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  #11  
Old 06-08-2011, 12:26 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by transitapparent View Post
It is possible that I was trying to control what was happening between my wife and her new BF. I am starting to realize, especially be reading alot of the posts on here, that I can't do that. it puts a strain on her and on our marriage itself. I just need to let them do their thing.

my biggest problem still is that she is very reluctant to try and set boundaries.
Maybe because you came across as controlling before she is reluctant to get into boundary setting because she thinks you want to set rules instead. Rules have their place, but are hard and fast and a huge long list of them can be unpleasant and daunting... maybe you could start by asking her how she feels about your requests for certain things in order to get about negotiating rather than enforcing.
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  #12  
Old 06-08-2011, 07:36 AM
transitapparent transitapparent is offline
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hmmmmmm you dazzle me with your common sense . I'll give that a shot. I'm just counting down the days until I get back home. I hate negotiating over skype and facebook.
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  #13  
Old 06-11-2011, 11:27 PM
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. . . after 8 years, I was no longer everything she needed. all of a sudden she needed more and I didn't know why.
Truthfully, you never were all she needed. No one person can fulfill every need of another.

Just re-read your thread and had to say that. We do ourselves such a disservice when we believe that we can give someone else everything they need. Human beings grow and change naturally, what a disaster it would be to try and twist ourselves into the be-all and end-all in someone's life. And a disaster when they become dependent and expect that from us.
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  #14  
Old 06-11-2011, 11:47 PM
transitapparent transitapparent is offline
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I'm starting to understand that. I know that we have both changed since we first met. it's just hard to come to terms with sometimes. lucky for me, I'm not the only one who struggles with it. I thought I was until I found this website.
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