Redpepper's journey

[Derbylicious]

Originally Posted by redpepper

This weekend I had a really fun night with Derby where we went dancing and watched a friend of mine get picked up. It made me sad.... end of story. I'm not even going there.

I enjoyed smooching with Derby the whole night but was a little fearful that it doesn't mean much. Stupid I know... which is why I haven't brought it up Derby, as I know you are reading this. I guess I figure that kissing is not a big deal to her and therefore doesn't mean much when we kiss, but I know that is stupid, so I try not to go there. To me it means a lot, that's all that matters. I don't just kiss anyone and neither does she, so I am good.... Still, I woke up uneasy for a bit...

Although kissing can be very casual for me it isn't always. It can most certainly be a big deal and mean an awful lot. If I have a connection it isn't casual anymore. When I was there with you on Friday it was like the rest of the people in there didn't exist and it was just us. Honestly you've been on my mind all weekend.

[MonoVCPHG]

I just thought I would pop in and say that you two, Derby and RP, are a great couple and a blast to be around You're a true poly success from my perspective. Lots o'love going out to my Amour and Metamour

[LovingRadiance]

Originally Posted by Derbylicious

Although kissing can be very casual for me it isn't always. It can most certainly be a big deal and mean an awful lot. If I have a connection it isn't casual anymore. When I was there with you on Friday it was like the rest of the people in there didn't exist and it was just us. Honestly you've been on my mind all weekend.

This is very true for me as well. It CAN be casual-but if there is a connection, it can be SO intensely meaningful too.

I really can't wait to meet you ALL in person!

I miss you guys-all this last week I've been missing you guys!

In fact, I've seen so many damn Harley's I was ready to scream. I even got teary over one I saw because just seeing it parked next to me made me really wish I was down there.

I sometimes think that just maybe I'm REALLY REALLY a loony bin-missing people I haven't met, missing people I've only met once and missing a place I've never been!!!!!!! (here come the white jackets)

[redpepper]

LR, care to see if you can make it camping this year? You missed out last year. I know it will be more tough though, you had quite a year last year.

[Morningglory629]

Sometimes I should shut up and just be. Of course I don't do that and end up feeling the fool. Sometimes I shouldn't think so much as it leads to fear..... fear leads to feeling overly vulnerable and trusting... and so the cycle goes on and so I continue my self talk to get out of it.

Did you sneak into my thoughts a few days ago?! Anyway been here many a time...like this week!

[redpepper]

Had a fight with Mono tonight. It was a total misunderstanding about my saying something that was meant to be my understanding of a point of view on something and not what "I" think.

Why does that shit happen? Mono decided he wasn't going to listen as I explained it and we ended up shouting and me walking off saying "forget it." Later we talked about how sometimes people decide something in the first part of someone saying something, get pissed off and then decide not to listen to the rest of it. Even when someone says, "no, I think this, the decision is made about it already and there is no going back. Drives me crazy.

[Karma]

I am very guilty of doing this, and it seems dependant on the subject being discussed. Certain things just flip the wrong mental switches, and it doesn't matter who it is who brings up the subject that flips that switch - or how much we love them when we're being rational.

I've learned to try to keep that response under control with Mohegan, but if it happens when I'm already upset or angry about something else, she's learned to just tell me that I'm being a jackass and walk away until I cool off.

[gamerprincess]

Originally Posted by Karma

I am very guilty of doing this, and it seems dependant on the subject being discussed. Certain things just flip the wrong mental switches, and it doesn't matter who it is who brings up the subject that flips that switch - or how much we love them when we're being rational.

I've learned to try to keep that response under control with Mohegan, but if it happens when I'm already upset or angry about something else, she's learned to just tell me that I'm being a jackass and walk away until I cool off.

I'm totally guilty of that too. I now just back away and remove myself from the situation and come back when I'm in a calmer frame of mind. If he pushes my buttons and I push his back, it doesn't go well, so removing myself and coming back when he's cooled down to talk seems to work best.

[redpepper]

Wish me luck tonight, this slutty robot has got some hot moves that made both my men gob smacked heh. this go round is far more stripper than tease and reveal traditional burlesque It kind of came around that way.

Did I mention how lucky I am to have such a wonderful boyfriend? He has helped and supported me so much! He's a good sub Tonight he is carrying my case and chauffeuring. I love him to bits for his acts of service.

PN I love for his acts of service in keeping house and child in order these last few days. I took the boy to school late today so we could have some much needed boy and mumma time. He seemed to appreciate that. I know I did, I missed him. Tonight he stays at my parents over night so we can all go out.

I'm disappointed Leo isn't coming. He has social anxiety and just can't handle the crowd *blah*

Derby is going to win for best costume for sure! She has worked hard at it. So creative. I can't wait to see who she's up against and how she struts her stuff

I didn't get nervous until I heard an ad on a local popular modern rock radio station while buying glow sticks today! Ahhh. Breath RP, it'll be fine. I've worked hard and know my stuff. It will be super fun too! Such a rush!

[Derbylicious]

You're going to rock it! Looking forward to tonight