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Old 06-10-2011, 02:32 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 497
Default Dealing with NRE long distance

Hey all! So I'm looking for some ideas on how to deal with your SO's NRE when you're 3,000 miles apart.

Basically, hubs has a new girlfriend, and it's moved really fast (faster than either of them thought) into something more serious, or at least not just a sexual relationship. Where it goes is still up in the air, but it's definitely in the NRE stage of emails, texts calls, wanting to hang out all of the time. The time frame has been quick, they talked and realized a connection 6 weeks ago, and have been dating for almost a month now.

So I've been doing a lot of mental and emotional work for the past month, working through my feelings and thoughts when they're together, etc. It's all good work, but it takes a lot out of me sometimes and when hubs mentioned wanting to go out with her this weekend to do some shopping, etc, I realized I just needed one weekend off, to be out of my head, so I can actually relax and not be having to think and feel so much. He agreed, wasn't too happy about it at first (he said it was like his mom took away his puppy, LOL), but realized how fast they'd been going and understood.

I found some articles on NRE and emailed them to him as he has done "some" reading on poly things, but not nearly as much as I have (I'm the google queen of research, so I'm usually the one with all the info), and talked about how I understood he was all excited about the relationship and it was all new, but that he had to realize that he couldn't have his way ALL of the time and I have to make sure I'm emotionally healthy and don't get run over in their excitement over the new shiny.

I think the articles helped a little for him to see this was common, but one thing he mentioned and that I saw was that the only real help for the OLD partner in dealing with this is to make sure they're getting time and attention and feeling cared for. Which is REALLY hard to do when you're 3,000 miles apart. I am feeling like she's getting everything I'm not (and am missing terribly) because right now she IS getting everything I'm not physically (and physical touch is super important to me so that's been hard enough without a new person in the mix). We do talk, but it's just not enough to make up for the physical side we can't have right now.

I'm going out there over the July 4th holiday, so in 2-1/2 weeks which will help I'm SURE, but I am trying to come up with some things for him and I to do to help me feel loved, help me feel not left out and that we can do even separated by all of the miles.
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