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  #31  
Old 09-27-2009, 09:54 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post
This couple that you were involved with were about to lose your close companionship before very long, as I remember -- as you're preparing to move back to England. This may be unrelated to what transpired -- but I would remind you that if they were able to remain utterly loving and open with you up to that ending ..., well, that would make them pretty remarkable human specimens.
First, the fact that I was here temporarily was something that was known as we began the relationship and had nothing to do with what transpired. And I am not dehumanizing them in this situation either. They are absolutely wonderful people, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten involved with them in the first place. That doesn't change the fact that how they treated me as things were changing for them was not right.

And yes, I do appreciate that I'm not the only one in pain from the situation. However, I am the only one who ends up alone from the situation.
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  #32  
Old 09-27-2009, 10:05 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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Bless your precious heart. I wish I had something to say to give you a little comfort or help . . . and I wish I could reach through the 'net and give you a real hug . . . but all I've got is
*hugs*
*lots and lots of hugs*
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  #33  
Old 09-27-2009, 10:06 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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<3 Thanks, Fidelia!
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  #34  
Old 09-27-2009, 10:13 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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Oh, honey, I'm just so sorry for your pain. . .
*more hugs*
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  #35  
Old 09-28-2009, 02:18 AM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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Reading this is killing me. By the end of page two, I had to call Anne and tell her how much she means to me and to us, and come up with all kinds of unecessaary assurances that we want her with us forever and we don't want her to feel "third" and so on...

And then I get off the phone and get to page 3 and the outcome that I'd not read yet.

And I am so angry for you Ceoli, so hurt on your behalf. One of my biggest ssues in life has been the feelilng of acute pain that I carry with me for the women who've been hurt in my past relationhips long after they themselves have moved on. I look back and they're like these beautiful intricate glass sculptures that I mishandle and broke - and I feel that way even when the brekups were not my fault, because I inherently take responsibility anyway (working on that). In that vein this thread just breaks my heart and I've never even met you. I also feel for the couple - they've got some VERY ough times ahead as a result of this - but the injustice of it just seems sowrong for you. I never want Anne to know a hint of that feeling, and I sincerely wish there was a way I could take it away from you.
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  #36  
Old 10-01-2009, 07:14 PM
violet violet is offline
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This is a sad story indeed - it really gave me a glimpse into the way that a third person can feel when things go wrong. Being the female member of the established couple, this entire thread has got me thinking pretty seriously about some of my feelings toward Anne and about the relationship as a whole.

I can't imagine hurting Anne the way you've been hurt, different factors involved or not. I'm so sorry you went through this, and thank you SO MUCH for sharing your experiences. A definite eye-opener.
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  #37  
Old 10-01-2009, 07:43 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Thanks Violet...that's why I posted it. I think it's easy for people in couples to forget what it's like to not be in a couple.
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  #38  
Old 10-01-2009, 10:03 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Thanks for sharing this ceoli. I wish more people would share their hard earned experiences so that others might benefit. Its so important to support and share with one another. Otherwise what is the point of this forum? What is the point of keeping at this crazy lifestyle?

Thank goodness you didn't move in with them! As so often happens!

Lots of hugs and love your way.
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  #39  
Old 10-01-2009, 10:38 PM
Karelia Karelia is offline
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Ceoli, I'm sorry for your hurt. I was pulling for you. You are right that you were treated poorly. I can't imagine doing that to K. She deserves too much, even more than I can give her... but your story definitely makes me appreciate that she has far more to lose than we do - though we have a lot to lose, also. No matter how much I love my husband or how much he loves me, we also love her. The third person is almost always likely to be the most vulnerable... but he or she is not without the power to hurt.
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  #40  
Old 10-01-2009, 10:46 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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I find it a peculiar thing to say "the" third person. Because, when there are three people, every one of them is a "third person" from a certain perspective.

Bah. I just don't think the vast majority of people have what it takes to sustain the "triad" relationship-style for very long, regardless of whether we are conditioned by society toward "monogamism" or not. Not to say it isn't possible; it just isn't probable.

And I am quite comfortable in my pessimism, thank you's very much.
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