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  #11  
Old 10-03-2009, 07:02 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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River said a lot of very very good things.
James-you have to love yourself. I'm a woman and you're gay-so no interest there, but I can tell you as a bi woman-that across the board, men and women are always attracted to people who believe in themselves.

You CAN be loved-and you CAN be happy and you probably are already a wonderful person.
Start doing a little soul searching and figure out what you need to make you love you the most.

And yes River is right-I prefer smaller sized men especially when we're doing anal sex, so it would make PERFECT sense to me that there are also men out there who prefer a smaller sized man as well!

We all have our little preferences, hell a "well endowed man" is destined to be turned away by me, not for me, not interested, so maybe you met one man who wasn't turned on by your size- OBVIOUSLY he wasn't the man for you!

The other thing I wanted to note-in all the men I've known-they ALL think that they are "a little smaller then average" and the truth is only 2 of them were! It's much less of an issue than it may seem to you right now.

I have huge breasts-I was always self conscious about it. Honestly-most people don't give a crap about it! I've never dated someone who wanted me for my boobs! They wanted me for ME.

Work on caring about the IMPORTANT things of yourself-not the "shallow" things like size in body mass or specified body parts.



Look in the mirror and make yourself a list of what is great about YOU. YOU are an individual worthy of love and affection!!!
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  #12  
Old 10-04-2009, 12:51 AM
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Thank you LR. I dont get many people that are nice about things and are non judgmental. It does make me feel alot better about certain things.It will take a little more time to allow myself to be comfortable but Im working on that.
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  #13  
Old 10-04-2009, 02:25 AM
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James I understand exactly what you are saying about judgemental people. It's discouraging at best and permanently damaging to our psyche at it's worst.
But if someone is judging you-they aren't worth your time of day. SERIOUSLY.
We (as people) tend to make excuses for others (as well as ourselves) when it comes to making judgements. But the truth is-there is NO EXCUSE because we really haven't lived the other person's life, we don't know what makes them tick or why their mind works a certain way or doesn't work a certain way.

Our society is so judgemental that it has become the norm in our lives. Then to make it all freaking wonderful (sarcasm strongly there) we have this idea that the "perfect" look is anorexic, tall and generally a "post holochaust body" look. But realistically-there isn't anything about that which is healthy.

So the REAL life answer to your issues (imho) is first to identify who the "best you" in YOUR opinion in, then strive to be that.

Right now I'm working (after having lost me) on reconnecting with my REAL best self and guess what? The people I love and care about are MORE interested in me because I'm being REAL-even though some of those real things go against the grain for them!

If you find your own true best self and start pushing yourself to be whatever that is-then love, deep friendship and bonding will follow naturally because people will see your confidence in yourself and be attracted to that!

If you don't mind my asking-how old are you? It's just a curiosity on my part! I'm 34 and so many "truths" have come clear for me in recent years. I've known I was bi for a long time and I've known I was poly (without knowing what it was called) for as long as I can remember, but I mean truths about my NEEDS and what I MUST have versus what I thought I could compromise for love. Anyway-just a curiosity!
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  #14  
Old 10-04-2009, 03:54 PM
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Im 19. I been in one major relationship that lasted from when I was 14 to 17. My boyfriend found out he had aids and I stuck with him. I got tested multiple times and never had anything. October 28th of last year he had died, 3 days before we had met. When I was with him I was the happiest I have ever been but things slowly had changed.

Last edited by James; 10-04-2009 at 03:55 PM. Reason: Too sick to post right lol
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  #15  
Old 10-04-2009, 07:51 PM
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Oh sweetie! My heart goes out to you.
When I was 15 my boyfriends older brother died of AIDS. It was devastating, and he wasn't my boyfriend! It's so hard to lose someone we love and so hard to move on from.

I thought you were young. My oldest daughter is 18.
But in many ways that is good, because what that tells me is your feelings of insecurity are actually QUITE NORMAL. But if you do keep working on them-you will grow up and grow out of them in the next few years.

