"Stop me if you've heard this one" - clichés we've heard from non-polys

[MrFarFromRight]

Originally Posted by sage

Thanks for the quoting instructions MFFR

Firstly I didn't say ALL monos feel this way. I was giving it as an answer to your question about why people can't understand how you can love more than one person.

Interesting that you read my post and can say things like 'co-dependence' and "women who love too much'. I've had monos tell me that I'm 'just not that into Z' because I can 'stand' to let him have another love. Of course they also question whether he's 'that into me'.

Tonberry I deliberately didn't extend the quote to cover interchangeability. I do get that and I do understand how you could be offended.

Dear Sage,
No offence meant, believe me! It took me about half an hour to write you the PM with tips on how to quote because it was about 4:40am after a day of many-mistakes hitch-hiking and a week of sleeping VERY few hours each night. I kept dozing off at the keyboard and having to read through the PM each time I woke up again, trying to work out what in hell I was trying to say...

I wrote my last comment on this thread JUST before that, so you can imagine that my brain wasn't at its fittest.

I didn't mean to apply that you have a particularly serious problem, but the way you describe the intensity of your suffering (is it like this every time Z is away?) compared to what I feel is rather pronounced. (And I repeat that I wonder if there isn't something not-very-healthy about the low level of my libido [though 2 women have remarked on - I believe that one said that she was somewhat scared by - my "intensity": the strength of my feelings].)

I think that - for me - if I suffered as much as you describe (searching the bed all night for a lover I knew wasn't there, wanting to rip someone's clothes off after an absence of 2 weeks) I would be worried.

[sage]

I didn't mean I personally 'suffer' like this all the time. In fact it was actually Z who text me this morning (he is away) and said he had tried to find me in the bed all night. But I don't sleep well away from him either. What I was trying to convey is that this depth of feeling is what our culture holds up as the ultimate relationship. And even though it may be a cultural thing the feelings are very real. Maybe we should be asking which came first the feelings or the cultural expectation?

When I left my husband I wanted a great relationship, I felt like I'd experienced just about everything else. At that time I didn't consider myself Mono but once I fell in love with Z I developed all the classic mono feelings and I've had to work my way through them. We are very connected and I consider it a very healthy relationship. I've had an unhealthy relationship so I think I know the difference.

You really don't have to keep yourself awake at night to answer my posts. :-)

[MrFarFromRight]

Originally Posted by sage

You really don't have to keep yourself awake at night to answer my posts. :-)

I'm just a polyamory.com junkie!

[JameeDee]

Originally Posted by kettlingur

"Wouldn't it just be easier to screw around like everyone else??"
Easier? Probably. More fulfilling? No way!

This one kills me! Why should we all sneak and lie and such when it is not necessary? Lying is bad. My momma taught me that!

[TruckerPete]

Originally Posted by JameeDee

This one kills me! Why should we all sneak and lie and such when it is not necessary? Lying is bad. My momma taught me that!

Lying is bad, but some people would have you believe that telling the truth is worse!

[MrFarFromRight]

Originally Posted by TruckerPete

Lying is bad, but some people would have you believe that telling the truth is worse!

Don't ask, don't tell, don't worry, don't think, don't imagine, don't hope...

[Karma]

Originally Posted by TruckerPete

Lying is bad, but some people would have you believe that telling the truth is worse!

Nope. Tried that bit once, it failed dramatically Truth is much easier to manage.

[paschendale]

"[My boyfriend's] being a cheating, lying selfish hound dog (apologies to those with four legs and floppy ears!) and you're better off without him. "

"I'd say [my boyfriend and his secondary] are both pond scum. Since they deserve each other anyhow, why not let 'em go have at it? Then, find yourself a new bf and bff, and make sure they know all about how wonderful they are, once you do. "

"I think he's looking for an excuse to cheat."

Just some of the things people said when I came out on another forum.

[BornEmpathinVirgo]

"you just probably will never be ready to commit to anyone"

my response..."commitment doesnt equal monogamy only"

[TruckerPete]

"Indigo must be a saint."

Well he is, but not for the reasons you think.