Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #251  
Old 05-11-2011, 12:13 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,221
Default

I suggest searching for posts by XYZ123 and Vandalin. They both have stories that are along the lines of what you're asking for, but seeiing as how they both you know, have more children now and are kind of busy, they haven't been on here much recently.

And of course there's always redpepper.
Reply With Quote
  #252  
Old 05-11-2011, 01:58 PM
Rachelina Rachelina is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 34
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
I found something RP mentioned in another thread (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9721) very intriguing. She described how she and PN took a break from poly while they were having their baby. So my question is; is this something a lot of people do? Taking a break from poly while trying to get with child and rearing them?
We seem to be doing the opposite - our girl is scheduled to arrive shortly before our baby is due (she is long distance now). I do worry that it will be a lot of change to adjust to at once. On the other hand, it will be great to have an extra person around to help with the baby and the household, not to mention much-needed female companionship for me. I can see why people would want to take a break from dating, but in our case we are all committed to each other already so it doesn't make sense to take a break.
Reply With Quote
  #253  
Old 05-11-2011, 08:37 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,401
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachelina View Post
I can see why people would want to take a break from dating, but in our case we are all committed to each other already so it doesn't make sense to take a break.
That would be a logistical nightmare in our life. I've always had my nearest and dearest friends as "family" and they've been a GODSEND with raising my children.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #254  
Old 05-11-2011, 11:15 PM
Athena Athena is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 167
Default

I think it depends on where you are at relationshipwise. If you aren't in any active relationships when baby arrives, it is such a lifechanging event that you may not have energy at least during the first few months. However, as you adjust you figure out how to go back to having a bit of a social life, though it takes more planning than before.
Reply With Quote
  #255  
Old 05-12-2011, 01:41 AM
SourGirl's Avatar
SourGirl SourGirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South of an Igloo, North of a Desert.
Posts: 885
Default

*Raises hand*

@ BlackUnicorn,

We took a break.
Mind you, 10 yrs ago, we weren`t in a 'poly' or open relationship so to speak. We called it 'exclusive swinging'

Poly was a word associated with those misfit polygamists,(in our minds back then) and we didn't want to be associated that way.

When I became pregnant with my daughter, ( not long after losing a baby at 5 months gestation) I pulled away. Wanted to do things 'right'. I was scared of being caught, outed, whatever. Scared something I did, caused my loss.

So it was my doing. Of course it didn`t make sense in hindsight. I was grieving, and made choices that were permanent.


If I knew then what I know now,... I would of kept the relationships going, and given the people we cared about, a chance to prove they were capable, trustworthy people, who wouldn't make silly mistakes at our expense.

I didn`t give them that chance. Most definitely,..my bad.

So today,..we still have no wish to be outed, or in the open. That will always be. However, we give people a chance to prove they are on board with us. If it`s not quite fitting right,..there are other options, and we can date away from home.
Reply With Quote
  #256  
Old 05-12-2011, 07:12 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,639
Default

We had no relationships going on when we got pregnant with our boy and he was born. He was our relationship. We felt that we couldn't justify giving our time to others and taking it from him. We were way into attachment parenting and this was part of it for us. He didn't leave me until he was over a year (LB and I were in one bed, PN in another) and I breast fed him until he was three. I had barely room for PN in my life at the time. I'm glad we did it that way, because all the literature and my gut was right, this boy needed all I gave him in the way of attention, attachment, and time. It was so worth it.

I think if there was someone like Mono in my life back then, they would of been a part of that. Any part of my immediate family would be. I just wouldn't and didn't start something new with anyone. It wouldn't of been fair to them really and my head wasn't in it at all.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #257  
Old 05-12-2011, 08:59 AM
BlackUnicorn's Avatar
BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 906
Default

Yep, the breast-feeding part, while not exactly a problem, is a bit of a challenge right now, because when the baby needs to eat, Mum is the only one who can provide atm. But on the other hand, it's not really time away from the kids Mrs. needs right now but time away from housework to spend with the kids, and I am more than happy to provide!
__________________
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
Reply With Quote
  #258  
Old 05-16-2011, 12:08 AM
foxypoly foxypoly is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1
Default first live in girlfriend

My husband and i have always dated girls and had some relationships lasting up to 6 months but it has always been hidden from the kids. We are now dating a girl and want her to move in with us. Our biggest concern is our 8 year old and 6 year old and the ? about why we all sleep in the same room. can anyone give me some advice. THANKS
Reply With Quote
  #259  
Old 05-16-2011, 02:00 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,221
Default

"Because we're grown-ups, and grown-ups can sleep wherever they want. When you're a grown-up, you can sleep wherever YOU want."
Reply With Quote
  #260  
Old 05-16-2011, 02:32 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,186
Default

Keep it simple. Folks seem to mess things up by trying to give children much more information than they need or can process. Just tell them that you three like to sleep in the same room and that they'll be able to decide on their own sleeping arrangements when they're adults.
__________________
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
acceptance, child protection, children, co-habitate, coming out, definitions, explaining poly, families, family, kids, parenting, primary, secondary, social services, telling, triad

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:55 PM.