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  #11  
Old 05-24-2011, 12:22 AM
orcasandowls orcasandowls is offline
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I think when people pull out the "it's abuse" card in situations like this, it's more about "morals" and thinking that the kids are exposed to sex, or group sex, and confusion about mother and father roles, etc., rather than food and clothing issues. It's like they assume that poly people just walk around naked all day and fuck like dogs at any moment.

There are members on this board who have dealt with issues like that. Do you all three live together?
We definitely aren't walking around naked and fucking like dogs at the drop of a hat. The kids see us being affectionate with each other, but it never goes beyond a quick peck when they're in the same room. As for confusion about who their parents are, I don't think they have any. They know who Mama and Dada are, and while they like me a whole lot, when they're unhappy or upset, it's Mama or Dada they cry out for, not Erin.

At the present moment, I have my own apartment, but I also have a room at C and D's house. My lease is up at the end of next month, at which point I'll be moving into their house full-time. C's parent's don't know about that yet, and I'm not looking forward to the moment when they find out.

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I personally think her husband should stand up for her and his family directly to her parents. Those that tend to get all hung up on "moral issues" also tend to be heavily male centered (man is the head of the household, etc). Speak with the attorney, then have him do any and all future communications with her family. If it were me, I wouldn't let them anywhere near the kids unsupervised, if at all (but that's just me).
It's funny, C's parents are actually pretty liberal. They also have a history of alienating their children, they refused to go to C's sister's wedding because she was marrying a Republican. D and C have agreed that if her parents want to talk again, he'll insist on being present. If her parents try to bring things up to her when he isn't around, she's agreed to just walk away from the conversation.

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You said you are in a triad as in all three of you are lovers or is it just you and C?
We're all lovers, I'm their mutual girlfriend. At this point, C thinks her parents may be under the impression that D and I are lovers and C is turning a blind eye to things. She's currently planning to write them a letter to clarify just what's going on here. I'm afraid that it might make things worse, but I understand her desire to clear up their misconceptions.

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Walk away from the parents, yes. As for the threat of abuse allegations, I'd also let them know I'd be responding by filing suit for defamation should they make false allegations. The best response to bullies is to let them know that you'll beat them down if they try to keep bullying.
We'll keep this in mind. Thank you.

Really, everyone, thanks for the support and help here. We know some other poly people, but no one we know has come up against a situation like this.
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  #12  
Old 05-24-2011, 12:31 AM
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Originally Posted by orcasandowls View Post
D and C have agreed that if her parents want to talk again, he'll insist on being present. If her parents try to bring things up to her when he isn't around, she's agreed to just walk away from the conversation.
Good move there.

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Originally Posted by orcasandowls View Post
It's funny, C's parents are actually pretty liberal. They also have a history of alienating their children, they refused to go to C's sister's wedding because she was marrying a Republican. . . . At this point, C thinks her parents may be under the impression that D and I are lovers and C is turning a blind eye to things. She's currently planning to write them a letter to clarify just what's going on here. I'm afraid that it might make things worse . . .
Gotta do some research! Find some liberal Democrats who are in poly relationships and hold them up as examples!
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  #13  
Old 05-24-2011, 12:43 AM
orcasandowls orcasandowls is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Gotta do some research! Find some liberal Democrats who are in poly relationships and hold them up as examples!
Hah, good idea. I'll see what I can come up with. At the very least it'll be some fun reading.
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  #14  
Old 05-24-2011, 02:58 AM
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Oh man! Do you have the same parents as me?!

Everything that has come about for me is in this thread. The continuation of which is in my blog, especially in recent months since last fall (2010).

Basically my parents accused Mono of having an interest in my son. When we told them his interest and attachment was with me, they didn't believe us and proceeded to make sure that my son was checked out in an act to confirm they were right. It was horrible and scary. There is a law here called the polygamy law that made us really worried that our boy might be taken away from us...

Have a read and at least know you are not alone. Others have gone through some stuff too and it can get better. I know it might not seem like that, but it is possible.

