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  #971  
Old 06-07-2011, 05:20 PM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post

Frankly, there is a lot more to life than poly and I am content to be settled in and doing other things. Does that make me less poly? I dunno... I wonder.

*****
If its enough, its enough and rather than continuing to clamor for more that I can't fit in anyway, then it makes me think that poly isn't for me... I guess because those I see around me are clamoring it seems and are poly... ? Poly seems to be a lot about clamoring... clamoring to understand, be accepted, to find others, etc....

I don't clamor to "get" anything right now, so it makes me feel un-poly. I feel accepted, understood, have found others.... its all good. In a sense, poly in the clamoring sense of it, is not for me.

I totally get why when a tribe settles in they disappear off the radar. It becomes so unimportant that I identify as poly and so much more important that I just get about the business of living that I become uninterested in paying attention to my community.
My sentiments exactly. I don`t clamour, or handle things the way many seem to. Others trying to force-feed me their brand of life, had me bitter.
My compassion had come to a stand-still.
Pulling myself away, and back,... I am finding my compassionate side again. That is important to me. I much prefer being my well-rounded self.

I don`t know what to tell you about the 'poly' label. For me, it is a label I have come to currently reject.
People will tell you, that you are 'poly' based on what they SEE, and those physical actions upholding their own beliefs.


However, I think it`s something you have to feel akin to deep inside. What does poly mean to you ? What is the unshakable truth that lies in you ?

I think it is ok to NOT identify as anything. If you feel your relationships are as a normal family, and possibly resent the 'zoo' like peering through, from others, it makes sense to need a break from that. (This thought is hard to put to words, please forgive.) The very basic truth is you are a family. you love, you live, you have ups and downs. being cast as different can get old. Maybe you are feeling that ? There is nothing wrong with dropping a label. Especially if it makes you feel you have to 'uphold' some greater good for others.

All rambling aside,..sometimes we just need to look after ourselves, and our loves. Live life without over-thinking it. Fuck the rest for awhile.

Last edited by SourGirl; 06-07-2011 at 05:22 PM.
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  #972  
Old 06-07-2011, 05:34 PM
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I have been thinking a lot about being a dominant woman lately and have done some research on what others think that is.. I don't fit the criteria. It's given me a bit of an identity crisis of sorts.

In my relationships I find that I am looked toward to take the lead. I am no leader in terms of being the boss and assuming that I have the right to determine what my loves and others do. I tried that with my ex-wife and she and I became so co-dependent that it ended. I was running two lives be the end. This seems to be what some think of when they think of dominance however.

Leadership is not co-dependence. I must exist outside of being a leader to be a leader... To me leadership is about being fearless in walking my own path; knowing that others are behind me and using my fearlessness to treed a similar path. That isn't dominance to me.

Dominance to me comes from a place of being more comfortable care-taking, mothering, counseling, giving instruction, as much as disciplining lovingly, giving orders and not tolerating the instruction of others. It doesn't make me bitchy, uncaring, inconsiderate and bossy... although I have my moments but that is just whining when I am not getting my way.

I am all for being asked, or having suggestions, but it has to come from a personal place from that person in order for me to see the difference. Simply being told that I have to do this or I should do this, because someone is doing something else, is not going to work for me. My manager has figured this out where I am concerned... when she conjures up my empathy with "RP, I am really running short on time, please do this for me?" I do it immediately, when she has said in the past, "RP, do this please." I turn beat red and resist. She is a dominant woman also in an outward respect... I think her own empathy with me has helped....

So it gets complicated when I don't let go and submit. I submit to myself and nature really. The two really should come together at some point so that I can let go... how does one deal with abandonment issues and can't be alone, when they know they will submit if they are alone. Man I'm fucked up.

Sorry, this is so not poly related at this point. But as I said in previous posts.... I'm just living my life right now. To hell with poly and its theory and philosophy... This is what it is to live it. Funny, its not much different than any other relationship dynamic.

back to staring out the window.
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  #973  
Old 06-07-2011, 05:38 PM
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There's a storm blowing in, I wonder if you can find a window near the water to watch it. (A literal storm by the way...)
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  #974  
Old 06-07-2011, 05:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
My sentiments exactly. I don`t clamour, or handle things the way many seem to. Others trying to force-feed me their brand of life, had me bitter.
My compassion had come to a stand-still.
Pulling myself away, and back,... I am finding my compassionate side again. That is important to me. I much prefer being my well-rounded self.

