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Old 06-03-2011, 02:33 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by muse4 View Post
So it was jaring to see his post. If that is what he wants, it seems he has a responsibility to tell me that he is seeking/having casual sex otherwise I don't really know what I'm agreeing to. (especially if he did set up the start of the relationship that he wouldn't be having sex with anybody he wasn't involved with.)

So it's good that it came out/got discovered when it did. Because as TruckerPete mentions - safety is what it really comes down to and THAT needs to be discussed fully.

One of the hard things - at least for me conceptually - is that when someone is declaring poly it almost goes without saying that there will be the "potential" for what's referred to as 'casual sex'. Because for a true poly - many at least - there may be no such thing (casual). Every sexual event has the POTENTIAL for more. There may be some gender imbalance here also. I think as a rule, men tend to weight the sexual part of a relationship heavier and therefore determining the sexual compatibility early on becomes more of a priority.
This in-depth type of discussion rarely happens - especially in the very early parts of a relationship. There's SO many other things to discuss !
So I think early conversations that can focus on what is safe and acceptable behavior can be the lead-in to some of these deeper and more exposing discussions. Seems that's whre you are now..........

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dishonesty, double standards

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