Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #81  
Old 05-19-2011, 01:54 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redpepper
Well the jury is out on that I think. I don't think the monogamous members here would agree
Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
Some artists paint all humanity with the same color of thier own internal workings...usually because they can't imagine anything different from themselves. That's just as natural as monogamy or non-monogamy
......................
I guess the natural animals that are monogamous go to some pretty fancy schools then

errr...sorry for the hijack...I'm done
Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie
GS is talking about natural as opposed to enculturated. Monogamy is taught.
Yes - potential worthwhile hijack ! I don't know if we have a thread focused on this or not. If not maybe we should. It's a VERY important topic/concept.

But yes, although it is a broad, sweeping generalization, the jury is in fact "IN" from an overall perspective. And of course there are always exceptions to any general rule but an exception doesn't make a rule.

If anyone is interested in going there - we should ?

GS
Reply With Quote
  #82  
Old 05-19-2011, 02:45 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,647
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
Yes - potential worthwhile hijack ! I don't know if we have a thread focused on this or not.
I'm pretty sure we do.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #83  
Old 05-19-2011, 02:55 PM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I'm pretty sure we do.
Here it is!

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...nature+nurture
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #84  
Old 05-19-2011, 03:00 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,956
Default

In cultures where food, belongings and child rearing are shared, sex is shared amongst the group. In societies where there is more of a sense of ownership, hoarding and individuality, men own their wives and have a sense of possession of their wives' vaginas. They also see their offspring as their possessions. These cultures are polygynous (or "monogamous" with much cheating). Men who sleep around and cheat and pay for prostitutes are seen as studs. Women who sleep around or are paid as sex workers are seen as sluts, fallen women, depraved and hysterical. Homosexual men are seen as weak, and lesbians are invisible.

It seems to me, even though our current culture is not hunter/gatherer or horticultural, current feminist thought, and reliable birth control allows for a return to women being autonomous and feeling a sense of entitlement to make the choice whom to fuck.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, 37
I am also casually dating presently, and miss pixi is open to dating as well
Reply With Quote
  #85  
Old 05-19-2011, 03:03 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 999
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by pete View Post
After a lot of working up to the topic, I talked to the wife of 35 years and explained the feelings I had. It went pretty good.
Gawd how I care for her and want her to understand!
Trying to understand it my self.
Then I started doing research and was shocked at how poly feelings are just what I was telling her how I felt. Open and honest relationships among and between adults. Sex as "cheating" does not fit.
I'm not having sex with anyone other than with my wife -- and she and I enjoy it at least once almost every day. Nor is there necessarily another particular woman I'm attracted to, although there have been some arousing moments that felt perfectly right.
Congratulations on the successful talk! Read, read, read and talk some more!
Reply With Quote
  #86  
Old 05-19-2011, 07:39 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,705
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
. . . a return to women being autonomous and feeling a sense of entitlement to make the choice whom to fuck.
And how many!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
Reply With Quote
  #87  
Old 05-20-2011, 03:03 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
There's also some good related conversation in the book review thread of Sex at Dawn. Mon - I know you refused to read that but ya really should ! Lot of interesting sociology information in there besides the sexual parts. Stuff that a lot of people know instinctively but forget because of the current culture we live in.

GS
Reply With Quote
  #88  
Old 05-20-2011, 04:01 PM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
Mon - I know you refused to read that but ya really should ! Lot of interesting sociology information in there besides the sexual parts. Stuff that a lot of people know instinctively but forget because of the current culture we live in.

GS
From what little I have been exposed to I think it holds some very valid and interesting historical insights though. Honestly, I am just not that into reading about this topic from any perspective. It's nothing personal against this book. I'm a history buff, but more of a pre gun powder warfare fan.
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #89  
Old 06-09-2011, 02:02 AM
Erosa's Avatar
Erosa Erosa is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 138
Default How Do You Bring This Up With a "True Mono"??

Okay...

As a woman who loves both genders and all variations there on, but strongly prefers vaginas to penises...

I am facing a delima.

I am in a mono relationship with the world's most mono guy. He is older and very traditional in a lot of ways and I know that contributes to his attitudes in this area;

But he has more or less said that his idea of a good relationship (for him.) is one man, one woman, no additionals, no vees, no swinging.

Now, he has been cheated on in the past by an ex wife. And while I think that this behavior is deplorable on her part, I am having a hard time accepting the idea that I can never, ever, ever have a female partner again.

Any suggestions as to how to bring this up to him and what to say to get him to understand that I am not dissatisfied with him as a lover, just that I want a little gender variety?

I am afraid he will take it really personally, as a rejection of who he is and his ability to take care of me sexually and emotionally, if I request to have female partners.

I love him to pieces. But I just don't know how to approach this without hurting his feelings. (And that's the worse part; it will hurt him. not make him mad. Mad I could deal with. But I HATE hurting his feelings.)
__________________
With all my heart I will love and not fail,
With all my soul I will fly and not fall.
Reply With Quote
  #90  
Old 06-09-2011, 04:17 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Erosa View Post
Okay...

As a woman who loves both genders and all variations there on, but strongly prefers vaginas to penises...
Don't show him this LOL! That'll do nothing for his ego or sense of "not being enough".

Based on how you describe your boyfriend I think you will have to take a risk to get a possible gain. If I was you, I would focus on just how completely different sexuality with a woman is. You want to explain that this is like apples to oranges. Men are like apples...tonnes of variety but essentially the same fruit. Women on the other hand are oranges and there is ablsolutely no comparison to be made with apples.

I've gone through this with my ex-wife. Ultimately it didn't work for me but I gave it a shot.....I think it could have worked given a better foundation with her. Is your foundation with this man solid? And is he worth continuing with if he says no?

Maybe find some movies that deal with this and see how he responds to them. Usually people talk about the movies they see...perhaps you can get a feel for his reaction that way. Then you can teasingly approach the topic. Some questions cannot be unasked.
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
coming out, coming out poly, communication, dating, disclosure, help sought, ldr, long distance love, new and confused, new to poly

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:27 PM.