Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 05-09-2011, 10:30 PM
dreamglyder dreamglyder is offline
New Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 4
Default Embarking on a rocky journey

Hello everyone!

I really find this site helpful and insightful. I have been a bit of a lurker for the last few months and feel it is important for me to post my introduction, so I put a quick hello in the intro section.

I don't often get a good opportunity to post a detailed post, so I would like to do so here. If this is more appropriate for another section and moderators which to move it, so be it.

I am a bisexual male in my early-ish thirties from Canada. I have had a half dozen long term relationships almost back to back since I was 17. In 2009 when I became single again after a 5 year relationship, I decided I wasn't going to commit to a monogamous relationship for a while. Less than a month after becoming single I met C, and told her I wasn't going to commit to monogamy for a while. I needed time. Not long after meeting I started to fall in love with her, but since I fall in love with people kinda fast, I let C know I was going to take things slow to process things and I would still be dating other people. A few months later I met J and also let her know I was dating other people. J was fairly different from C, but I loved being with J.

As I connected so well with C and loved being with J, I dated them for the majority of last year. Both of them knew the others name as a result of a social networking site. As the year continued my career was finally beginning (after a frustrating number of months post graduating with my Masters), in a city a few hours from home. All the while C was creating a lot of drama and frustration as a result of her insecurities etc... while J stuffed most of her insecurities away and was just happy to spend time with me. Life situations continued and it seemed that I was being pressured by C and by other people in my life, that I had to make a choice and stop "dragging it on". C and I "trial separated" for almost a month with little communication and it was clear i missed her, love her, and needed her in my life. An opportunity for C to come to the city I am working in came up and she was going to move in with me. I broke up with J and it devastated me. It devastated J. I broke up someone I love and didn't want to break up with. At this time I informed C and J that I believe that I may be polyamorous, but that I need to try things with C.

Fast forward a few months, and it is clear that I miss J and took every opportunity I could get to spend time with J and our common friends, which was a few times. I still communicate with J, and C knows I do. C knows I still love J. J knows I love C. It became apparent to me that I should explore poly when I move back to my home city (much larger population and a more liberal environment) at the end of my term. I knew I had to talk to C about my thoughts (and have been working through them with a therapist)

C is a jealous type, insecure, and not open to the idea of poly, but knows I feel the need to explore this. Meanwhile J and I have discussed the possibilities of poly life together and is rather excited about the possibility of being together in an open relationship. Enter: pregnancy. Yes, C and I found out last week that she and I are expecting. C has always had baby fever, is nearing 30, decided years ago (before I met her) that she would be a single mom if necessary one day. Also, C may not be able to get pregnant again for health reasons. She also knows that I will be in the child's life regardless of what we decide (abort or keep), and be the best father I can. She also knows that this discovery of being poly isn't going away. C seems to think that I want an abortion. I don't. I just want C to understand that if we keep the baby, it will not resolve the fact that I will be the kind of person that has the personal philosophy of love and embracing love and intimacy with a number of people. I see beauty in sharing love, and appreciating touch and intimacy with more than 1 person. It strengthens what you love about each partner. And the possibility of a few partners being involved with raising my child makes me feel so full of love and possibility. I need to do this.

What now? I don't want to break up with C. I miss J. I feel it is important to explore the possibilities with J. But I can't break up with C. I love her so much. I know this will be challenging with a needy, jealous, pregnant C looking over my shoulder and making drama about everything as she does. It's stressful to her, me, and to little Dreamglyder's healthy development. I want to keep him or her alive.

I'm so overwhelmed with all of this. Any insights and feedback is greatly appreciated.

Reply With Quote

jealous, love, mono, poly, pregnant

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 08:06 AM.