Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #161  
Old 06-01-2011, 02:00 PM
Derbylicious's Avatar
Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603
Default

I asked last night if he minded that she hadn't shown up and he says that he doesn't. I don't get it. If everyone but me is happy with the situation I should just leave it alone. I hate that in my mind I'm already reluctant to help her out if the time comes when she needs help. Things like this shouldn't be tit for tat.

I guess this is one of the things about poly, we find partners who are suited to us. I was comparing my husband's gf to RP and Mono and my best friend. The thing is that his gf doesn't have to meet my standards. The people who are important to me in my life are there for me in the way I need them. If it isn't bothering him and he is having his needs met it's not for me to judge. I just wish that he would talk to me more about being content with the way things are (or not if he isn't) so that I don't have to guess.
__________________
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
Reply With Quote
  #162  
Old 06-01-2011, 02:47 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,205
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
I just wish that he would talk to me more about being content with the way things are (or not if he isn't) so that I don't have to guess.
I can understand your wanting him to let you know, but since it was a non-issue for him, it probably never occurred to him to even bring it up. You've said yourself here in your blog that you don't "post enough when things are going well." Maybe he's kind of the same way.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
Reply With Quote
  #163  
Old 06-01-2011, 03:52 PM
Morningglory629's Avatar
Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 727
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I can understand your wanting him to let you know, but since it was a non-issue for him, it probably never occurred to him to even bring it up. You've said yourself here in your blog that you don't "post enough when things are going well." Maybe he's kind of the same way.
Yep! You are such a sweetie! I guess it is just natural to want to project our own ideals of what is appropriate. Don't worry so much. He is a happy camper...well sort of, as happy as one can be with a busted ankle!
Reply With Quote
  #164  
Old 06-01-2011, 03:54 PM
Derbylicious's Avatar
Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Morningglory629 View Post
Yep! You are such a sweetie! I guess it is just natural to want to project our own ideals of what is appropriate. Don't worry so much. He is a happy camper...well sort of, as happy as one can be with a busted ankle!
He's all loopy on T3's I think he's pretty happy (I am kidding, the loopy was from the morphine in hospital, he's acting quite normally now)
__________________
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
Reply With Quote
  #165  
Old 06-01-2011, 03:58 PM
Morningglory629's Avatar
Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 727
Default

Hahahahahahaha on the loopiness! Bunches of nurses in my family, so I totally get your "do and be there" kind of personality. I love it! So best of luck on the road to recovery for both you and II. Oh and the kiddoes!
Reply With Quote
  #166  
Old 06-01-2011, 10:14 PM
Derbylicious's Avatar
Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603
Default

I was looking at my avatar today and with some of the reading around BDSM that I've been doing she looks like quite the little submissive derby girl. I'm not sure where I'm going with this thought yet, it was just an observation.
__________________
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
Reply With Quote
  #167  
Old 06-01-2011, 10:41 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,662
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
I hate that in my mind I'm already reluctant to help her out if the time comes when she needs help. Things like this shouldn't be tit for tat.
Does her actions not set a president? I would assume she is good with what she has and doesn't need your help. Its not up to you to keep tabs on what her needs are anyway. If hubby wants to help when the time comes then that's his choice no?

The way I look at it is in terms of what I can do to help my partner. If I see some way that would help them, or if they make a request I can help out with I do. Often it means helping my metamour and that is an added bonus. Maybe if she isn't interested in helping you out or paying any attention to your partners accident then you could think about how to support HIM if it comes up that she needs help.

The other thing is that perhaps they are not as invested in each other as you and I are or me and Mono or me and PN. People invest at different levels. They aren't the same as you in their love investment.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #168  
Old 06-13-2011, 12:35 AM
Derbylicious's Avatar
Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603
Default

Ariakas and Pengrah came over to visit this weekend. It was really nice having them here. We had a get together yesterday evening and I think everyone had a good time.

I'm completely exausted though. I worked Saturday this week on top of my usual Monday to Friday. We went to see RP's show (which I wouldn't have missed for the world) and didn't get to bed until 2! Then it was up again at 7 and off to work. Tonight I'm taking it easy with simple kid friendly food and a movie. Good thing week after next I'm taking a couple of extra days off!

There really isn't much to talk about on the poly front. I have a couple of fantastic partners and a couple of really great metamours as well. All in all I am a lucky lady . All this lucky lady needs now is a good long sleep.
__________________
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
Reply With Quote
  #169  
Old 06-16-2011, 09:46 PM
Derbylicious's Avatar
Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603
Default

What an emotionally exhausting day! I heard this morning that one of my client's passed away in the early hours of the morning. He was a good man and will be missed by many. I also had someone come in and tell me that her daughter had a tubal pregnancy and had surgery this morning. I'm glad that I get to be alone tonight. This work stuff is stuff I have to deal with by myself. I'm sad for my clients.

In brighter news I'm busy planning date nights, one tomorrow night with my dear husband. We need the time to talk to each other in a stress free type setting. What with him being broken and starting a new job I haven't exactly been pleasant and tolerant with him these past couple of weeks. It doesn't mean I love him any less he's just usually my outlet when things are bugging me so when it's stuff that has to do with him that's bugging me the outlet isn't exactly there. So the emotions build up and then the stress leaks out all over the place and I'm snippy and ill tempered.

RP and I are planning on a movie night sometime next week. We're going to see a very girly movie and I think it's going to be a blast. It will be nice to see her one on one for more than an hour.
__________________
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
Reply With Quote
  #170  
Old 06-16-2011, 10:11 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,662
Default

Oh goody! So glad my suggestion of a date night for you two is in action. I love when you take time together. My turn next weeks sweets! Its been way too many stressful weeks. *hugs and kisses*
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
metamours

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 09:48 PM.