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Old 05-02-2011, 05:48 PM
Arase Arase is offline
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Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 2
Default Young and Confused-HELP

Hi there! I am completely new to being poly...I need some serious advice here. i am married and have a young child. I recently decided I needed something to release some of my feelings of being trapped and discussed being able to see someone on the side with my husband. I do feel this may be from being a young mom and being married very young. I love my husband very much, but I feel like this works for me. He told me that if I feel like i need to do this than he would stand by me, his only concern was obviously neglecting my family or getting pregnant. I assured him that my family will always come first, and serious protection against pregnancy would always be important. Now my problem is my husband sometimes has trouble being straight up honest with me, so I have asked him several times if he is sure that he is okay with it. He said he isnt fully okay with it because he doesnt see it as "normal" but as long as i am coming home to him every night and still love him than he is ok. I am seeing someone on the side now, it is more of a good friends with benefits kind of thing and he knows of my husband and out agreement.

I just really need some advice on this..help!
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Old 05-02-2011, 09:18 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083


It sounds like you're off to a good start. You've been honest with your hubs, got the go-ahead, know what his reservations/boundaries are, and are moving forward. A few questions: How long were you and hubs discussing it before you began seeing your lover? How long have you and your lover been involved? Is it just a FWB type thing or a more substantial relationship to you?

What specifically do you need advice with?
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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Old 05-02-2011, 09:29 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

Invite your husband to join the board-so he can talk to other people dealing with his experiences and not feel so "abnormal" or feel that you and the sitiuation are abnormal.

Read the book "Opening Up" with your husband and use the lists in it to iron out some "safe boundaries" for each of you.

Welcome to the board.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 05-04-2011, 02:23 AM
Arase Arase is offline
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Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 2

My husband and i have been talking about for a few months and I've only been seeing my lover/ friend for a week. U just need advice on how I'm feeling. I grew up thinking this is wrong... I feel lost
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