Polyamory's Image Problem

[Ready2Fly]

A film would be great! We need more of those.

I guess I don't really know what my point is, except that I saw this image in a photography exhibition and was shocked. "Is that what they think of us? We have no hope then." I agree there's also the "hippy free love" reaction, but I don't get that a lot since I look pretty conservative and wear a tie. I don't get called a pimp either, but my beloved does get labeled a slut and a ho when people find out (happened recently when she was seen out at dinner kissing someone else).

I think there needs to be a way to communicate that it's possible to be loving of many people without being exploiting. Obviously, I am not that great communicator, but hey, we all have our (non)talents.

[River]

I'd love to see a film made by a sympathetic ear and voice!

[Hopeful]

Warning: Academic Feminist theory incoming. Proceed with caution.

I don't know that I agree that the two examples OP uses are the only public perceptions, or even the most common ones. But I think it's definitely true that the public perception of poly bears little relationship to my own experiences, limited though they be. What I find really interesting about both examples, though, is that they portray very patriarchal relationship structures.

In both cases, there is one man and multiple women, and in both cases the man is seen as the center of power, whether socio-religious or economic. It is certainly worthing noticing, I think, that the two examples that at least one person (and therefore possibly a group of people) clearly feels are representative of public perceptions of poly are very phallo-centric.

I have also seen and heard a lot of speculation about poly culture that includes the idea of swinging and free love, both of which at least in theory seem to equate women with men where sexual agency is concerned. And equality is wonderful, so I have fewer reservations about those depictions. My husband and I don't consider ourselves swingers, but we have been called hippies on more than one occasion, and I guess there's a reason for that.

What I have yet to see in mainstream culture is a scenario where a woman may desire to be the power center in a system containing more than one male partner, without that woman being depicted as a "nymphomaniac" and therefore not truly in control of her sexuality at all. Kind of a "fem-pimp," if that makes sense. It's not that I'm advocating this kind of portrayal, just that it's interesting that it seems not to exist.

Anyway, I'll get down off my soapbox and also add that I would LOVE to see a film made about poly by a person who actually identifies as poly, as opposed to people from outside making stuff that really just perpetuates stereotypes...I'm looking at you, MTV.

[Ariakas]

Sorry, for all you folks that want to see a poly movie done a certain way.. how exactly. How does that look.

Here is the problem, we are all very different. Some of you can do poly without sex. Actually I would hazard a guess its the majority that I have seen. I can't. I don't identify with the cuddle party loving everyone that walks poly group.

Any.. and every poly movie that would be made would be exclusionary to someone in poly. Unless the only identifying feature is ethically loving more than one person.

Past that, swinging bonobo monkies who bang 50 people and love 3.. ARE STILL POLY...

Thats the kicker folks.. there was a poly documentary made a while back. One from seattle and I think even one from england.

I couldn't identify with anything in their poly worlds beyond the loving more than one. KISS.. the poly part is easy, its everything around it thats the work.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by Ariakas

Sorry, for all you folks that want to see a poly movie done a certain way.. how exactly. How does that look.

And how do you make it interesting enough for people to want to watch it? Yeah, those of us on here probably would but are we making it for just people outside of monogamy?

Usually movies have some tragic conflict that twists our emotions and makes us cheer for a hero or cry for some broken heart. What would be the plot that would carry the relationship message? Maybe a poly family losing a child to the courts or family and thier triumph over that. (Sunday "made for tv" movie stuff there folks).

How do you reach a large audience without pandering to the mainstream demands of movie goers...conflict, fighting, sex, and heroic success or defeat?

OK....I'm just rambling

[Alan7388]

...is a great start on what such a movie might look like! Very professionally done -- she's a real filmmaker, and she used professional (volunteer) actors. You can watch all 21 episodes (5-10 minutes each) here:

http://www.3dogpictures.com/FamilyEpisodes.html

Scroll to the bottom to start with Episode #1.

Cheers,

Alan M.

[nycindie]

I have watched that web series. It's cute and the acting is okay.

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

And how do you make it interesting enough for people to want to watch it?

Ah, yes, the question that every screenwriter struggles with.

Mono, as to how to tell the story, you are right about needing conflict. Without conflict, there is no drama. For narrative fiction, there are certain basics for writing a screenplay that have stood the test of time (or at least since motion pictures began). Basically, it's the hero's journey. The protagonist (main character) has a quest or goal to accomplish, and just before we think he or she will attain it, there's a turn-around (plot point) that takes the protag very far away from that goal, and they have to fight all kinds of obstacles in order to get there. One teacher I had said that if the protag learns a lesson, it is a comedy (in the original sense, not the opposite of drama but just that there's a "happy ending"); if the protag does not learn a lesson on the journey, it's a tragedy.

Any number of genres could be made to fit a poly relationship as the happy ending; correspondingly, a tragedy could have the protag choosing to walk away from a happy poly situation and live with the societal norm.

Lotsa ways to do it.

I actually think a documentary feature would be a great way to reveal several types of poly situations, and better than writing a narrative fiction script, but docs are not usually the box office hits that narratives are (unless you're Michael Moore), and they are harder to fund.


Ari, there's a more recent documentary on one poly family that played at a theater in NYC last month. I did not go, but I saw it on IFC when it first came out. The filmmaker spent six years with a triad of one woman and two bi men. Here's the trailer: Three of Hearts: A Postmodern Family. The DVD is $10 on that popular online bookseller.

[Ariakas]

Originally Posted by nycindie

I have watched that web series. It's cute and the acting is okay.

Actually I had forgotten that one. There is also a west coast documentary style series that came out. Had a bunch of potential poly peeps on it

So I guess that makes 3 I can think of.

[MorningTwilight]

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit

Interesting question R2F !

The media of course controls this and WHO controls the media ?

Right now primarily the right wing, conservative camp.

Um ... wow.

Suffice it to say that I see it exactly opposite from you.

MT

[Fobwatch]

Originally Posted by MorningTwilight

Um ... wow.

Suffice it to say that I see it exactly opposite from you.

MT

I am inclined to agree. Who controls the media varies wildely from country to country. In britain the BBC is dominant and has quite liberal matter of fact tendencies.

Suffice to say even with more conservative groups present Fox News doesnt exist here.