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Old 05-23-2011, 07:13 PM
CautiousLoops CautiousLoops is offline
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Join Date: May 2011
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Arrow New here....

Hey everyone. Im new here. Long story short, I dont believe in monogamy. I havent for some years but have always been in a committed monogamous relationship because thats what I was supposed to be doing right? My boyfriend and I have been together for five years, and Ive kept all my attractions and pullings to others to myself this entire time. I didnt want to be the selfish one, the one that wanted to perhaps date others, or sleep with others, or just make out with someone because it was new and exciting. I mean, that IS selfish right? Im not supposed to want someone else while Im madly in love with my boyfriend.


At this point its become more than I can bear to not want these things. I have some strong friendships, friendships I can see blooming into something amazing and connected. I bought a few books on the topic and approached my boyfriend about how I was feeling. Open and honest, thats what I want to be with him. He was very open to it which was very exciting. & then when I brought up the idea that I might go to see a movie with someone his entire demeanor changed. Then it became "I dont want to share you. Why do you want to do this? Am I not enough? Do you not love me?" It was so hard to explain to him how I'm feeling, especially because he doesn't feel that way apparently. but this is ME and this is how I am and Ive accepted that. We are trying to work through things and keep the discussion open but he is pretty much refusing to read any literature on it or talk to me about it in a manner that is mature.


I know this is something I want. I will not do this if my partner is not on board. But I also fear I cannot be happy in a relationship where monogamy is the key component. I guess you could say Im in a pretty big pickle at the moment. It's really been a confusing and life altering time for me because I truly feel I am finding myself but I might have to potentially leave this relationship because of my needs. Does this make any sense?

Anyway, thanks for listening. I'll be reading as many threads as I can....
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Old 05-24-2011, 12:37 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
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Welcome aboard.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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