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  #41  
Old 10-01-2009, 11:22 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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I find it a peculiar thing to say "the" third person. Because, when there are three people, every one of them is a "third person" from a certain perspective.

Bah. I just don't think the vast majority of people have what it takes to sustain the "triad" relationship-style for very long, regardless of whether we are conditioned by society toward "monogamism" or not. Not to say it isn't possible; it just isn't probable.

And I am quite comfortable in my pessimism, thank you's very much.
Yeah, I agree with you there. Most of the time, the couple still retains a unit status even when they try to include the new partner as much as possible. And most don't even understand that they're doing it. Which is why I'm leery of this model in the first place...ironic that I ended up in it, but I thought it was worth experiencing. Doubtful I'll put myself there again.
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  #42  
Old 10-01-2009, 11:45 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Well you did say it was the PEOPLE, not the SITUATION, that you were attracted to.
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  #43  
Old 10-01-2009, 11:50 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Well you did say it was the PEOPLE, not the SITUATION, that you were attracted to.
True. Sadly, the situation ends up being the elephant in the room and eventually trumps it all.
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  #44  
Old 10-01-2009, 11:50 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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  #45  
Old 10-02-2009, 12:29 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Having said what I said up there, I am rooting for our own home-team-triad of SG-AB-AL. If ANYONE "has what it takes" it is they who do.
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  #46  
Old 10-02-2009, 12:35 AM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Having said what I said up there, I am rooting for our own home-team-triad of SG-AB-AL. If ANYONE "has what it takes" it is they who do.
Agreed! Triads aren't right for everyone, but they're not wrong for everyone either.
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  #47  
Old 10-02-2009, 12:43 AM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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Who's SG-AB-AL? Can't mentally equate those intitials with member names yet, lol.

Violet and I have been talking every day about this very thing, before this thread and even more since reading it. YGirl's comment re the use of the term "third" is very valid for our situation; we are of the opinion that an "equality" model is best for a triad, and working Anne into "full partner" status when Violet and I are an established couple is taking a LOT of work all around. And we've only been together 10 months!

Just this week we learned and had to discuss and fix a situation in which Ane was holding back from fully committing to us a little because she didn't feel "equal" yet, and that Violet was having problems viewing her as equal because she was holding back, LOL! And that was just the tip of teh iceburg which became a lot of very tough, very emotioal discussion. Luckily, the strength is there in our relationship and the love and desire to make it work is there all around, and we're all looking forward to getting past these growing pains and growing this into what we all see on the horizon.
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  #48  
Old 10-02-2009, 12:49 AM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive View Post
Just this week we learned and had to discuss and fix a situation in which Ane was holding back from fully committing to us a little because she didn't feel "equal" yet, and that Violet was having problems viewing her as equal because she was holding back, LOL!
Have you figured out exactly what "equality" is in your relationship?




(and SG-AB-AL are Sunshinegirl, Aussiebloke and Aussielover. AL just moved from Canada to Australia to be in a triad with SG and AB)
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  #49  
Old 10-02-2009, 01:20 AM
violet violet is offline
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Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
Have you figured out exactly what "equality" is in your relationship?




(and SG-AB-AL are Sunshinegirl, Aussiebloke and Aussielover. AL just moved from Canada to Australia to be in a triad with SG and AB)
I'm not sure what HMA will have to say about this one, but personally, I don't think I've figured it out at all. With some of the issues raised in my head - which don't at ALL negate my desire to be or my belief in Poly - leads me to really struggle with whether I WANT her as an equal or not. Whether that's an "equal YET", or an "equal EVER", I don't know. Lots to figure out.

There's a lot of issues in my own head to work around. It's tough - I feel like HMA and Anne go running in the direction I said I was comfortable with, only to get tripped by a diamond filament invisible wire I didn't even know was there! I'm as shocked by it as they are! And when I go to start cutting at the filament, it's fucking diamond. And DAMN hard to get through. I'm having enough trouble cutting it without pissing off/upsetting HMA and Anne. They're both pissed that this line I said wasn't there IS there, and they're hurt by it.

It's tough when I can't see the invisible trip wires I strung. Lots of hurt and anxiety all around. Don't get me wrong - I'm still wanting the relationship. But that equality wire is one that we haven't all the way tripped over yet, and I'm really scared to get there. ANYWAY. Didn't mean to hijack your thread.

</rant>
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  #50  
Old 10-02-2009, 01:30 AM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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I have nothing bad to say about it - how you feel is how you feel, there isn't a right or wrong to feelings.

I will say though, that your post kinda frightens me, as I thought we'd covered this last night and you were doing better and had a grasp of what you wanted.

Oh well - we'll work at it until it's handled, lol. That's what this is all about, and if we have to cover the same subject 100 times until we all understand each others POV and can come to an agreement, then that's what it takes!

For those others reading this exchange - Anne and I are a little bothered that Violet more or less layed the groundwork for this whole thing and assured us that she was ok and on board, and then started having issues with feelig "lessened" by the new girl. I take strength in the fact that these feelings seem to vaporize when Anne shows up and they get to see each other. We discussed last night how going back and changing the dynamic would be devestating to both Anne and in the long run to our relationship, and that we needed to work it out from where we are ow, not where we were then. ANyway, we'll get through it - nobody involved doubts the love we all share or our desire to make it work.
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