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  #11  
Old 04-25-2011, 04:46 PM
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Originally Posted by JameeDee View Post
I've got a thread going on the board. You should read it. Maybe we can help each other.
I will absolutely check your thread. See you over there! Feel free to contact me through the private-message thing if there's stuff you'd like to discuss.
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  #12  
Old 04-25-2011, 05:32 PM
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Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Fidelity only within the group? Poly-fi means you limit your sexual and emotional connections to include only the three of you.
.
Right, that's what I meant. I wrote in haste. "Fidelity only within the group" sounds like it could encompass infidelity outside the group, but no, we're talking about the same thing: monogamous marriage but with three people instead of two. I still think I like "equilateral triad" better than "poly-fi" because of the Marine thing, but it's good to know where I fit in the vast heap of new terminology that the poly community, which I guess I'm part of now, seems to have generated.
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  #13  
Old 04-25-2011, 07:12 PM
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Hello, I live with my two loves and although the sleeping arrangements are different, we still operate in terms of a team. When we have conflicts of any significant measure, we use our Non-violent communication skills... you can look in the "communication workshop" thread to find out more or do a search on your favourite search engine.. I think its a sticky? or do a tag search for communication.

Basically the theory of NVC is based on empathy/consideration/compassion for those you are communicating with. Staying in control of selfish emotions and using a dash of sarcastic humour really does wonders for us. Everything is out in the open pretty much all the time. I ask the guys constantly how they are doing, if they feel they are spending enough time with me, and make plans well into the future that are fluid and give us something to look forward to.

As to household decisions? Well, that is a longer process, but comes from the same way of speaking to each other, checking in to what their thoughts are and negotiating constantly.

Have you looked around your community to see if you can find a group to hook up with? Maybe start your own group? Even if you put the word out and get a few people to go out for a drink one night a month, that would be something to start on. I'm a full believer in creating what would sustain myself in life. If I need something, I create it. If you need support, figure out how you would like to see that manifest and do it.

Anyway, you have us here. Maybe that is enough for now?
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  #14  
Old 04-26-2011, 01:02 AM
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Originally Posted by PolyNewbie View Post
Children: no. None. No plans. Not gonna happen. She has a dog and we have cats, which actually does present some interesting territorial issues, but I'll ask about those on a pet forum.
As someone who has always been childfree by choice, I find this stance refreshing! Not only are you bucking the system as far as monogamy and couplehood goes, but you have chosen not to procreate as well. I think being childfree will make it easier for you all to relate as equals - just a hunch I have. I really don't have anything else to contribute, as I've never been and likely never will be in a triad, but I had to stop by and acknowledge that. And to say, "Welcome!"
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  #15  
Old 04-27-2011, 05:04 PM
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As I can fully attest, every triad experience will be different.

Regarding conflicts...the 2 against 1 situation is inevitable. It's all in how you handle it. You definitely don't want anyone feeling bullied. But take a practical look into it. M has said that me and C don't agree on a lot, so if we both agree he has done something wrong, he believes it!

Also regarding conflicts...if you're mad at one partner, don't drag the other into it. Also, don't storm out of the house...the other partner will be just as hurt. (Maybe more so, since she didn't do anything wrong.)

Another piece of advice is work hard on communicating. If you head out and tell partner 1 you're making an errand run to the hardware store, don't forget to tell partner 2! Or, don't decide with one partner "Hey let's eat pizza tonight" and then totally leave out the other in the decision-making process. We've had that type of confusion a few times and it's a pain in the butt.

I've mentioned this article in another thread, but I absolutely love it. "Tips for Triads": http://sexgeek.wordpress.com/2010/03...ks-for-triads/
I've yet to find better advice than that one!
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  #16  
Old 04-27-2011, 05:12 PM
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Thanks for that link, RfromRMC! I can use all the tips I can get.
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  #17  
Old 04-27-2011, 07:48 PM
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Thank you so much! I love the article. I'll share it with my partners/spouses/co-conspirators/whatever right away. Very helpful indeed!
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  #18  
Old 04-27-2011, 08:24 PM
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I am right there with ya polynewbie, that was my first experience with that type of relationship and I had no idea what to call it. We are no longer but I'm the wife looking for a girlfriend, just because I feel like I need that closeness of a female friend whom I love and care for physically. My husband understands and we both miss our girlfriend. I wish you the best of luck!
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  #19  
Old 04-27-2011, 10:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Tapahtyn View Post
I am right there with ya polynewbie, that was my first experience with that type of relationship and I had no idea what to call it. We are no longer but I'm the wife looking for a girlfriend, just because I feel like I need that closeness of a female friend whom I love and care for physically. My husband understands and we both miss our girlfriend. I wish you the best of luck!
Sorry things didn't work out for you, and my best wishes for starting a new relationship soon.

Can I ask why it didn't work out? Or, let me phrase that differently: were the reasons why things didn't work out anything that might be instructive for others in similar relationships, or were they so personal and specific to the individuals involved that they wouldn't be interesting to anyone else?
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  #20  
Old 04-27-2011, 10:16 PM
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I think honestly it first didn't work out because we didn't know that we were getting ourselves into that type of relationship. She is a lesbian even though she really did love my husband and viseversa,and we kinda broke the intitmate part off, maybe just a little overwhelming for us? IDK. she was gone for 8 months in another relationship, came back for 2 weeks and then wanted to try and patch things up. I really miss her, she had even mentioned letting my husband be with her and I told her that was totally fine as long as she never felt pressured into anything, and then she told me she wasn't ready for a relationship. I've not heard from her in almost 3 weeks
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