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  #11  
Old 04-04-2011, 10:59 PM
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Originally Posted by lovemultiplied View Post
Great answers.
I agree! I appreciate all of the perspectives here!
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  #12  
Old 04-04-2011, 11:40 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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For me personally I was a unicorn hunter in the beginning. It was releasing myself from the "seeking" side that allowed me to find so much of what I now have. The freedom to be flexible in what I want brought me the woman I love.

I believe, couples seeking couples fall under the false belief that it will help with jealousy and time issues. This again falls under the belief that it will make all things equal. One thing I have experience and witnessed, nothing is perfectly equal. A triad is usually scalene and a quad is usually more polygonal. In the end the configuration won't help those problems. Only the individuals will.
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  #13  
Old 04-05-2011, 01:01 AM
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I happen to think that a quad living situation would be ideal for us.

However, I don't think that it's necessary for our lovers to be "shared". While I am bi-Maca is certainly not. Furthermore, we often have different tastes in women!

Ironically, at the moment, he is pretty serious with a FWB. They've been seeing one another when possible (some significant restrictions on time due to opposite work schedules and family responsibilities) for nearly a year now.
I find her AMAZINGLY beautiful, intelligent and adorable. I like her A LOT. I could totally see myself falling in love with her also if we were to live together.

But, I'm not willing to allow my emotions to run wild with someone I know I can't be sure I'll see once a month! I'm a bit more... needy.

SO, he has this lovely FWB.
I have a wonderful bf.

I'm friends with his FWB and working on getting to know her even better.
He's well-acquainted with my bf (we all lived together for 10 years), but wouldn't say they are "friends". Maca's working on resolving the possessiveness issues that arise when facing the reality of my bf. shrug....


I think a lot of people get stuck in looking for "my idea" or "our ideal" and forget that they're dealing with people.

It's possible you could find an amazing single girlfriend and then someday add the perfect man to the group to create the perfect "quad" (or vice versa). But, only if you aren't stuck on ONLY accepting couples as potentials...
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  #14  
Old 04-06-2011, 12:15 PM
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sigh... LR, it's so rough you and maca and GG lived together for 10 (!) years and maca never got a handle on his jealousy/possessiveness. Yet there he is with a girlfriend himself! Argh.
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  #15  
Old 04-06-2011, 06:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
sigh... LR, it's so rough you and maca and GG lived together for 10 (!) years and maca never got a handle on his jealousy/possessiveness. Yet there he is with a girlfriend himself! Argh.
Yes, that's tough. I admit, LR, I was quite surprised to read that he's been involved with her for almost a year.
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  #16  
Old 04-07-2011, 03:27 AM
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I just find this all to be very curious... because I feel it's hard enough to find ONE person with whom I connect, and especially find another couple with whom my husband will find the wife attractive or connect with her. To me, dating another couple would feel too much like "swinging" or "wife swapping" (of which I am not opposed, it just has no interest for me) and I'd rather have my own relationships.

A huge reason as to why I am poly, is that it allows me to branch BEYOND my husband and create my own relationships and connections... if we were to "share" another couple (even if that meant me being with the man and him being with the woman), it would just feel like a continuation of our marriage.

I don't have anything against couples who date couples... just curious as to whether people have had success in it. I totally can see why a single might want a couple... more people to love and share the connection with - just having a hard time wrapping my head around couples with couples?

However, these have been some great answers!
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  #17  
Old 04-07-2011, 04:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Yes, that's tough. I admit, LR, I was quite surprised to read that he's been involved with her for almost a year.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
sigh... LR, it's so rough you and maca and GG lived together for 10 (!) years and maca never got a handle on his jealousy/possessiveness. Yet there he is with a girlfriend himself! Argh.
Shrug,
She's a dream.
We all have work to do.
Not for this thread.
June will be a year.
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  #18  
Old 04-07-2011, 11:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovemultiplied View Post
I don't have anything against couples who date couples... just curious as to whether people have had success in it. I totally can see why a single might want a couple... more people to love and share the connection with - just having a hard time wrapping my head around couples with couples?
Yes, why would a couple want an unicorn? That's been discussed a lot, but I think one strong reason is that it does feel like a continuation of the marriage/established relationship and thus less foreign and threatening.

I've had people tell me 'it's you or it's no one - if thinks don't work out with you we are not even interested in poly'. Then they stop contacting me and I'm left wondering as to why? Too threatening? I'm going with too threatening. We want so many things that we would be scared shitless to actually have.
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  #19  
Old 05-12-2011, 04:19 AM
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Senga Senga is offline
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Um, I am (fem part of) a MF couple who would want to date another couple. I am open to other ideas & I will not let my expectations get in the way of reality & what really ends up happening as long as it is making me happy.

I just want to say that theoretically it would work nicely for us. Sexually, (im bisexual). Emotionally, we do want to extend the commitment of our "primary" relationship to form a stable situation to form a family. We want to be involved, not separated with others. I realize that is a little different than some people's approach which is fine with me; to each his own & each their own choice.

To me, dating another couple would be totally different than swinging. I would be dating & having a relationship with up to three people, not just casual sex. I know that everyone has some issues, but we are looking for a couple that is similar to us, stable, loving, open-minded & fun. I think the jealousy & insecurity issues can crop up with anyone, & that is not a "couples" issue, its a personal issue for everyone to deal with on some level.

I do think that setting up as stable a structure as possible is a good idea. Any relationship such as a couple, triad, quad, (or any dynamic where all the people are interacting with the others ) has much more potential structure to encourage stability than a V, or N dynamic where there is room for misunderstanding, miscommunication, third wheel, left out of the loop, considered secondary not primary etc etc...

That being said, I agree that humans can't be turned into math problems, nor can it be said that there are not some very stable V & N relationships. In my opinion those relationships require respect for & from every individual involved as well as for the multiple relationships involved as well. In a quad dynamic, that respect for the individual as well as the couples relationships are (hopefully) granted, leaving less to be figured out. Unfortunately, we haven't found what we are looking for exactly, but figuring out what would work best for us, helps us know what things we are definitely looking for, and which things Could be negotiated or compromised on to make everyone involved happy/content/needs met. Thats my two cents, sorry to be devils advocate
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  #20  
Old 05-13-2011, 11:40 AM
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Senga,
Don't be "sorry". LT and myself have had numerous relationships with couples. They have all worked in their own way. Unfortunatly, they have all lasted about 3-4 years each. We have found it easier to have a relationship like that because then everyone has someone safe that they can discuss "problems" with. Whereas, a single person seems to be stressing all the time. Mind you, this is just OUR experience.
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