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  #31  
Old 05-15-2011, 01:02 PM
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Senga Senga is offline
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Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
My wife and I have found that when we meet people, and tell them we are looking for Friends with bennifits, it works better than telling them we are "poly". For some odd reason, as soon as we tell ppl we are "poly", they get all scared and try to run the other way. They get scared of the "relationship" and "love" parts. So, we are back to simply telling people we are just looking for FWB's.

Oh yeah, it does sound less scary lol! How do you get around people wanting to just be "swingers" with you? Idk maybe its just my 20-something age bracket that encourages a lack of commitment... lol
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  #32  
Old 05-15-2011, 01:07 PM
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For example, when I had two boyfriends, we aimed to become a triad, not a V. We ended up somewhere in the middle.

No, our aim was not for the men to have sex, it was for them to develop a brother-like friendship based on trust. To me, the term "involved" does not require sex, just a relationship. Or at the very least, mutual respect and cooperation with scheduling.
This sounds lovely!
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  #33  
Old 05-15-2011, 01:24 PM
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lC13...mbedded#at=791

someone just linked this to my facebook page, & it really struck me as the perfect timing, so I thought I would share. Have a great day guys

Last edited by Senga; 05-15-2011 at 01:27 PM.
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  #34  
Old 05-15-2011, 01:45 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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TL, don't compromise! You know you won't attract what you're looking for if you say it's only FWB. Don't let impatience to find lovers change the things you want. If you want love, look for love and don't accept less. The ones who aren't afraid of that will be worth any long period it may take to find them.
Cindie, You ever watched the movie "Friends with Bennifits" yet? Pretty funny flick about a man and a woman who hook up, and decide to make it a regular thing, but keep it sinmply as a friends with bennifits thing, and no "love" or "commitment". They find out, after a long period, that it simply doesn't work that way. After a person, or persons, are together for a long period of time.....They develop feelings for each other. The longer they are together, the more those feelings develop. It's natural.

We tell people we are looking for FWB's, and that we are "open" to the idea of a "relationship" type thing. Then USUALLY, they will say they are open to that idea also. Even if they aren't sure what it is. LOL So it takes a while to build up to this type of relationship I guess. But is that any different than a single person dating? A single person may date 3 or 4 people at the same time. Experiencing sexual relations with all of them. However, because I'm married and in a open committed relationship, I am supposed to be different?
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  #35  
Old 05-15-2011, 01:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Senga View Post
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lC13...mbedded#at=791

someone just linked this to my facebook page, & it really struck me as the perfect timing, so I thought I would share. Have a great day guys
You in Vancouver?

We used to live in Newcastle, Washington. (down by Seattle) We've since moved to Clearwater Florida.
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  #36  
Old 05-15-2011, 03:10 PM
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Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
... The longer they are together, the more those feelings develop. It's natural.

We tell people we are looking for FWB's, and that we are "open" to the idea of a "relationship" type thing. Then USUALLY, they will say they are open to that idea also. Even if they aren't sure what it is. LOL So it takes a while to build up to this type of relationship I guess. But is that any different than a single person dating? A single person may date 3 or 4 people at the same time. Experiencing sexual relations with all of them. However, because I'm married and in a open committed relationship, I am supposed to be different?
Well, you know, TL, your last quad broke up when the other husband got jealous of you and his wife getting too "serious," in love, whatever... I hope you're not setting yourselves up for that impasse again.
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  #37  
Old 05-16-2011, 01:36 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by Senga View Post
Any relationship such as a couple, triad, quad, (or any dynamic where all the people are interacting with the others ) has much more potential structure to encourage stability than a V, or N dynamic where there is room for misunderstanding, miscommunication, third wheel, left out of the loop, considered secondary not primary etc etc...
I have no idea why you would say that. The more people involved, the less stable the whole will be, simply because more possible issues can erupt.
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  #38  
Old 05-16-2011, 01:42 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by Senga View Post
No, our aim was not for the men to have sex, it was for them to develop a brother-like friendship based on trust. To me, the term "involved" does not require sex, just a relationship. Or at the very least, mutual respect and cooperation with scheduling.
If you were to tell me I'm involved with my male friends, I'd likely ask you if you hear the stuff falling our your mouth, as that would be obviously false. It wouldn't matter in the slightest if we were dating the same woman--we wouldn't be "involved" unless we had a romance going on (whether it involved sex or not). Prima facie, that statement is nonsensical. It's the same as with my female friends--we're not "involved" unless we have a romance of some sort. Friends are friends and being involved requires romance.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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