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Old 06-08-2011, 02:13 AM
Tinyblu Tinyblu is offline
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Default What I Like about Poly

so being so new to this makes it a little too easy to highlight the challenges, but I wanted to take some time to focus on the good things about the lifestyle and get some positive energy going. So... here's what I like about polyamory:

1) TOTAL Honesty - This is the first time I have been able to say that I trust my SO because there are no secrets. Long gone are the days of me wondering where he is or what (or who) he's doing, because he tells me. He is more available to me in another state than ANY man that I have dated that lived close to me. Seriously, I dated a guy that lived 10 minutes from me and he would get miraculously missing. I don't have that type of insecure drama in this relationship

2) FREEDOM - In SO many areas. Freedom to have an open mind, not be judged... freedom from guilt. I can go have coffee, dinner, or catch a movie with another man and not feel like I am cheating. I don't feel like my life revolves around this man and that I have to monitor my every move. I don't feel "owned" or "trapped"

3) RESPECT - Enough said. The fact that the success of this relationship is built on honesty and communication means that mutual respect is essential. I don't feel like an object. Rather, I am respected for the other qualities I bring into the relationship other than sex.

4) Prospect of loving more than one - this can go so many ways. I am not gaining ONE lover or friend or SO, but could potentially connect to the other people in his life and generate additional, strong relationships

I'm sure there will be more as time goes on (I haven't fully wrapped myself around number 4 yet, but I know it's coming). All I know is that even though transistioning from mono to poly comes with challenges, it seems to make sense to me especially in this "mono" delusion where I see SO many people that are unhappy and sticking around out of obligation.

The one thing I know is that my SO is with me because he WANTS to be. Neither of us has the pressure of being each other's everything. Rather, we have the freedom to have our needs fulfilled and with multiple people if needed, and that's OK.

Yes, it's new, but the prospects of growing as a poly excite me, and I know that as time goes on, I will become more comfortable with the changes and challenges that come along with such an intriguing lifestyle.

Nothing extraordinary comes easily and I'm up to the challenge.

OK... enough warm and fuzzies!!!
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Old 06-08-2011, 03:48 AM
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JnR JnR is offline
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I don't really have anything to add to this, but just wanted to comment and say... Nice job! My husband and I have grown closer through our own experiences and I wouldn't change a thing. It's so easy to share everything together since we are open and can basically talk about anything...
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Old 06-08-2011, 09:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinyblu View Post
4) Prospect of loving more than one - this can go so many ways. I am not gaining ONE lover or friend or SO, but could potentially connect to the other people in his life and generate additional, strong relationships

I'm sure there will be more as time goes on (I haven't fully wrapped myself around number 4 yet, but I know it's coming).
Although I think this list is great, this (emphasis added) put me off a little. You don't have to only partner up with other people in HIS life, instead of looking out for connections of your own?
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Old 06-08-2011, 03:39 PM
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^No, I think what was meant was "not only am I finding new people to connect with, but once I get to know those he's involved with, I've got even more great people in my life".
At least that's how I read it.
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Old 06-08-2011, 03:55 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinyblu View Post
the lifestyle
*cough* its not one *cough*...

Quote:
1) TOTAL Honesty - This is the first time I have been able to say that I trust my SO because there are no secrets. Long gone are the days of me wondering where he is or what (or who) he's doing, because he tells me. He is more available to me in another state than ANY man that I have dated that lived close to me. Seriously, I dated a guy that lived 10 minutes from me and he would get miraculously missing. I don't have that type of insecure drama in this relationship

2) FREEDOM - In SO many areas. Freedom to have an open mind, not be judged... freedom from guilt. I can go have coffee, dinner, or catch a movie with another man and not feel like I am cheating. I don't feel like my life revolves around this man and that I have to monitor my every move. I don't feel "owned" or "trapped"

3) RESPECT - Enough said. The fact that the success of this relationship is built on honesty and communication means that mutual respect is essential. I don't feel like an object. Rather, I am respected for the other qualities I bring into the relationship other than sex.

4) Prospect of loving more than one - this can go so many ways. I am not gaining ONE lover or friend or SO, but could potentially connect to the other people in his life and generate additional, strong relationships
Good list, there are potentially more.

Quote:
I'm sure there will be more as time goes on (I haven't fully wrapped myself around number 4 yet, but I know it's coming). All I know is that even though transistioning from mono to poly comes with challenges, it seems to make sense to me especially in this "mono" delusion where I see SO many people that are unhappy and sticking around out of obligation.
Keeping in mind, that this happens in poly too. Poor relationships happen in poly and people who suck at relationships will suck at poly relationships. Lots of people put up with lots of crap in the name of love... this isn't a monogamous affliction.

Poly is not better than mono.. its just different. My parents were together 20ish years until my dad died. They loved each other deeply and had the ups and downs of relationships. They were happily mono and married. HAving lived through the 60's and having family that were into free love. They were exposed to that life as a potential.

Quote:
Nothing extraordinary comes easily and I'm up to the challenge.

OK... enough warm and fuzzies!!!
Great list, great idea. Warm and fuzzies are always good. Poly has a lot of positives to it. There could be more depending on the familial structure

5) multi family support structure during duress
6) As expansion to number 4.. the ability to truly ride out the relationship potential. Not everyone is going to be a lover. But meeting people and having that freedom to connect on a deeper level can be a great thing. In some monogamous relationship this type of freedom is locked down
7) Love.. ya baby.. just love. You can love more, be loved by more and all that jazz. Pure unadulterated hippy love.
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Old 06-08-2011, 11:47 PM
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I added the tags of "lessons" and "foundations" to your thread because there have been others before you. You might want to do a tag search and see what others have to say. There are two really complete threads that are very full of information and ideas.
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