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  #41  
Old 06-10-2011, 10:59 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by Overthinker View Post
What irks me the most is that when I did ask him if we still were following this particular boundary he was very clear to me that I needed to make sure I let him know if and when I sent anything to my bf, but then he did the exact opposite and couldn't even tell me that he broke the boundary. As many posters have said, boundaries can't be one sided, they have to be agreed upon by those making the boundaries.

I am leaning towards just letting this one go but wonder if this is just leaving the door open for more dishonesty in the future. All in all, a video is a very minor thing in the whole scheme of things.
Whoa whoa whoa that makes you even less wrong for snooping than I thought you were! It was EXPLICITLY and TOGETHERLY (i left my ivy-league vocabulary at work for the weekend) decided when you revisited this to keep that rule/boundary? Well, I think what we have here is a case of "Do as I say, not as I do"?. YOU are the "child" in this relationship, it seems.

Now before I get all judgmental and shit, you should tell your husband what happened and get him over here to give us all his side of the story. As far as i'm concerned, you have the moral high-ground according to the information that is available to me.

I better stop because when I get going like this, I can really make people mad.
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  #42  
Old 06-10-2011, 11:08 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Now before I get all judgmental and shit, you should tell your husband what happened and get him over here to give us all his side of the story.
My sense is that he'll probably think doing that would make too big a deal out of what happened.

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I better stop because when I get going like this, I can really make people mad.
But that's what we love about you!
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Last edited by nycindie; 06-10-2011 at 11:12 PM.
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  #43  
Old 06-10-2011, 11:24 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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But that's what we love about you!
...say all the people I haven't done it to yet, LOL
(you do realize that I judge myself much more than I do it to other people, so it's OK)
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  #44  
Old 06-10-2011, 11:52 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Whoa whoa whoa that makes you even less wrong for snooping....
Nope. Nothing can make her less wrong for snooping. Not a damn thing.

For me, that's an instant game ender.
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  #45  
Old 06-10-2011, 11:55 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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For me, that's an instant game ender.
I think what they need here is to stop playing games altogether.

The snooping is merely a symptom of something else that's wrong.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 06-10-2011 at 11:58 PM.
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  #46  
Old 06-11-2011, 03:09 AM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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There are several issues to be addressed here, all of which seem to stem from lack of trust and communication.

If you had rock-solid confidence that your partner was respecting your boundaries, you would not have felt the impulse to snoop.

If he had rock-solid confidence that he could trust you with his most private "stuff" he would not need to protect his privacy.

If your trust in your relationship was stronger, you would have already talked all this out with him, and all the issues would likely already be resolved, or at least well on the way.

I can't offer any real advice on your situation. I can tell you how it is with me in my primary relationship, though. When it comes to my Fidelio, I am transparent as sunshine. Nothing withheld, even when it's uncomfortable. There is no part of my life he is not welcome in. ( There are, however, many parts of my life he has no interest in.) He values this special privilege and place in my life, and as a result deeply respects and staunchly protects my privacy. Similarly, he is more transparent with me than anyone else in his lifetime, and I respect and protect his privacy. (He is a combat veteran, retired USMC, and there are aspects of his military service he does not discuss. I can respect that.) So the snooping issue would be a complete non-starter for us.

Good luck to you all, however you choose to deal with these challenges.
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  #47  
Old 06-12-2011, 10:18 PM
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Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
I think what they need here is to stop playing games altogether.

The snooping is merely a symptom of something else that's wrong.
agreed. Seems like there is some hypocritisism going on here on his part. Maybe you should let him know OP that you think that boundary is done and that you are not willing to agree to it any more because you don't think either of you could follow it.
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  #48  
Old 06-13-2011, 06:31 AM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Sour Girl and I think exactly alike. It's eerie.
Weeehehehe. Boogedy !
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