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  #31  
Old 09-17-2009, 01:29 AM
pokey pokey is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
So it's been a week and my parents and us are now just emailing back and forth. I have been heart broken, forcing myself to eat and breath. I hate this!

We have managed at this point to at least be on speaking terms around them seeing our son. We have told them we won't deny them access to him and won't keep him from going over there. This is good as it means in his eyes there is nothing of significance going on.

Fortunately my brother took the news differently. He is working on his doctorate in behavioural biology and so saw the whole thing from the view point of human behaviour. Whatever gets him through I guess. At least he's rational and I actually learned something from him. He had a lot of questions that I did my best to answer, such as why we would chose a relationship rather than just having sex with others and how does my husband feel about it all.

My husbands mum rocked! She is totally fine as long as we are happy. She thought it makes total sense in this day and age of cheating and infidelity, the breaking down of families and what comes out of that for the next generation. She is re-married and thought she might of considered our life style had it been an option back then.

And so we muddle through and are managing....

Thanks for all the support and the private messages I am getting. You are all so very kind and I feel so loved.... that's what it's all about isn't it! I honestly feel very surrounded by love and very cared for. I am very fortunate and grateful. It amazes me how good the world can be when we all love each other and help each other through. It makes me feel like there is such hope for us all.
I have been following your thread and hoping things have settled a bit for you. Ironically we had a few posts back and forth in regard to my difficulties with the same sort of issues! I continue to struggle everyday with the constant paranoid feeling that the outside world including my family watches with a suspicious eye. It puts a toll on you for sure. I just think all of my choices are made out of love and it seems so wrong to hide something that is so good. I wish the world would not be so judgemental and realize there is no normal and people can love and be happy in all kinds of situations.
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  #32  
Old 09-17-2009, 05:50 PM
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I remember our posts pokey. I dreaded having to tell them, but now I am glad to be able to settle in again without feeling like I have been deceptive. It feels better than ever.

I have been very sad though at times. It is passing though. With time things are beginning to happen to indicate it will be okay.

Last week I brought my parents flowers from the farmers stand I go to and gave my mum a back pack I have that I know she likes. My Dad thanked me for the flowers but I heard nothing from my Mum until last night. She had given back some items of ours from the property we share and we had heard from the lawyer that she is waiting to make an appointment to sign the property over to them. I was feeling very sad and hopeless at that point but decided to reach out to my Dad and ask him out for coffee. He agreed to after the weekend as he will be away. Later that night my Mum emailed and thanked me for the items I sent and asked if she could come too.

It's a small step, but a step. It's in public so I am hoping that will find away to control the emotions that come up. Hopefully.

I feel as if I am doing what they want in signing the property over, but I would rather have peace than property. Besides, if there is peace then the chances of ever going there again are greater. I wouldn't want to go there if things stayed cold and silent between us. We had such good times there and Mono was included. Maybe we can get back to that? Maybe not... I think there is a better chance the latter if I do as I'm told this time... and cross my fingers that it will be a win win situation.
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  #33  
Old 10-01-2009, 08:04 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Default the silence is loud....!

Just an update for those following...

Well, It's been over a month since my Mum stopped talking to me now. It seems that, according to my Dad, she is determined that she is right and that Mono is a threat to my family and my child. Apparently she has threatened to write me out of her will as she thinks I am going to abandon my child and husband.

Tonight she went to her first counseling appointment under the notion that she would find another companion on her crusade to prove I'm wrong and that my life style is dangerous to her/societies status quo. I hope that this counselor sees through her paranoia and brings her back on track with it being her issue and her misery that causes her grief, not me.

Anyway, I could go on about the nuances of my mother, but I won't.

My point is that I am in mourning over the loss of my mother. I have been in every mourning stage. Disbelief, anger, sadness, denial, and back... I'm exhausted by it. I can't believe she is believing the stories in her head, I am so angry that she has removed herself from all our lives, including my son, I'm sad that she doesn't love me for who I am and is not happy for what I have, I don't believe that she is serious and really doesn't want me in her life. It goes round and around constantly.

My Dad believes some of it also... we did have a relatively good chat over tea, but we fell into the same dynamic of him talking, me listening and then him saying that he thought we were done and it's time to go, before I got to say what I wanted to say. I managed to tell him how our love works and where it comes from, that it wasn't because I lost a child and needed to fill that space and that I am that I am filled with love and happiness in my life and so are my husband and son also.

There is so much work to do.... but just like poly brings out openness and honesty, so has coming out as poly.
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  #34  
Old 10-01-2009, 12:20 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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I wish there was something I could do for you that would help fix it.
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  #35  
Old 10-01-2009, 04:30 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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I wish there was something I could do for you that would help fix it.
Me too.

*hugs*
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  #36  
Old 10-01-2009, 05:56 PM
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Thank you for sharing so much of yourself and your story.
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  #37  
Old 10-02-2009, 05:52 AM
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I don't want anyone to do anything, thanks for thinking you can though

I just thought I should catch people up as it is important to me to be useful... what else of good will come out of it I don't know, but at least it makes me feel better that it might be useful to talk about it.

It's useful in that I can vent a little... thanks for that.
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  #38  
Old 10-02-2009, 08:54 AM
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I'm sorry your Mom's still not speaking to you. Do you have any idea how the therapy session went at all via your dad?
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  #39  
Old 10-02-2009, 09:25 AM
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Sunshinegrl Sunshinegrl is offline
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Im sad to hear that your Mum hasnt moved past all this. And I am Hoping that in time as she continues to see how this relationship does work ( even from a distance) for you and your family that she will come around.
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  #40  
Old 10-02-2009, 05:48 PM
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I don't know yet. The silence continues.

My mum is much like me in terms of determination. If she thinks she is right (and she does about everything) then it could be monthes before she let's it go. It will take her realizing that either she gives up her fight to get us to say she is right and swearing we will never be poly again, or realizing that she misses us in her life and that she has done this to herself. We will see what wins out. It could be a very long time.

I don't forsee ever being close to her again actually. I am imagining a future whereby I have to fight with her to do anything in terms of her future care. She is almost 70 and will be one of those bitchy hard done by old ladies who never dealt with their shit when they were younger and now takes it out on everyone around. I think anyway. Grrrreeat!

Maybe I should move out of town. Like across the country so my brother has to deal with her. He was always a mumma's boy and she has always adored him. I was always more of an annoyance as I apparently misbehaved. Really I was just a girl child who was first in order of children trying to get my mothers attention and affection because I never got any. I'm making up for that double time now with my men. Apparently that is wrong. Really I have never had so much attention, unconditional love and support as I do now. Maybe she should just let me be and let me heal from my childhood as is my responsibility as a result.

Sorry, I'm off! I get very angry and defensive lately. I am really very hurt and I apoligize if that comes out here.

I am just so sick of people whining about stuff. A little whining is of course normal and understandable, but we owe it to ourselves and those around us to get on with life and create what we need. I have done that and am now working on creating a mindset whereby I can live, for good without my mothers attention. In the mean time learning how not to do that with my own child.

Always a struggle and always something to work on. So I'm staying on task.

Thanks for listening.
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