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Old 05-04-2011, 08:21 AM
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
Posts: 718

Hi Jen!
I'm really glad to see this comment. It's been so long since the last time that you posted here, and I was worrying that things had gone screwy for the 2 of you. Especially since the last post said that things were getting worse, not better.

Every time I log on here I check to see if you or BeoDude have added anything. I so hope that things work out for you.

I'd be happy for you if you could both be happy with a monogamous relationship, even though I would miss your input on this board. But it's clear that you, Jen, wouldn't really be happy: that would only be a case of "papering over the cracks". And that would mean that Beo also wouldn't be happy. Because it's important to him that you are.

Once again I have to express my deep respect for the immense effort that Beo is putting into trying to come to accept a reality that is painful for him. I suspect that he isn't bi (and neither am I), but could you give him this HUG from me?
Originally Posted by JenAgain View Post
Still hanging in there.. still having ups and downs.
Welcome to Life! (Glad to read that there are ups.)
Originally Posted by JenAgain View Post
we at least have a common goal.
Originally Posted by JenAgain View Post
We both want hubby to be able to accept it. It makes me happy that he wants to try, for both of us. I appreciate it more than he could possibly know. It's still hard though. I think his biggest hang up is the thought of me having sex with somebody else. It makes him sick to his stomach.
When I think of hubby having sex with somebody else, it doesn't bother me, in fact, I'm almost turned on by it. I don't see it as being equal to the sex that we have though.
Wouldn't it be nice if Beo could either
a) fall in love with someone else himself? or
b) get turned on by the fact of you being turned on by someone else and that making you more turned on with Beo and the whole thing spiralling into some high stratum of ecstacy?

But - for the noo (as the Scots say) - neither of these look too likely.
Originally Posted by JenAgain View Post
On the J front [...] I want to be happy for him. I still miss him and spending time with him. I see him here and there and it's always friendly and I feel a small sense of relief.
This is generous of you. Some people would become bitter. Quick - while Beo's not looking - another HUG for you from me!
Originally Posted by JenAgain View Post
I also find I'm missing NRE, and what it brought to my relationship with hubby. I wonder why I can't feel that way without having somebody else involved. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me, because I love and am attracted to hubby every day.. but as far as the sex goes, that animalistic urge that came with NRE just isn't there. Maybe part of it was my elation with hubby's acceptance at the time? Maybe knowing how it turns his stomach now, makes me also look negatively at it, even though I feel like it's something I can't help.
Jen, you don't need my saying this, because you're writing about a niggling feeling and on another level you know that there's nothing wrong with you. And I believe that Beo knows that as well...
Originally Posted by JenAgain View Post
[...] I apologize if things were jumping around!
Apology NOT accepted... because that would be acknowledging that there is anything for which you should apologise. And there isn't.

Warm affection to the both of you,
J (no, not that J!)
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marriage, mono poly, mono/poly, poly mono, secondary

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