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Old 05-11-2011, 01:52 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Location: Metro West Massachusetts
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Originally Posted by StillaStudent View Post
I'd also like to mention something about the sex:

A lot of people on here I have read started out similarly to myself in allowing a spouse to sleep with someone else, with an emotional connection coming out unexpectedly.
Yes, I even started a thread on it yesterday, because it seems to be so common.


But I, and I'd be willing to bet many in my shoes, don't take issue with the emotion, but rather in that it rivals their established relationships.
Yes, in my first foray into poly 11 years ago, I didn't expect the intensity of the feelings my ex had for his new lover. And even though I knew I was still important to him, I was jealous of his strong desire to be with her, take her on romantic dates, etc. I really didn't have an understanding of NRE, and I regret that.

Last night she asked me if it'd be okay for her to sleep in his bed with him if I were to leave for a few days for whatever reason. I told her I wouldn't approve and she argued with me that I was being possessive... Thoughts on this?
Well yeah, you're being possessive. That's not necessarily a bad thing. You speak of making "demands" and also of caving to her demands, and then resenting it. It seems to me you both need to brush up on your communication skills, and learn to negotiate and compromise, and somehow learn to feel good with healthy boundaries. This current relationship is like a runaway train! Adding in he's living with you--sheesh! The pressure!

I end up relenting because she makes me feel guilty, as if I'm some possessive jerk who is infringing on her happiness. She was supposed to use condoms, and I let her talk me out of that. She was supposed to not let him finish off inside her and I let her talk me out of that.
Eek! Has he been tested? Fluid bonding is a very big deal. Takes a huge amount of trust.

For example, the other night she slept with him for an hour and a half. She didn't want to go that long I'm sure, but that's how long it took for him to get off. She comes upstairs, tired, and we can only do it for about 10 minutes because she's tired and sore (marked up with a hickey on her body). How is this not an attack on my alpha status?
Well, attack is a strong word (and frankly, 1 1/2 hours of sex play is pretty average as far as my preferences go... ). But anyway, it's not surprising she'd be tired after a session lasting that long... at least she got you off before falling asleep? You can always have a longer sex session the next day, right?

Seeing your partner marked with love bites by another can be slightly disturbing, but then again, it could also be a turn-on, seen from a different perspective. "My partner is so attractive, it's great that I am not alone in appreciating her beauty and charisma..." Now it's your turn to give her a lovebite he will see!
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixie (poly, F, 40) together since 2009
My bf Kahlo (single, poly-friendly, M, 45) since August 2017
Seeing Rick and Glori (MF partnered, both 33 and poly) since September 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixie's bf for 3+ years
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