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Old 06-07-2011, 12:01 PM
aramis aramis is offline
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Location: the Hill Country, Texas
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Default Aramis & Cleo

I will call myself Aramis, here, because like Aramis I am torn between two lives. Aramis was torn between the life of the sword and the life of the cloth. I am torn between the life with my mono wife Cleo and kids and the life I could have, with the three wives that I let get away.

I shall call her Cleo, for Cleopatra, queen of de Nial.

Cleo is bisexual, pagan, member of the Unitarian Universalist church, and I am the one who is poly.

The pagan group she hangs out with is largely lesbian/bisexual women and within the last couple of months she has decided that "the universe is telling her" to come out as bisexual to certain members of that group. Of course they are accepting and supportive.

I don't think the universe talks to peope, certainly not to my wife, but I believe that people need spirituality in order to feel right about what their subconscious mind is doing. (She is Pagan. I am Scientist.) I am willing to stipulate that the universe speaks to her, so that she can do what she feels like she needs to do.

So, in the interest of honesty and of appeasing the universe/ my subconscious, I came out to her as polyamorous. She did not take it well. She thought that it was an excuse for me to fuck whomever I wanted (an excuse which I don't need) but I assured her that, just as she has likely not been with any women, I had not been with anyone else. I've had flirtations and close friends but have not crossed that line.

Since the second son was born, she has withdrawn from me sexually. I am very high need and she is no longer. She has told me she could go years without sex, and I think she primarily does it to keep me around.

She has major anger issues, and I am often afraid of leaving her, because as the woman she would get primary or shared custody of the children, and I think I should be around on a daily basis, to emotionally protect the children.

I am a musician, and even before I came out, it stretched her trust to "let me" me be out at night. Now that the music has picked up again, there is conflict.

I recently joined the poly-austin Yahoo group, and have been to one event. I am looking for a way to tell her this without it becoming another argument.

As with many complicated relationships, there is so much more. I'll add to this later as my children will be awake soon, and little annoys Cleo more than not being able to sleep until 9 am.
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Old 06-10-2011, 01:38 PM
aramis aramis is offline
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Default

I went to a poly meetup last night. It was folks sitting at an outside cafe, a couple of dozen, talking, laughing, sharing, holding hands, and I talked and told jokes etc. But coming home to what has become a roommate, and being alone is devastating after watching couples and trebles being affectionate towards each other.

I don't know how much longer I can do this.
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