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Old 09-30-2009, 06:02 AM
live4themusic live4themusic is offline
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I think she might be willing to give it a try if she feels she could be interested in them for a couple of reasons:

-one is a previous incident early on in our relationship (which of a 5-month relationship I guess means the first month). It's a long story that might be out of place here, but I guess I'll skim over it: A girl who I was friends with (and had had some sexual contact with prior to my relationship with Mary, but who leans toward lesbianism despite generally identifying as bi) was at a pool party I was hosting. Mary and this girl, let's call her Minnie, started making out in the pool, one thing led to another, and we all ended up sleeping in the same bed that night, although the sexual contact was pretty much between myself and Mary, and Minnie and Mary, not between me and Minnie. Minnie actually fell pretty hard for Mary, I told both of them at separate times that I of course had no objections to them dating (and both of them separately told me they would be comfortable with that arrangement as well) and they went on a date. About a week later during a night out, Mary confided in me that Minnie had asked Mary to leave me for her (because she couldn't handle sharing her or something), and that Mary had told Minnie she believed they should just be friends if possible. (this actually ended my friendship with Minnie as far as I was concerned cause that seems like a pretty low move on any friend's part to me)

-the other thing is, I think Mary's fear of a polyamorous arrangement stems mostly from her fear of abandonment or being left. She takes medication for rejection anxiety, and every time the subject comes up she gets extremely hurt because she equates the possibility that I might want to date another woman as meaning I might get tired of her and want to leave her for another woman. I think if she was comfortable with the fact that I would only even consider it if she would also be comfortable with it and could possibly love the new interest, she would be ok with the idea and willing to at least give it a try if the situation came up. This would be the difference for her between opening up to the possibility of sharing (or competing as she views it) for my love, and just bringing more love into the relationship (which she would also be part of)

I think if I met someone else I think would be a good addition to the relationship, if Mary felt differently I would lose interest in that person. If I really believe down the line that Mary is vetoing prospects out of seriously and permanently being wired monogamously, we may be better off dealing with that difference then.

I'm sure this is all very confusing. I've probably spent hundreds of hours trying to figure out myself, Mary, and our relationship, but it definitely helps to have feedback from other people with similar understandings of relationships. This forum is definitely helping me see that even if things don't end up working out between Mary and I, at least there ARE people like me and I'm not completely crazy or hopeless in the world of love because of the way I am. Thank you all!

Last edited by live4themusic; 09-30-2009 at 06:04 AM.
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