My suggestion, and what worked for me is to be patient, understanding of their position, wait and don't let them change your path because of their fear. The other really helpful thing to me was to vent elsewhere so that when I had to deal with them I had it out of my system...

Now we all get along swimmingly. My parents have said they don't understand, but they do accept and can see the benefits that have come into our lives... it was a long journey, but we made it and are doing just fine. I am still reticent to tell them about my life, but I think that is just how it will have to be....but, we are all good regardless. I hope you find yourself in the same position some day.
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  #15  
Old 05-24-2011, 03:07 AM
orcasandowls orcasandowls is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Oh man! Do you have the same parents as me?!

Everything that has come about for me is in this thread. The continuation of which is in my blog, especially in recent months since last fall (2010).

Basically my parents accused Mono of having an interest in my son. When we told them his interest and attachment was with me, they didn't believe us and proceeded to make sure that my son was checked out in an act to confirm they were right. It was horrible and scary. There is a law here called the polygamy law that made us really worried that our boy might be taken away from us...

Have a read and at least know you are not alone. Others have gone through some stuff too and it can get better. I know it might not seem like that, but it is possible.
I'm really glad to know that things have gotten better for someone else, and I hope that they can for us, too.

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My suggestion, and what worked for me is to be patient, understanding of their position, wait and don't let them change your path because of their fear. The other really helpful thing to me was to vent elsewhere so that when I had to deal with them I had it out of my system...
I don't think they're going to change our path, no matter what they might say.

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Now we all get along swimmingly. My parents have said they don't understand, but they do accept and can see the benefits that have come into our lives... it was a long journey, but we made it and are doing just fine. I am still reticent to tell them about my life, but I think that is just how it will have to be....but, we are all good regardless. I hope you find yourself in the same position some day.
I hope we find ourselves in a similar position one day, but I know it'll take time to get there. I'll read your thread and your blog, and pass them on to C - I know she'll be grateful. Thanks!

Last edited by orcasandowls; 05-24-2011 at 03:11 AM. Reason: Hit enter too soon. Had more to say. Sorry!
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  #16  
Old 05-24-2011, 05:21 PM
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Originally Posted by orcasandowls View Post
It's funny, C's parents are actually pretty liberal. They also have a history of alienating their children, they refused to go to C's sister's wedding because she was marrying a Republican.
I have noticed, that those at either extreme (liberal or conservative) tend to be the most intolerant of ANYTHING that differs from their own views. They may claim to be "liberal", but that only applies as long as you agree with them . My parents and my ILs stand to the far right and it's frustrating to try and keep my mouth shut as I hear them contradict themselvs or hear them venting about something and I just want to say "look in the mirror - you could be the poster child for ...". One of these day's I'm going to bite my toung off .

Good luck to you all and stand strong.
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  #17  
Old 05-24-2011, 05:31 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Basically my parents accused Mono of having an interest in my son. When we told them his interest and attachment was with me, they didn't believe us and proceeded to make sure that my son was checked out in an act to confirm they were right.
Had my mother done anything like that, I wouldn't be speaking to her ever again. There are boundaries from beyond which there is no return. I'd never be able to trust her with anything from then on.
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  #18  
Old 05-24-2011, 05:35 PM
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Had my mother done anything like that, I wouldn't be speaking to her ever again. There are boundaries from beyond which there is no return. I'd never be able to trust her with anything from then on.
From my perspective, her parents' reaction and assumptions made total sense. I would have thought the same thing if I was them. Ultimately it was no big deal to me. I knew the truth and hold no bad feelings at all.
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  #19  
Old 05-24-2011, 07:04 PM
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Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
Had my mother done anything like that, I wouldn't be speaking to her ever again. There are boundaries from beyond which there is no return. I'd never be able to trust her with anything from then on.
I felt like that too, but slowly came around to realizing that my son would lose his relationship with them. That wasn't fair. I told them that if they went on about it with him they would not see him again. Grandchildren are a huge bribbing tool I am finding. They realized that they were wrong through spending time with us and seeing how mono and LB were together. The doctor that checked him over helped too.
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