Couples seeking couples versus individuals

[Senga]

Oh, thats awesome... I think I caused a lot of problems in my Triad/V relationship between me & my two boyfriends because I would complain to one boyfriend about the things I didnt like in the other boyfriend & vice versa-which caused a lot of confusion about "Why was I dating them in the first place". (1 an ex boyfriend now ) lol

Since then, I have learned my lesson, & I only discuss problems with the person it involves, then afterwards I summarize to the person/people it affects IF necessary.

I think this has helped to create much better feelings in all my other relationships since then & also I spend more time enjoying my time with a person doing things, instead of complaining about someone else

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by Senga

Any relationship such as a couple, triad, quad, (or any dynamic where all the people are interacting with the others ) has much more potential structure to encourage stability than a V, or N dynamic where there is room for misunderstanding, miscommunication, third wheel, left out of the loop, considered secondary not primary etc etc...

This is an odd blanket statement. It's not the structure, but the people involved that create stability. Any structure can work if the people involved invest fully in the relationships.

Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn

. . . for a single poly, the easiest way to kick start your poly life is to get involved with an established couple. Which, in a way, I think it is. There is a surprising amount of straight-male-bi-female couples out there looking.

That would only work if you were a bi or pansexual single poly, of course.

[TL4everu2]

My wife and I have found that when we meet people, and tell them we are looking for Friends with bennifits, it works better than telling them we are "poly". For some odd reason, as soon as we tell ppl we are "poly", they get all scared and try to run the other way. They get scared of the "relationship" and "love" parts. So, we are back to simply telling people we are just looking for FWB's.

[Senga]

Originally Posted by nycindie

This is an odd blanket statement. It's not the structure, but the people involved that create stability. Any structure can work if the people involved invest fully in the relationships.



That would only work if you were a bi or pansexual single poly, of course.

I totally agree with you that any structure can work and it is all about the people investing in the relationship that makes it work.

I do believe that a triad does Not require sex for memebers to be in a triad.

For example, when I had two boyfriends, we aimed to become a triad, not a V. We ended up somewhere in the middle.

No, our aim was not for the men to have sex, it was for them to develop a brother-like friendship based on trust. To me, the term "involved" does not require sex, just a relationship. Or at the very least, mutual respect and cooperation with scheduling.

[Senga]

I believe some people prefer to have totally separate relationships from their primary. I think that's great, to me that is what a V relationship would be. Where one person is the hinge, & the other two people are only connected through that person. The responsibility for scheduling & information etc is then on the person who is the "Hinge".

[bitterborn]

Originally Posted by Senga

I do believe that a triad does Not require sex for memebers to be in a triad.

Oh YES!!!!! You can love without sex! I wish more people would have this epiphany.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by Senga

I do believe that a triad does Not require sex for memebers to be in a triad.

The general understanding of the term, in polyamory, is that a triad refers to three people all involved emotionally and sexually with each other. I guess sex isn't always necessary, but the emotion and commitment would be.

[Senga]

okay thanks

[Senga]

Originally Posted by nycindie

The general understanding of the term, in polyamory, is that a triad refers to three people all involved emotionally and sexually with each other. I guess sex isn't always necessary, but the emotion and commitment would be.

Triad n 1: any three person lovestyle. 2: three people involved in some way; most often used in a committed sense; in some cases involving ceremonies of commitment 3 : a union or group of three usu. closely related persons or things


I guess we were looking for the commitment, mental, financial, & emotional involvement then. As far as the guys feeling a type of family love for each other since we wanted to create a family.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by TL4everu2

My wife and I have found that when we meet people, and tell them we are looking for Friends with bennifits, it works better than telling them we are "poly". For some odd reason, as soon as we tell ppl we are "poly", they get all scared and try to run the other way. They get scared of the "relationship" and "love" parts. So, we are back to simply telling people we are just looking for FWB's.

TL, don't compromise! You know you won't attract what you're looking for if you say it's only FWB. Don't let impatience to find lovers change the things you want. If you want love, look for love and don't accept less. The ones who aren't afraid of that will be worth any long period it may take to find them.