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Old 05-13-2011, 03:40 PM
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slm slm is offline
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Finland
Posts: 18
Default compersion and/or self-interest

My friend/partner/husband and I recently opened up our relationship. This was after much talking, effort and going through the basics of polyamory Ė this is his first experience with being in an open relationship. Iíve been in a few previously, and was extremely happy when we finally reached an agreement to open it up.

After that, things stagnated for awhile Ė for him because heís very passive and a bit asexual, actually. Or at least he seemingly doesnít seem to think effortlessly about women sexually. For me, I sort of hung back from starting something with someone else because in some ways I wanted him ďto go firstĒ since this was his first time. The other reason was because the two people Iím attracted to are sort of risky (a co-worker and a former teacher) Ė meaning if they werenít interested it could make things weird in the future.

Anyhow, my friend/partner/husband finally made a move and had sex with a longstanding friend of his. I was ecstatic, and weíve talked through it since they hooked up. Things seem not only normal between us, but actually better than they have been in a long time. This seemingly has a lot to do with me, as I was unhappy being in a closed relationship. My attitude has changed since his recent adventure.

We live in different cities about half of the time, and I value my alone time. I think he would prefer to be together more, although he may be becoming more accustomed to, and appreciative of, our time apart. His date was about a week ago, and Iím already waiting for the next time. It worries me a bit that I am so excited and interested in his seeing this woman again. Should I be? I have experienced no jealousy, at least as far as I know. In my prior open relationships, sometimes I was jealous and sometimes not.

I canít figure out, either, if this is extreme compersion or rather self-interest. Maybe itís a mixture of both. I guess Iím just wondering if there is any danger in my absence of negative emotions. I suppose this may be similar to those types of relationships where only one person is seeing other people, and the one who is not is perfectly fine with that. However, Iíve only read about those types of people and have never known any first hand.

Iím interested in hearing others similar experiences, and if you have faced any trouble because of them.
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