other might a good idea.
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  #17  
Old 06-16-2011, 02:35 PM
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Hm, good point about there not being a difference between polyfi and mono relationships. I'm not experiencing much difference. This just got a whole lot more complicated. I'm gunna suck at this workshop. Funny, I was so confident way back when I offered to do it. I don't believe at all that poly and mono people should mix. I have seen nothing but hardship in the end for those trying to live it, yet I live it and am just fine. I think I will have to do a whole bunch of brain work to come up with something. I better get these men on it too. Its not just my gig.
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  #18  
Old 06-16-2011, 08:07 PM
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So it's your premise that the people attending the workshop feel that way? Or at least the poly half do ....I guess you know your audience better than anyone here. Good luck D
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  #19  
Old 06-16-2011, 08:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Hm, good point about there not being a difference between polyfi and mono relationships. I'm not experiencing much difference. This just got a whole lot more complicated. I'm gunna suck at this workshop. Funny, I was so confident way back when I offered to do it. I don't believe at all that poly and mono people should mix. I have seen nothing but hardship in the end for those trying to live it, yet I live it and am just fine. I think I will have to do a whole bunch of brain work to come up with something. I better get these men on it too. Its not just my gig.
Nothing wrong with living it and still saying its hard as hell. I doubt many people could do it. It requires a special blend per se.

"I live it and I am just fine"

Has it always been the case. You are looking at it now, what about diving into the 2.5 year history and pulling from that. You and mono put a lot of work into it, which has made it what it is
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  #20  
Old 06-16-2011, 08:21 PM
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Why not just share your experiences living a poly/mono relationship, and then open it up to discussion or questions among attendees? Rather than making it a lecture/presentation about what one or the other is... what is it for you? Maybe come up with 3 or 4 (more than that is too many) guidelines / mileposts / lessons you've learned along the way that you think others could take with them. You are the expert of your own experience.
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Last edited by nycindie; 06-16-2011 at 08:27 PM.
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