I don`t know what to tell you about the 'poly' label. For me, it is a label I have come to currently reject.
People will tell you, that you are 'poly' based on what they SEE, and those physical actions upholding their own beliefs.


However, I think it`s something you have to feel akin to deep inside. What does poly mean to you ? What is the unshakable truth that lies in you ?

I think it is ok to NOT identify as anything. If you feel your relationships are as a normal family, and possibly resent the 'zoo' like peering through, from others, it makes sense to need a break from that. (This thought is hard to put to words, please forgive.) The very basic truth is you are a family. you love, you live, you have ups and downs. being cast as different can get old. Maybe you are feeling that ? There is nothing wrong with dropping a label. Especially if it makes you feel you have to 'uphold' some greater good for others.

All rambling aside,..sometimes we just need to look after ourselves, and our loves. Live life without over-thinking it. Fuck the rest for awhile.
Thanks Sourgirl, I highlighted what resonated the most... It is largely what people see and I recent that right now. As much as I love newbies, or at least newer than me, I recent the controlling of what I feel and think my poly is. I also recent the patting of each others back when everyone uses the right words and comes to the same place. I realize that everyone is figuring it out for themselves and is in a different place than me, but it drives me crazy when they put their shit on others... not that I don't do that also sometimes

yes, it is all so hard to explain... thanks for listening and responding, much appreciated.
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  #975  
Old 06-07-2011, 05:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
There's a storm blowing in, I wonder if you can find a window near the water to watch it. (A literal storm by the way...)
yes I see that. The storm is in metaphorically, I await it blowing out at this point. Bed seems like a good idea. Taking a sick day was the best choice ever!
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  #976  
Old 06-07-2011, 05:42 PM
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Whoever wrote that is just plain wrong. One of my lovers, Harry, is an amaaaazing dom, just great at getting into your head and giving you almost-but-not-quite more than you can take, very commanding and nefarious and sexily cruel. And when he's not in that role he's just the nicest guy you could imagine, very helpful and considerate. He's Canadian, for goshsakes!

Being a dom has nothing to do with being a bitch/asshole. In fact, I think to be a really good dom you have to be extra-sensitive to other people's needs and feelings... that way, you know just how to manipulate and torture them WHEN YOU'RE SCENING... and it helps you be a better friend and partner in other ways the rest of the time.
Thanks for this. I am a good dom by your standard then

This made me feel better.
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  #977  
Old 06-07-2011, 05:43 PM
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Derby, I love how you say things. You always seem to say things in a way I understand. thank you for being you.
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  #978  
Old 06-07-2011, 05:49 PM
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
RP, why precisely would you give a shit what other people think a Dominant woman is?
I don't, I just figure I should always be questioning myself and what descriptive words I use. It occurred to me that I really hadn't thought what the term means, just what I think it doesn't mean.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I'm not GG's Dom because I "act like it". I'm his Dom, because it's always been that way NATURALLY for us and it fits, something in him naturally submits to something in me that naturally steps up to take charge. Key word-take charge, not "control".
Yes, this ten times over, although if I run across people who don't fit this with me, it doesn't work in terms of any deep meaningful relationship. Sad huh? At least I find it sad. I don't trust enough to submit to anyone.
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  #979  
Old 06-07-2011, 05:52 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I got the sense from RP's post about that book that it wasn't written about D/s but about dominance as a personality trait. I thought that maybe she was taking what it said and looking at it through the context of her experience in BDSM - but maybe I'm wrong. Hey, RP, what book was it, btw? Maybe someone else here has read it and can offer another opinion of the stance it takes.
It was about personality traits... I shouldn't of started there. It really threw me for a loop. Although it lead me to think why there is a difference between personality traits and BDSM relationships and kink... I thought they would be similar... interesting.

It wasn't a book... it was some links on line that I don't have anymore. I got Mono to read it. He thought it was personality related also.
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  #980  
Old 06-07-2011, 08:49 PM
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Man, this pondering is going to take awhile...

all good, I needed today.

Forget that, it will take my life time
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Last edited by redpepper; 06-07-2011 at 09:23 PM.
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