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  #41  
Old 04-26-2011, 04:42 AM
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Pinky1223 Pinky1223 is offline
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Hi Everybody!
I am Jamee's G/F..........Just wanted to say Hello
Thanks for helping to keep my girl sane thru all the craziness we've been living lately.....I think we are finally learning to work thru things together without wanting to throw in the towel every time something new comes up!! Yay!!
Its amazing how your whole life can change in an instant....For the first time in my life I get to love two people and be loved by two people at the same time....its overwhelming, amazing, frustrating, exciting, and a little crazy........but at the end of the day....It's WORTH it!!
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  #42  
Old 04-26-2011, 07:39 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Originally Posted by JameeDee View Post
I believe, his issue is mostly with Pinky's kids. He is an only child and is used to having everything to himself. He's a pretty quiet kid and is not very outgoing. He likes to play video games and chat with his g/f on Xbox...and that's about it. He's not a fan of kids at all. Pinky's kids are 3, 8 and 13. Sometimes we have "family night" and everyone is over - the first couple of times it was all ok, now it's "annoying." he's 16 - everything is annoying. lol
Woot, you can chat with XBox these days ?

Teenagers have rooms where they can bolt themselves up and exist for weeks at a time with very little input from the outside world. Maybe telling him it's okay if he gets a little overwhelmed during 'family time' to take a breather and close the door behind him?

And hullo, Pinky!
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  #43  
Old 04-26-2011, 08:06 AM
vodkafan vodkafan is offline
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This is a nice thread to read.
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  #44  
Old 04-27-2011, 05:23 PM
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Very glad to read that y'all are hangin' in there!

I'll add one bit about jealousy...it never fully goes away. But what really helps for me is to stop and think "Is this jealousy coming out of selfishness?" And you know what? For me, 9 times outta 10, it is! I have to stop and tell myself "Don't be selfish! They deserve some fun too!"
If it's real bad, I'll just tell my partners..."Hey...I felt a little left out yesterday. It's not your fault...it's just me....but can I be the center of attention tonight please? I'd really appreciate it." With that calm, up-front honesty and sincerity, the results are great.
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  #45  
Old 05-02-2011, 08:32 PM
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Originally Posted by RfromRMC View Post
Very glad to read that y'all are hangin' in there!

I'll add one bit about jealousy...it never fully goes away. But what really helps for me is to stop and think "Is this jealousy coming out of selfishness?" And you know what? For me, 9 times outta 10, it is!
I struggle with jealousy sometimes and being the girlfriend of 2 married people, I do feel left out sometimes because there are things they share within their relationship that I am not and will never be part of, just like there are things that I share with each one of them individually. It is very natural to want all of your lover's attention but you have to learn to rationalize and really look at the validity of your feelings when you AND your lover have more than one lover. So I have learned to do the same thing....I've learned to step back and say..."Is this legitimate or am I being insecure and selfish?" and most of the time I am just being selfish. It's like, I want my time alone with each of them and with all of us together, but I get jealous when they have time alone? How silly is that? Me being with them alone or together doesn't make them love each other any less, so why would spending time alone without me make them love me any less? It doesn't! If anything, it makes them miss me, which isn't always such a bad thing when you all come back together ALSO, I am with two people that remind me daily how much they love me and do their best to never make me feel left out of anything in their life. In reality, 90% of the time, I'm getting double the attention, not half....so in the end...the amount of love and attention I receive far out weighs those temporary moments of jealousy and insecurity.
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  #46  
Old 05-03-2011, 02:51 AM
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MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Wow! I've just read through the whole thread from start to finish. (I admit that I skimmed pretty briskly over some comments: it's nearly 4:30am and I should have been in bed hours ago.) Bit of a roller coaster! It started out great... hubby and gf are fighting... I can't handle this, we're calling it quits... I'm not happy like this, either, I miss her...

I am so glad that you're all giving it a chance! (and hey: Hi, Pinky! Glad you added to this thread.) Not because poly is right for everyone, but because you all really seem to love each other and it would be a real shame to let old wounds keep you from present and future happiness - even if that happiness needs to be worked at.