We always have little things we are insecure about (like me and my boobs) but when we grow away from the highschool scene people are generally less discriminating and shallow-and in turn we are more able to learn to accept ourselves for who we are.

Keep your head up and practice looking for those good things about yourselff and focus on them!!

Hope you feel better by the way-being sick sucks!!!!!!!!
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Old 10-04-2009, 08:16 PM
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Its coming up to a year now and it is really bothering me cause he was the only person to make me comfortable doing anything. But then I lost that and now Im stuck like this. Too many things make it hard for me to try and look into myself because when I do I get insulted by my family and then swamped with crap that I cant manage right now.
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  #17  
Old 10-04-2009, 08:20 PM
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Hi James,
AS LR said taking the flashlight and shinning it on your best parts will by default build your self esteem and ppl are naturally attracted to others that exude confidence.Ive seen women that I do not find physically attractive to me but they have such a glow of confidence that I cant help but be in awe of them.Physical attraction goes so much further then just the body.

I felt like I wasnt good enough for my wife after she said she wanted another partner.So what I did was write three lists 1)what im good at 2) what I like 3) what ppl remember about me. Then I look for the things that are common in all 3 lists.Focus on those things and you will see and feel a difference.Worked for me ,Hopefully it will work for you also.
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  #18  
Old 10-04-2009, 08:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maca View Post
Hi James,
AS LR said taking the flashlight and shinning it on your best parts will by default build your self esteem and ppl are naturally attracted to others that exude confidence.Ive seen women that I do not find physically attractive to me but they have such a glow of confidence that I cant help but be in awe of them.Physical attraction goes so much further then just the body.

I felt like I wasnt good enough for my wife after she said she wanted another partner.So what I did was write three lists 1)what im good at 2) what I like 3) what ppl remember about me. Then I look for the things that are common in all 3 lists.Focus on those things and you will see and feel a difference.Worked for me ,Hopefully it will work for you also.
I always start feeling stupid when writing the list cause its like I have stupid stuff I'd put on there. But I guess I should try this time around and stick with it.
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  #19  
Old 10-05-2009, 07:01 PM
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James-I TOTALLY get that! I feel like I have some stupid stuff on my list of "good attributes" AND my list of bad ones as well!

I have hairy toes-no kidding. Serious as a heart attack they look like hobbit toes. It totally freaks me out. For YEARS AND YEARS I refused to take my socks off around ANYONE. I mean ANYONE. I had sex with my socks on!!! (and my shirt too)..
But then one day I was like-does anyone else even give a crap about my TOES???????

The answer is not really.

When I met Maca he was 17 and had a nice body, fairly fit, beautiful red curly hair (that he hated) and gorgeous blue eyes.
Now he is 38 and he's got a pudgy little belly AWESOME SEXY arms, beautiful mostly blonde curly hair 9that he still hates) and GORGEOUS blue eyes.

And you know what? I don't even SEE that pudgy belly.

When we met I know I had a hot body with LONG LONG LONG legs and firm "stay up there" boobs. Now after having babies, feeding those babies and aging I weight about 25 pounds more then I should (was 40 pounds more then now a couple years ago) and the boobs could be used to make funny old lady saggy boob picture jokes!
You know what? He still looks at me and gets chills up his spine and can't stop himself from attacking me!

When you love yourself-you find out that what people love you for is NOT the shallow little things you see when you are putting yourself down.

So-humor us, tell us about YOU. Not what you look like, or what you are self conscious about, what about YOU.

Obviously you are a caring and devoted person to stay with someone through such a hard and painful ending of their life. Having seen first hand how that illness tears a person's life apart I know you must have an amazing heart!

What else? What do you like to do? What interests you?
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  #20  
Old 10-05-2009, 07:26 PM
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Welcome to the forum, James.
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