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Old 05-03-2011, 10:23 PM
Aeon's Avatar
Aeon Aeon is offline
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 17
Default How much to discuss beforehand??

I've been talking to a man I met online (who also as it turns out works for the same university that I do and has an office a few buildings away from me). I was very leery at first mostly because of our work proximity, but after we met I was reassured, since it turns out we've both worked here for ages and never run into each other.

I've also decided to take things verrrry slowly. I've been thinking a lot about what my "needs" are and also my communication preferences. I like a lot of communication (daily emails or texts) and at least once a week face to face time or sleeping over. That's at least what I can tell for now, that may change in regard to the person or how much I'm working, or if and when I become a Mom.

So I'm meeting this guy again on Thursday for lunch. I'm wondering how much to spell it out to him, this is what I want or need? Will that be weird or is it just smart in terms of putting it out there and weeding out folks who are not on the same wavelength?

My FWB, C, only makes plans at the last minute and we often go days without communication, it drives me crazy and I don't like the not knowing what is going on. My other partner, D, LOOOOVEs to communicate and we talk or IM every day and see each other once a week. It often gets overwhelming but I have been able to talk about that with him and set boundaries.

This new potential person is not poly as far as i can tell but is not mono either. He is right between C and D in terms of communication. I get attached very quickly to people so I don't want to spend much more time getting to know the new guy only to have to break it off because he's not communicating enough with me. But maybe that is exactly what I have to do? And not try to force things?

any insights would be great, thanks!
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