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Old 05-17-2011, 07:04 PM
littlebird littlebird is offline
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Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1
Default First time butterflies

So my husband and I have been talking about trying to go poly for a while now, and last week, after talking to a mutual friend who we'd both agreed on, he made arrangements to see her tonight and try being, well, more-than-friends with her. (Just putting it that way because I don't know exactly what the plan is this evening, don't know if they're jumping straight into bed or going on a date or what exactly.)

So now I'm sitting here and I just feel a bit... weird. I'm trying to define it. I don't think I feel sad or upset, I don't think I mind exactly, it just seems... weird.

And now I'm worrying, because I've been worrying all along that the fact that I didn't feel like I minded might be denial, that maybe when it happened suddenly I'd realise that it was painful and horrible. And I am concerned that maybe I'm starting to mind but at the same time I still don't feel like I mind, I feel like I ought to mind.

Thus far, this is a one night thing. We're going to talk about it after tonight and try and decide if it's a way we want to continue to live. (We are very lucky to have such an understanding friend who is happy to be our guinea pig in this way... don't worry, she knows the score!)

I just wondered, really, what others of you felt if/when you first experienced some kind of poly situation. I've been looking around the forums and reading a few posts. So far the only person I've talked to about it is my husband... we don't really want to go around trying to explain it to people until we know whether it's going to be a long-term thing or not.

I suppose I just kinda wanted to hear from some people who might understand and respond while I'm sitting here with butterflies in my stomach!
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