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Old 05-06-2011, 06:59 AM
Pooka's Avatar
Pooka Pooka is offline
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Turkey
Posts: 17
Default first serious relationship, NRE, fear of losing; help appreciated

hi there =)

I am a 29 years old male from Turkey, living with my girlfriend with whom I have been together for almost three and a half years.

I have never been in a polyamorous relationship until this one but I always felt right when thinking of such since some 5-6 years ago. almost since the beginning of our relationship -app. 3 years ago- I have unveiled my desire to be polyamorous to my girlfriend. and since that time I have tried to encourage her towards understanding and even accepting the same for herself.

I am bisexual and I was the first to have a -mostly- sexual relationship with a male queer friend of ours nearly one year ago. only on two occasions we actually made sex. then she had one such sexual relationship with another male. I had a semi-romantic relationship with a girl friend of ours then.

we had slight to moderate problems with these, able to overcome them with ease at the end.

now, things are different and that was why I sought out some help online. you are very welcome to advice on this:

we are involved with an lgbt rights association here since some years ago, and all our outside relations have been within that sub-culture. it is the same now, except I currently do not have anyone except her and she just began -for the first time for both us- a thrilling emotional relationship with a boy (female-to-male transgender to be accurate) and I have felt very much alone since two weeks ago when they started.

he is from another city, we knew him from the same lgbt rights movement and they spent a night together two weeks ago for the first time. since then I felt so alone and deserted, with her head in the clouds, messaging, chatting -mostly out of my sight. it is stronger than what we anticipated to face at this level of polyamory experience.

after much buildup and patience I tried to exercise, two nights ago we finally experienced a serious bump after she ignored me for hours at the nightclub, closing her eyes and most probably thinking of him (we had quite a buzz that night). some drunk acquaintance girl came up to us and said out of thin air: you should break up.

I cried that night when we got home immediately after that incident. we then talked about it a lot, I told her I am afraid and would do better with more care from her, she calmed me saying she loves me so much and never thinks of letting me go.

things are better now, I know this is due to NRE - new relationship energy. and with a long distance relationship as this, it may be much stronger and long-lasting.

we are closer now, seeing our own faults in other areas of our relationship (at least I do) and showing more care to what we do for each other. I love her like crazy. she tries to be understanding and I try to be patient, try not to be afraid of losing her.

I'm not very good with terms maybe this should be called open relationship, some of you will know better. that's what I wanted since the beginning and it is me who encouraged us to the point where we are now. that's thrilling.

yet I cannot say I am totally calm and cool now. I am afraid but I think I must overcome it.

please comment friends =)

Last edited by Pooka; 05-06-2011 at 01:39 PM.
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