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Old 05-15-2011, 06:08 AM
Vibrant Vibrant is offline
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Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1
Default I want my spark back!

Intro in a nutshell: my DH and I have been married almost 10 years, together for 13, two children. We decided to open our relationship just a couple months ago, so we are both very, very new to the practice of poly. Over that time period, I've made a couple of connections that fizzled before they really got off the ground, we've what we call "squared up" with another poly couple (I'm dating both him and her, DH is dating her, he and DH get along swimmingly, and we all hang out together as well as pair off - oh, and they babysit our kids so we can go out, too!), and DH has recently connected with a single gal (let's call her SG) that has turned into a steady thing.

When we first made the decision to try this, it changed our relationship for the better in ways I never saw coming. I was so happy with things, I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. I believe I actually told DH at one point that I "feel like shooting kittens and rainbows all over everyone." In the last couple weeks, though, since DH and SG have started seeing each other, insecurity and possessiveness have been raising their ugly heads and dragging me - and our relationship - down.

I have no rational reason for feeling this way - DH is as attentive and loving as ever, and we make sure to prioritize our time together over everything else. SG is totally understanding that our relationship is primary and places no undue demands on DH's time or attentions. His relationship with SG in no way takes away from what he and I have, and I KNOW this in my head and in my heart, yet I still get that awful, visceral twist in my gut when I think about them together.

Any tried-and-true advice for moving past these negative emotions? I truly love the concept of open/poly, and think the world would be a better place if more people embraced it, and I want to make it work for us. I miss being the excited, passionate, exuberant person I was not that long ago, and I really dislike feeling always tense, queasy, and uncertain. I've talked both DH and myself (and even our square, a little bit) in circles trying to pinpoint something that could be "fixed." But it's not the other person, it's not the relationship, it's not the rules, it's ME. I need - and WANT - to change something, inside, and I don't know how to do that.
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