Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-07-2011, 03:18 PM
JenAgain JenAgain is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 89

Originally Posted by Beodude123 View Post
I'm still having a hard time with Jen's desire for extra sex. I'm still on with it, since I think I just need to let go.... But I have a hard time signing onto something like that, when I feel unsatisfied (quantity wise) at times. I know Jen said it would make her hornier, so I guess I'll just wait and see for that. I know it's not quantity or quality for her, so what is it?
For the record, my desire is not for extra sex, though it comes with the territory. I know I could have my fill from you whenever the need arises, so it's not that I need MORE. It's the freedom of being able to, if I feel the connection, that gets my "juices flowing" so to speak. That you are understanding and accepting of my desire to have different people that I care about in my life and to spend time with them, be it platonically.. or intimately.

Originally Posted by Beodude123 View Post
So something I've been seeing on here, is the ownership of feelings. I understand the sentiment, and agree with it to a point. To me though, it seems to get tossed around here as a "get out of jail free" card. I don't care what you say, your actions have consequences. Saying that you were trying to be nice as possible when you broke boundaries or something like that, but your feelings aren't my fault. Come on, give me a break. Pretty sure I'm going to get bashed for this, but whatever. It's how I feel.
I don't think they are saying that it's okay to break boundaries and use the "ownership of feelings" card. I think it's more like saying...we are trying to come to an agreement, and while our differences may not always be easy on the other person, as long as it's done with as much care possible.. if it hurts you (like me bringing up Poly did when I hadn't even been acting on it) there is only so much I can be responsible for. If you tell me it's okay to go see S and I take you up on the offer, then I shouldn't feel guilty or be concerned about hurting your feelings because anything after you said "why don't you go see S" is in your control.

Originally Posted by Beodude123 View Post
On that note though, I can only say super good things about Jen. She's been incredibly supportive, understanding, and for once in her life, patient. I think she's done an awesome job of balancing ownership, with support and everything. Love you babe!
Snort!!!! Love you too
Reply With Quote
Old 06-07-2011, 05:20 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,074

Yeah, I didnt mean to imply we can let our lovers run roughshod all over us, just because we own our feelings. Of course, we should be sensitive and caring to our loved ones.

We can say, "When you do X, I feel Y." You can then also express a wish for something different.

Let me think of poly examples from my own life, and others' experiences.

"When you take her out to a bookstore and read her romantic poems, I feel jealous. We don't do things like that in our relationship enough anymore. I wish we did."

"When you have sex with your lover and don't seem to desire me when we are together, I feel pushed aside. I wish our sex life was more frequent."

"When you and your lover had sex in the next room, I felt like I was going crazy. I need to know you still value me and find me attractive."

"When you went out for an evening date with your bf, and didnt come home til the next day, and didnt let me know you'd be out overnight, I was worried sick. We need to discuss this boundary."
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 61) loving Pixie (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
"Master," (mono, M, 36), Pixie's Dom for 3+ years
Reply With Quote
Old 06-07-2011, 10:23 PM
Beodude123 Beodude123 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 69

I understand the context in which it was used a couple posts up, and I pretty much agree with it. After all, if I say "hey it's cool for you to go", she shouldn't feel guilty or anything.
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 09:16 PM.