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  #501  
Old 05-11-2011, 03:35 PM
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KatTails KatTails is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
But it is.. Outright, impossible to be an independent person while submitting yourself to someone else.
While ours is not a D/s type relationship - I do believe there are women on here who are the sub in such a relationship - but who are also very independent, outspoken women. Am I right?

And again - to clarify - he isn't trying to control me or make me his slave. Not at all! This isn't all about him - it's about me choosing to "submit/surrender" to things in my life that I can't control or have no right to try to control. There are going to be times when him and I will disagree about things - and unless it's something I believe in strongly, I most likely will give in (picking my battles) to avoid an escalated fight that will only cause us to lose precious time together. We've already lost enough.

He wants MG in his life more fully. I have resisted this for a long time. It has only caused resentment and anger in both of us. Therefor - I am choosing to work on acceptance and finding it in myself to let go of this resentment. In doing so - I am surrendering to the reality of this situation, of my life and of what 2rings needs in his life. I'm not just "submitting/surrendering" to him, but to reality. I am reading Radical Acceptance and learning a lot about pausing, acknowledging feelings, and letting go.

So please - enough about "submitting" and enough about his quote. I understand everyone's concerns, outrage etc - but that quote has no bearing on my decision.

I have a long road ahead of me and I would like to be able to continue to come here for advice and support based on what I write - not on personal opinions of 2rings. I hope that's still possible.
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  #502  
Old 05-11-2011, 03:44 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Kat, I want to point out that it was your choice of words ("submit TO 2Rings") that has triggered these responses. Now you either are clarifying or back-pedaling - I really don't care which it is - obviously the words "submit" and "surrender" are synonymous for you... but they are not synonymous across the board. As others have elaborated, one tends to suggest oppression, the other resignation. I think this conversation can continue to be productive if we acknowledge the dissonance created by our different usages and understandings of certain words, and move past it.
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  #503  
Old 05-11-2011, 04:13 PM
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KatTails KatTails is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
Kat, I want to point out that it was your choice of words ("submit TO 2Rings") that has triggered these responses. Now you either are clarifying or back-pedaling - I really don't care which it is - obviously the words "submit" and "surrender" are synonymous for you... but they are not synonymous across the board. As others have elaborated, one tends to suggest oppression, the other resignation. I think this conversation can continue to be productive if we acknowledge the dissonance created by our different usages and understandings of certain words, and move past it.
I agree that it was my word usage that triggered this response - and I have clarified several times that "surrender" would have been a better, more accurate word choice. So - no - I am not back-peddaling. 2rings and I did use the word "submit" in our talk - but we both clearly understand what that means in relation to our relationship and I have explained that on here.

I should have been more clear in my original post. I hope my explanations have made things more clear. I'm moving forward. . . .
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  #504  
Old 05-11-2011, 05:47 PM
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Stay strong, Kat. Just please... stay strong. I am thinking of you.
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  #505  
Old 05-19-2011, 03:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Stay strong, Kat. Just please... stay strong. I am thinking of you.
I am!!
--------------------------------

I haven't been blogging because I haven't had too much to say. Things have been going great! 2rings and I are getting along better than we have in a long time. We started marriage counseling last weekend and we both feel good about this guys approach. MG and I went out to eat, drink and talk last week and it went pretty good. I think we are on the same page: we are working on our friendship, building trust and moving forward. Last week our daughter shadowed MG's daughter at school for a few hours, as she's planning on applying there. MG met my MIL for the first time this week which I wholeheartedly supported - that was a BIG step forward. This weekend we have some plans to do some things together and with our children.

I'm embracing this reality and we are moving forward. Things are good!
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Last edited by KatTails; 05-19-2011 at 03:44 PM.
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  #506  
Old 05-19-2011, 04:46 PM
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As I have mentioned before - I am reading the book Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. I truly feel like this book is a big reason why I have been doing as well as I have been the last few weeks. The following are quotes that I highlighted in my book, because I could really relate to them or because they motivated me and made me think. All quotes are by Tara Brach unless noted otherwise.

I hope someone else can gain strength from these quotes.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

"If we are waiting only for our fear to end, we will not discover the pure and loving presence that unfolds as we surrender to the darkest of nights."

"When we are no longer trying to control fear and cling to life, our armor drops away and we experience a deep and pure freedom."

"When we stop tensing against life, we open to an awareness that is immeasurably large and suffused in love."

"Letting go into fear, accepting it, may seem counterintuitive. Yet because fear is an intrinsic part of being alive, resisting it means resisting life. The habit of avoidance seeps into every aspect of our life: it prevents us from loving well, from cherishing beauty within and around us, from being present in the moment."

"Being genuinely awake in the midst of fear requires the willingness to actively contact the sensations of fear."

"We are caught in the trance of fear when the emotion of fear becomes the core of our identity and constricts our capacity to live fully."

"Fear is the anticipation of future pain."

"As we learn to say yes to fear, we reconnect with the fullness of being - the heart and awareness that have been overshadowed by the contraction of fear."

"When the resistance is gone, the demons are gone."

"In bringing a clear and comprehensive awareness to our situation, we begin to accept our wanting self with compassion. This frees us to move forward, to break out of old patterns."

"It doesn't matter what is happening. What matters is how we are relating to our experience."


". . . aiming my sights on the future was an uncomfortable, out of balance way of being. When such periods were in full swing, I was too tense to appreciate the beauty around me, too preoccupied to listen inwardly or enjoy the people I love."

"[I have to] remind myself of the freedom and joy of remaining present, and of the suffering that arises from living in stories and illusions."

"Buddha taught that we suffer when we cling to or resist experience, when we want life different than it is."

"Pain in inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Only when we realize we can't hold on to anything can we begin to relax our efforts to control our experience."

"Mindfulness of the body leads to happiness in this life, and the fulness of spiritual awakening."

"When we stop comparing ourselves to some assumed standard of perfection, this very life we are living right now, can be tasted and explored, honored and appreciated fully. When we put down ideas of what life should be like, we are free to wholeheartedly to say yes to our life as it is."

"There is something wonderfully bold and liberating about saying yes to our entire imperfect and messy life."

"Nothing is wrong - whatever is happening is just real life."

"The unfaced and unfelt parts of our psyche are the source of all neurosis and suffering." Carl Jung

"Through the sacred art of pausing, we develop the capacity to stop hiding, to stop running away from our experience."

"Taking our hands off the controls and pausing is an opportunity to clearly see the wants and fears that are driving us."

"When we pause, we don't know what will happen next. But by disrupting our habitual behaviors, we open to the possibility of new and creative ways of responding to our wants and fears."

"There is only one world, the world pressing against you at this minute. There is only one minute in which you are alive, this minute here and now. The only way to live is by accepting each minute as an unrepeatable miracle."

"The boundary to what we can accept, is the boundary to our freedom."
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“There is only one world, the world pressing against you at this minute. There is only one minute in which you are alive, this minute here and now. The only way to live is by accepting each minute as an unrepeatable miracle."

Last edited by KatTails; 05-19-2011 at 05:24 PM.
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  #507  
Old 05-19-2011, 06:31 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Kat,
I am glad things are so much improved. Just wanted to point out, if you haven't seen it already, River started a thread/study group about the book Radical Acceptance.

It is here:
Book "Radical Acceptance" Study and Practice Group
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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