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  #21  
Old 06-14-2011, 11:15 PM
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LostRane LostRane is offline
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Default Wait...

If you are dishonest with me or any of my partners then its over. We have build our lives and relationships on honesty and trust..

Without these we have nothing...

Just my thoughts....
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  #22  
Old 06-15-2011, 01:15 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
I don't know that I would want to date someone who would do a background check on me. I don't have anything to hide by any means but it would make me uncomfortable that someone was going behind my back to find things out when they first met me rather than just asking me about myself.
This.

I will assume that anybody doing such a check on me (when I've no idea if I even want this person in my life on an ongoing basis) has no sense of personal boundaries or no respect for other people. I am certainly not going to discuss everything in my past with somebody I've not known long, and should they mention anything I've not shared as yet, that's time for me to walk away. Hell, if they mention that they did a check and were pleased to find that I don't have a criminal record (which is the case), I'd walk on. Homey don't play them games.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

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  #23  
Old 06-15-2011, 01:34 AM
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clairegoad clairegoad is offline
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Okay, let's be practical... IF someone is in your home---and you are asleep....

Do you trust that they will not take a check from the back of your checkbook... or medication from your pill bottles... or help themselves to your jewelry or electronics? Maybe inventory your mutual fund portfolio?

Perhaps they could help themselves to your passwords and bank information online, by accessing your computer.

They would have access to your tax returns and....

If someone is alone in my house, I need to know that they are trustworthy.

and yes, it takes some time to get close to me... I've been burned. So I'm very careful. (and that was a remodeler, not a lover...who kicked in my door and stole everything he could.)
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  #24  
Old 06-15-2011, 02:00 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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When you meet people "naturally", such as through work or through family or other friends, you have some sort of "referral" to go by and many times we don't even wonder whether a person has some skeletons in their closet, then the skeletons come out and it's no big deal because you kind of have a feel for whether the person is ok or not already.

But, when you're meeting people in a "meat-market" sort of context, such as at a bar or through a site such as OKC, they have more of a reason to want to make themselves seem attractive, and sometimes that means down-playing some unsavory thing about themselves.

I don't think you were "wrong" to do a background check, but personally it's not something I would do because I'd simply grill the person and expose any inconsistencies in their stories by myself. However, I don't need this kind of crap in my life and it's simply another reason why I don't "try" to meet people.
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  #25  
Old 06-15-2011, 02:29 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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We met this guy at McDonalds while waiting for someone to show up to fix our computer. He actually happened to know how to fix it, and did so for us for a decent price. LT mentioned that she thought he was hot, so conversations ensued. Leading to a date out with him. Then a second date.

For the future, we will be letting people know up front, that we will likely do a background check, and would appreciate them doing one on us.

But....Getting caught up in a lie, is no excuse to get mad for someone checking up on public records. Not proud of your past? Bummer. It should be a lesson to either come clean when given the chance (the chance was when I told him that all we want from him is for him to be honest with us and him) or suffer the consequences of your past.
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  #26  
Old 06-15-2011, 02:36 AM
Jericka Jericka is offline
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I'm sure all the people that let Bernie Madoff "invest" their money felt that they had a good idea of how trustworthy he was from all his references as well...

Lots of identity theft happens with family members using a person's ID.

I'm sure I think that I know which of my friends and acquaintances are honest and which are not. I don't really know if I am right or wrong.

As far as checking up on someone goes, it may actually be easier to do it if you are meeting someone on OKCupid or the like, because you can ask them upfront about it, and offer the same to them. Just like STD testing. There is less likelihood that they will be deathly offended if you ask them for permission to check, than someone that you had met more organically through friends or clubs.
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  #27  
Old 06-15-2011, 03:49 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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An actual background check.. To be honest I would end it right there. Not my bag.

A little google search or even asking to read through some of my other sites sure why not.

Some things are private, and can come out with time. He likely wanted some discretion or he'll, a chance. I can understand not being entirely up front. I can personally understand someone in that situation wanting.. Time...

Consider how many people would judge him instantly for having a record, before giving the chance to prove himself.
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  #28  
Old 06-15-2011, 04:01 AM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
An actual background check.. To be honest I would end it right there. Not my bag.

A little google search or even asking to read through some of my other sites sure why not.
Some background checks can be easier than finding someone's blog . Blogs can be made private, have weird names, etc where criminal records can't. Doing a google search for a person is a form of a background check.

Last edited by SNeacail; 06-15-2011 at 04:28 AM.
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  #29  
Old 06-15-2011, 04:04 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Some background checks can be easier than finding someone's blog. Blogs can be made private, have weird names, etc where criminal records can't. Doing a google search for a person is a form of a background check.
I think of background checks from my days working in a prison. Very intrusive and lots of information. it borders on the creepy...

A lil google search to find out more about the persons personality is different. Heck I usually give peope I am interested in access to my other profiles to see what I am like. Facebook, fet etc. It's a big part of the courting as I do spend a lot of time online. So it is kind of a non issue for me.
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  #30  
Old 06-15-2011, 04:13 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clairegoad View Post
Okay, let's be practical... IF someone is in your home---and you are asleep....

Do you trust that they will not take a check from the back of your checkbook... or medication from your pill bottles... or help themselves to your jewelry or electronics? Maybe inventory your mutual fund portfolio?

Perhaps they could help themselves to your passwords and bank information online, by accessing your computer.

They would have access to your tax returns and....

If someone is alone in my house, I need to know that they are trustworthy.

and yes, it takes some time to get close to me... I've been burned. So I'm very careful. (and that was a remodeler, not a lover...who kicked in my door and stole everything he could.)
Until it reached the end, I thought you were arguing that doing a background check on someone behind their back was the same as all your examples (as in, just because it's there doesn't mean you should take it), but then I realised the were reasons why you think background checks should be done.

Of course I also read your examples wrong for some reason, thinking the person was checking previous checks to see who you made them too, checking your medication to see what kind you took, checking your jewelry, getting your passwords to read your email, etc, in other words things that are comparable to a background check in that they're about gathering information about someone behind their back when they assume you're not doing that even though you have the means.
Actual thefts on the other hand are not in the same area as all, although quite honestly I think I'd forgive someone more easily for stealing something from me than gathering data behind my back, provided they didn't steal much and have a reason.
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