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Old 05-05-2011, 02:49 AM
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Erin Erin is offline
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Question Sex therapists - good or bad idea?

My girlfriend and I are in a debate...

What is your view on going to see a certified sex therapist for a possible sex addiction or generalized relationship confusion?

Good idea or bad idea? Other suggestions for help?

Thanks!
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Old 05-05-2011, 03:09 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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I view therapists like a third person. Their purpose is to give you a perspective (ideally skilled) you may not have thought of, or to offer mediation or compromise..

I think it can be useful if there are problems you can't solve.

Sex therapists specifically.. Not too sure, ummmm... Depends on how much they help? Hah
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Old 05-05-2011, 04:12 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Erin, I hope you don't think you're addicted to sex because you want it more than once a month!

I have only been to regular therapists, not sex therapists. But I do know a couple who have gone to sex therapists and felt it helped them very much. They got much more comfortable with expressing what they wanted to each other, and learned new things!

But yeah, a third party who has training to observe how two people relate to each other is always helpful for gaining perspective and getting out of the "trees" view to see the whole forest!
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Old 05-06-2011, 02:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I hope you don't think you're addicted to sex because you want it more than once a month!
Ha ha! Oh no, that's not why I made an appointment for the middle this month... She's certified in sex therapy, so I'm going to give it a whirl because I really need a professional's opinion on a bunch of other stuff, too. I think it's almost required at this point if I'm going to move forward in a healthy way for myself, for him, and my relationship. Does that make sense?
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Old 05-06-2011, 03:41 AM
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It probably couldn't hurt!

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Old 05-06-2011, 04:48 AM
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I agree - a little advice never hurts! Looking forward to a healthy new start
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Old 05-06-2011, 01:34 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Hey Erin,

I think therapy is largely about education. It's (as Ari said) much about getting some different perspective and information that may not have occurred to us. And sex is certainly something that has been shrouded and hush/hush for many people.
Talking openly with a knowledgeable person can't do any harm.

Good luck.

GS
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Old 05-06-2011, 05:25 PM
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Yes GS, a little education is always good. I want to know why I'm such a fiend and he isnt... and how to find balance so we can have a lasting relationship. I'd sure like an open marriage for both of us, though. Maybe it really is like they say... I'm in my dirty thirties! lol

Last edited by Erin; 05-07-2011 at 02:57 AM.
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Old 05-08-2011, 03:58 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Erin View Post
Yes GS, a little education is always good. I want to know why I'm such a fiend and he isnt... and how to find balance so we can have a lasting relationship. I'd sure like an open marriage for both of us, though. Maybe it really is like they say... I'm in my dirty thirties! lol
Well Erin, I think in the majority of cases our pervert-o-meter is set where we are raised. The culture, exposure to various options etc. One persons kink is another persons vanilla.
For some people the part of sex that equates to the soft, fuzzy, bonding closeness dominates. It's what they learned, what they feel they are 'missing' etc.
And yea, in some cases, it's simply that they never were exposed to the huge variety of possibilities before things started to solidify in their brains. Sometimes getting this exposure will open doors (some we wish were never opened), sometimes it goes the other way. i.e. total disgust and shutdown.

And I think there's a few that are at the point of 'been there-done that-ho/hum'.

Depends on the individual and their history. You'll have to dig into his and hopefully he'll open it up to you to understand.

But a common bottom line is that your desires are going to differ even after the investigation concludes. That's when the fun begins, trying to find an acceptable solution that fulfills you both !

Good luck !

GS
GS
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Old 05-11-2011, 07:52 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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I think therapy can always be a useful place for growth-- but then I'm studying to be a therapist so I am biased.

I will let you know that there is a big divide in the sex therapy community about the term "sex addiction". Most sex therapists don't believe in being addicted to sex-- although one can use sex (sometimes unhealthily) to cover up for other issues, and one can be exhibiting out of control behaviors (drinking, lying, etc) that are done in conjunction with sexual behavior.

Many times people will latch on to the idea of "sex addiction" because it is an easy way to make something an "illness", or something "beyond one's control" that you can get help for. It's easier than, say, looking into the individuals, their pasts, their relationship, their communication styles and how all of that affects their sexual relationship.

And often, when there is a discrepency in desire between partners-- the term "sex addiction" comes up to describe the individual with the higher sex drive as if that now "explains" it and now we have a problem that can be solved.

I say this knowing that I know nothing about your specific situation. I will tell you that most therapists (especially sex and couples therapists) get many people each month coming in having diagnosed one of the partners with "sex addiction" or "porn addiction", etc. It's the new catch phrase for sexual disorders.

I'd say, rather than go in with a self-diagnosis, just go in with the issues at hand. The therapist will be able to ask questions and get more information and help you with figuring out what you need. Good luck!
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