Jamee, do you think that you could ask the other 2 to hold you in their arms (at the same time), maybe rock you gently back and forth and croon: "We are NOT your father: we will NOT abandon you. You mean too much to both of us for us to do something stupid like that..."

There are three main reasons for abandonment
a) ceasing to love somebody,
b) continuing to love them, but feeling that you need to be on your own in order to grow,
c) discovering that you've found somebody else to love.

c) If your husband and gf have each found somebody else to love, in both cases it's not somebody that they feel they have to leave you for, in order for them to be together.
b) Well, there's all the potential for growth anyone could ask for in making this thing work... and work well.
a) It could happen. It does happen to others all the time. But there's no reason for it to happen because of your polyamorous trango. ("It takes 3 to trango.")

In my opinion, most couples breaking up is either for reason #1: c) or #2: a). And in the case of a), it's often a case of boredom. Polyamory has its own problems... but it ain't boring!

+++

As for your son: you might hint to him that he could feel pretty special and proud for having parents on the cutting edge of exploring new forms of relating...
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  #47  
Old 05-05-2011, 04:44 PM
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JameeDee JameeDee is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight View Post
Jamee, do you think that you could ask the other 2 to hold you in their arms (at the same time), maybe rock you gently back and forth and croon: "We are NOT your father: we will NOT abandon you. You mean too much to both of us for us to do something stupid like that..."
Mr. FarFrom Right - this brought tears to my eyes. I can tell that you really have thought about me and my feelings here, and that touches me. Thanks so much. I'm ready to give it a shot!

Quote:
+++
As for your son: you might hint to him that he could feel pretty special and proud for having parents on the cutting edge of exploring new forms of relating...
HA! I love this!!! Although he is way too cool right now to give us credit for being cutting edge. LOL
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  #48  
Old 05-05-2011, 07:26 PM
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MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JameeDee View Post
Mr. FarFrom Right - this brought tears to my eyes. I can tell that you really have thought about me and my feelings here, and that touches me. Thanks so much. I'm ready to give it a shot!
Aw, shucks!
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Originally Posted by JameeDee View Post
HA! I love this!!! Although he is way too cool right now to give us credit for being cutting edge. LOL
If he`s so cool, ask him if he could handle being in this situation! (I'll see your cool and raise you 2 cools...)
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If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson

Last edited by MrFarFromRight; 05-05-2011 at 07:30 PM.
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  #49  
Old 05-08-2011, 06:53 AM
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Pinky1223 Pinky1223 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight View Post
do you think that you could ask the other 2 to hold you in their arms (at the same time), maybe rock you gently back and forth and croon: "We are NOT your father: we will NOT abandon you. You mean too much to both of us for us to do something stupid like that..."
I have withheld the urge to say this sooner and finally Jamee has said that I can be the perv that she knows I am and say this........
When I first read this portion of your post, I thought.......
We do this already...the crooning and rocking and all....but we have our clothes off and we don't ever mention Jamee's Dad.....that would be so creepy
But we're gonna try it this way...with our clothes on....if it'll help my girl out!!!
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  #50  
Old 07-08-2011, 02:31 PM
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JameeDee JameeDee is offline
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Wow! I can't believe it's been almost three months since my last postings.

So much has happened, I don't even know where to begin.

We have had ups and downs lately. Including a short stretch with LOTS of downs, but WE MADE IT! Our bond grows stronger each and every day. I think we can really do this

My next big hurdle is telling my Mother. EEK!

The plan is to get some coffee this weekend, take a ride thru the country and lay it out there. Can someone talk me out of this? lol Kidding. My mother and I are pretty close. I think she will be ok with it eventually, if not immediately. But I am dreading it. I'm an only child, the "golden" child. I am afraid she will never look at me the same again. Is that rational? Probably not, but I am such a great procrastinator that I can make myself believe it. :P

Any suggestions? I have no idea how to begin this conversation. This is what I've come up with...

"so, you know my friend Pinky.....Yeah. she's swell. I really like her....a lot....and hubby does too."

"have you ever met someone you felt you've known all your life....."

"You know how you always wanted more grandkids?"

"this is gonna sound really wierd, but....Hubby and I have decided to bring another girl with three kids into our family. Yeah, we're fucking. All of us."


Love you guys! You make me feel slightly normal
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