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Old 05-06-2011, 11:53 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

I guess that depends on how strictly you are monogamous. Even when I wasn't poly I was open. By that i mean open in the sense of available to date. Looking back, and reading endless threads on here, I have been very actively dating for ten years. I hung out and went out with girls often. Sometimes dinner, sometimes bars etc. Being strictly monogamous would limit that ability to .. Well.. Talk, flirt, and be me. Purely monogamous I am not.

Monogamy in the sense of fidelity. I have done that a few times, for years at a time. It wouldn't kill me to do it again if I had to. To be honest, I am not even sure how poly I am. I am not a big lover of loving everyone. My ability to love is limited moreso than most poly people. I freely love, but its very.. Vry limited. I have said I love you to only a few people in my life.. And I kind of like it that way haha

You are talking in a lot of absolutes. I can't be poly because of this, monogamy is easier because of this etc. society says this etc

There are no absolutes. Not every poly relationship looks the same, not every structure feels the same, not every society embraces it the same way. Everyone has a choice to do as they see fit, but make it your choice to not be poly... Don't use every bit of your environment around you as a reason. If you love this guy and can commit and won't feel like you lost a piece of yourself (see the use of the Kinsey scale example, it's s great way to think of it) Than by all means, be happily monogamous. My parents did it for 20ish years until my dad died.

In AA they talk a lot about doing things for yourself. Being selfish in regards to your need to be sober. If you become monogamous because of everything around you, but still feel poly. You will end up growing resentful of something/someone. Ensure this is right for you, society and people be damned. also and lastly. If you commit to this guy and you are capable of poly. And find yourself someone to love. How fair is that going to be to your lover? You might find yourself in a situation that is hard to dig out of.

That's my 2 cents haha

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Old 05-06-2011, 11:56 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Oh oh oh.. And one final point.. All relationships are hard. Regardless of the label. Relationships take work, patience and time.

Best of luck
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Old 05-07-2011, 06:41 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

Mono, poly; following your heart is never wrong. I would just warn against absolutes. Mono is not necessarily easier, you may someday find that certain people or a person works in terms of poly for you and you might find that society becomes less judgemental.

I would be open to monogamy if it were to fall in my lap again one day. I've had several long term successful monogamous relationships after all. Its just that right now I don't. My path is yet to be determined and I'm good with that.

Good luck Honestheart. Drop in and say hi sometime
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Old 05-07-2011, 08:29 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

If you're truly bothered that you failed to hold on to yourself and feel the lack of integrity because you sold yourself out, there's only one solution: pay the price to get your integrity back. 'Fess up that you need multiple relationships to feel fulfilled and deal with the consequences.

If you don't need multiple relationships to feel fulfilled, stop beating yourself up over the matter.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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Old 05-08-2011, 02:27 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

If I weren't already in love with two-which didn't happen by "planning to be poly",
I'd choose the same; for the exact same reason.

IT IS easier to just say "fuck it" to the rest of the work and go with the "status quo" of what is "normal".

The problem is-that the heart is a muscle, and mine is strong. It chose two men and thus-"choosing" isn't an option anymore. My mind isn't stronger than my heart.

So, what kind of person does that make me?

"Love As Thou Wilt"
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