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  #31  
Old 04-22-2011, 06:32 PM
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JameeDee JameeDee is offline
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thanks, Carma...That means so much right now.
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  #32  
Old 04-23-2011, 03:20 AM
vodkafan vodkafan is offline
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We didn't tell our kids anything for about 2 months, they were getting very stressed out ....things were very much better after we told them. I suggest telling him everything, then if he needs to ask any questions he can in his own time.
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  #33  
Old 04-23-2011, 05:51 PM
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Agreeing with vodkafan, be honest in terms of the love aspect I think. I don't think you need to boggle him with poly jargon, love he will understand.
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  #34  
Old 04-25-2011, 04:48 PM
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Jamee, I am dying to know what is going on with your boy! Please update.
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  #35  
Old 04-25-2011, 05:28 PM
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Hi Jamee. Thanks for responding on my thread. After reading through yours, I don't have a lot to add to what others have said. In my little burgeoning poly-fi triad (see, I learned the right term!), we don't seem to be having jealousy issues. Or at least, if we're having them, they're buried deeply enough that I'm not picking up on them, which is a slightly scary thought, but the reality is that we all (that's me, my wife of 20+ years, and woman we've known about a year) all seem to be fine with what's happening.

Even so, all three of us have occasional thoughts along the lines of "are we completely delusional for thinking that this could ever possibly work?" We can't think of any reasons why it wouldn't, right now, but it's so new and different and fraught with unknowns that we just wonder if we're overlooking something that will be obvious in retrospect when we're all sitting in the lawyer's office signing dissolution agreements. Given that that's been our experience when things have gone so relatively placidly for us, I'm really impressed with you for deciding to hang in there and try to make it work when there are real visible potential problems. It's good for me to hear that, because it lets me know how important a relationship like this can be to someone else, which in turn makes me feel less crazy for having mine be as important to me as it is. If that makes any sense.

Anyway, best of luck to you and I really hope things work out for all of us.
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  #36  
Old 04-25-2011, 05:29 PM
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I got home from work on Friday and had a talk with my son. I started out by telling him that I was sorry he overheard and assured him that I was fully aware of what was going on. There is no need for him to think that Hubby is doing something that I don't approve of. I also let him know that if he ever has any questions, he can ask me whatever he needs to. I told him that this was a new situation for all of us and I know it is not average. All we can do is work thru it together. In order to work thru it, we all have to communicate. Oh, and he can't hate my girlfriend. He laughed.

Luckily for me, he is a very open-minded kid. He's got a good friend at school who has two moms, and another friend who has come out to him as bi, so he is not completely shocked.

I believe, his issue is mostly with Pinky's kids. He is an only child and is used to having everything to himself. He's a pretty quiet kid and is not very outgoing. He likes to play video games and chat with his g/f on Xbox...and that's about it. He's not a fan of kids at all. Pinky's kids are 3, 8 and 13. Sometimes we have "family night" and everyone is over - the first couple of times it was all ok, now it's "annoying." he's 16 - everything is annoying. lol

I told him it would be the same thing if I was no longer married to Hubby and had a new boyfriend with kids. He may not like it, but he will have to get used to it.

I reminded him that we are all doing this in the name of love. There is no reason to be scared or worried.

I left him to his Xbox and he was smiling. I think it's all gonna be OK.

Overall - our "new" family overcame lots of hurdles this weekend.
~ the boy overhearing ...
~ Pinky's x-husband hearing she was having a lesbian relationship with another woman...which is pretty close to true. She calmed him down without denying it. I thought it was truly magical. lol
~ Pinky's family was told of the situation on Easter Sunday! - they were all very supportive!
~ Hubby met Pinky's mom and dad. They liked him
~ My boy and Pinky's boy had a little tiff...feelings were hurt, but it's cool now.
~ I was feeling a little left out, but I didn't get jealous. I just let 'em know!

We did it as a team! That is beyond fantastic. Each day it gets a little easier, although it may still be complicated, it's worth it!
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  #37  
Old 04-25-2011, 08:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyNewbie View Post
...all three of us have occasional thoughts along the lines of "are we completely delusional for thinking that this could ever possibly work?" We can't think of any reasons why it wouldn't, right now, but it's so new and different and fraught with unknowns that we just wonder if we're overlooking something that will be obvious in retrospect when we're all sitting in the lawyer's office signing dissolution agreements.
Trust me, we have the same thoughts. We all agree that there are no absolutes in life. As with any "average" relationship, you never know if it will work out in the end.
Quote:
Given that that's been our experience when things have gone so relatively placidly for us, I'm really impressed with you for deciding to hang in there and try to make it work when there are real visible potential problems. It's good for me to hear that, because it lets me know how important a relationship like this can be to someone else, which in turn makes me feel less crazy for having mine be as important to me as it is. If that makes any sense.
I TOTALLY understand. That's why we are all here. It's nice to know there are others going through and loving it!
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  #38  
Old 04-25-2011, 08:38 PM
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Originally Posted by JameeDee View Post
As with any "average" relationship, you never know if it will work out in the end.
Well, the reason it's scary is that my marriage really DID work out in the end. I mean, we're not at the end yet, but we're having our 20th wedding anniversary this year, and we lived together for four years before that, and we're still together. If this triad thing hadn't come along, I think there's really no question at all that we'd be together until death did its thing. So we're trading a certainty, or as close to it as you can get in this business, for a pretty big unknown. And that's scary no matter how small the non-zero risk is. But we're forging ahead because the potential up side is so huge.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JameeDee View Post
It's nice to know there are others going through and loving it!
That pretty much covers it. It's terrific at the moment, in every way. And it's great for me to read about your situation and the way you're addressing the obstacles that come up, so I hope you'll keep posting updates.
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  #39  
Old 04-25-2011, 08:55 PM
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Well, the reason it's scary is that my marriage really DID work out in the end. I mean, we're not at the end yet, but we're having our 20th wedding anniversary this year, and we lived together for four years before that, and we're still together. If this triad thing hadn't come along, I think there's really no question at all that we'd be together until death did its thing. So we're trading a certainty, or as close to it as you can get in this business, for a pretty big unknown. And that's scary no matter how small the non-zero risk is. But we're forging ahead because the potential up side is so huge.
Totally on the same page. We weren't out looking for this. It just found us.
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  #40  
Old 04-25-2011, 09:04 PM
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We weren't out looking for this. It just found us.
Same here. We never thought of ourselves as poly. We knew about the poly community a little, knew a few people in it, and were vaguely amused by it without giving it much thought. And then we met this woman, and poof, we're poly. That's actually a vast over-simplification of a bunch of pretty traumatic events over the course of a year or so, but that's pretty much how it's turned out now that all that stuff is behind us.

Congratulations on coming out to one of the families, by the way! Sounds like that went really well. Not looking forward to that one too much over here.
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